How would a pervert re-enter polite society?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Dashing_Chap, Sep 26, 2008.

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  1. Good evening chaps & chapesses,

    As some of you may remember I was in a rather cruel situation at the start of this month, whereby I had lost my job & all manner of support. I’ve spent the last month in my humble abode with little else to do. The first few days passed idly, but as my mind wandered to other things I soon felt quite awful as I dwelt on my uncertain future. As any man of taste would soon admit, boredom & dark thoughts soon got the better of me. I soon found myself delving into the exotic arts & performing vigorously & at a great measure to pass the time. First it started off in a more respectable manner, but at the heights of my glory I would spend an entire day viewing with great relish, young ladies performing almost every conceivable fetish known to man. I would spaff at least 6 times a day & when my carriage arrived I no longer bothered with the common courtesy of tissue. If I had died at that happy moment I’d have been found on my settee with stains of uncertain nature abound & the Japanese schoolgirl enema twister party on repeat. 8) Such exercises soon take their toll on the more delicate parts of ones anatomy & my most treasured part has now turned a slight tinge of purple, with some odd red marks adorning its sides. I am still able to walk, fortunately, albeit with a certain swagger.

    So it was that I have spent almost every day of September running at the ring of pleasure, only venturing out of my lair for food & supplies to extend my orgy of the senses. After extending myself to the very limits of my ability I believe I may have come to an awkward ending. I am due to leave my flat this weekend, I shall be spending a short time with my family to prepare things & find another place of residence. I also have an extremely important interview in town next week & I’m rather worried I’ll find myself leering & dribbling at the City girls & secretaries in an even more lurid manner than usual. :(

    It is quite a dilemma after the past month, my mind still conjures up thoughts of debauchery, filth & obscene acts at the most inappropriate of moments. One particular turning point of providential delight was witnessing a young lady expel a certain business on a dinner plate, 8O I haven’t been quite the same since! My bedtime reading would consist of the finer works of de Sade, with Juliette being a firm favourite, along with 120 Days of Sodom. I am quite worried that I will find myself incredibly frustrated at the sudden prospect of no relief. There’s simply no way I could oblige myself in the family home, nor find any means of inspiration. The unfortunate incident a few years ago when my sister took all my CD’s to play downstairs in order to find her holiday photos is still fresh in my memory. Mummy dearest switched on the DVD player only to be confronted by Sasha Greys bunghole, stretched to the size of a tea saucer… 8O

    Chaps, is there a solution to this most unfortunate situation :?

    I remain your most humble servant, &c.

  2. you must remove your penis.

  3. Become a Member of Parliament.

    Or indeed a Deputy Prime Minister.
  4. Join the Church !!
  5. Hahaha, greatest post i've seen lately, really made me laugh. Your answer ofcourse is to go deep, really deep, into central Amsterdam. There, you will find the answer.
  6. Get down on your knees and beg jarrod248 for mercy; he'll soon sort you out
  7. Hard one to advise on, why not knock one out while your thinking about it.
  8. I daren’t consider the removal of my nearest & dearest, what would be the point of living after :? I understand the Pathan women & the ladies of Mr Minh were very partial to that sort of thing. 8O

    I’ve had the pleasure of Mr Jarrod’s opinons before, he seems a rather congenial chap, no doubt he has some fine words of wisdom to add to this fair thread.

    Mummy dearest always had designs for me as a man of the cloth, the closest I’ve come to this sweet wish was when I went on a depraved jolly in the attire of a Catholic Priest. :lol:

    I think Amsterdam may prove one solution, my good friend tells me of a young lady there who can sign letters in a quite extraordinary manner.

  9. Win the lotto, hire belle de jour as a regular fuuck buddy and belles yer depravity rolled into one........or find a really sweet girl who needs to learn english and .... :wink: :wink:
  10. Go to Whites in Rotterdam.
  11. I'd suggest making a real effort to get yourself back in worthwhile employment ASAP - there are certainly vacancies and urgent need for trained plumbers, washing machine repair men and pool cleaners!
  12. The biggest pervert I'm aware of re-enters 'polite' society with a cheerful 'Good afternoon, I'm MDN. Can you direct me to the nearest pet shop?'
  13. Tops, you beat me to it! :D

  14. Suck off a tramp
  15. There is always the Mess Webley.