How We Used To Amuse Ourselves - Chelsea Pensioners

I was chatting with an old mate the other day and the subject arose of what we used to do in our free time during the 70's. Stationed in the back of beyond in BAOR with only German TV, no NAAFI, and no transport (of any note).

Besides the usual candidates such as cards, footie etc we used to sometimes, whilst drinking (a daily/nightly pursuit), organise 'Chelsea Pensioners'. This consisted of all available pax in the bar, preferably a few beers to the good, sitting on chairs (to simulate wheelchairs) and organising themselves into ranks. The 'Sgt Major for the Day' would then take a chair himself and be seated in front of the squad. Everbody would then adopt the 'at ease' poisition which consisted of lolling forward in the chairs as if asleep. On the word of command 'Pensioners 'shun' everbody would brace up. On the following word of command ' Pensioners, quick march' everybody would lift first the left hand and pretend to spit in it, followed by the right hand/spit, and then simultaneously work both hands as if simulating pushing the wheels of the wheelchair.

Every five or so paces, the spitting would be repeated until the entire squad was in step. Various drill movements used to be then carried out. Right turn was executed on the word of command by spitting into each hand followed by placing both hands on the right wheel of the virtual chair, and the other drill movements similarly executed. The halt consisted of much spitting on hands followed by grossly exaggerated movements on each wheel to bring the chair to a halt.

When describing it it seems pretty mundane and banal - when this was done properly, however, it was one of the funniest bar games I have ever witnessed or taken part in.

I have not seen this performed for many years now. Anybody else remember this particular form of amusement?


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I once watched a Coldstreamer do the QBP as a Chelsea Pensioner in the NAAFI at Voss in Norway. Feckin hilarious.
Remember it well, not as well rehearsed as that though. Does anybody remember the DamBusters? Got involved once but thankfully not as the outer port engine that caught fire!
You just sent me right back to the Cartwheel Club Sennelager in '74. When doing the right wheel or turn you also had to blow on the hands that had 'braked' the right wheel.
In the Seven Up Club in Osnabruck, which was in the attic, we used to amuse ourselves by racing at full speed in opposing circuits of the roof eve. It was a pitched roof with a tiny flat bit, cornering and passing were the hairiest bits.
Markintime said:
You just sent me right back to the Cartwheel Club Sennelager in '74.

Where was the Cartwheel Club? Don't remember it and I thought I'd drunk in a pretty wide selection of Senne/Paderborn bars.

Markintime said:
When doing the right wheel or turn you also had to blow on the hands that had 'braked' the right wheel. .
Correct - forgotten that bit.
I only saw this performed once. It was in the strip club underneath the sin bin (cant remember the name for the minute), when I was a young lad (1992), by one of the older members of the LAD. Funny as, he did it on his own sat in front of the stripper, he must have been really pissed as he looked it and we had had enough.
What about 'Sing, sing or show your ring'? Anyone remember that/

Pull all the chairs into a circle and then work clockwise round the group with everyone either singing or reciting.
Anyone non performers had to drop their pants and give the rest of the assembly 'the brown eye'
Hilarious when all are three sheets to the wind.

Thank feck that television came out a few years later.
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