How very very wrong

Another case of a squaddy being treated like a third class citizen.
Enigma266 said:
What kind of woman doesnt even think of contacting the childs father?

A. A vindictive selfish bitch.


B. Someone who is so torn up by it that she doesn't want to go over it with someone because it just brings it all back to her.
She takes his children from him and one of them winds up dead. It's possible she feared he would take a dim view of events. Still appalling that NOBODY saw fit to tell him and he has my most heartfelt sympathy.
Hang on, this isnt about her. Its about a parents right to know whether their child is alive or dead! Even sending a letter would have been better than this
Not in the same class of misery but took me 9 months to discover my uncle had died.

His widow was simply incapable of talking or writing about it and rest of family did not have contact details.

Sad but it happens.
Poor bloke what a horrid thing to go through. Does anyone know where he is now as he says that he WAS serving thus hinting he isn't serving now.
He should have been informed ASAP, simple as that. He is the kids dad, and unless he beat the kids or something he should have been informed and been by his bed if possible or allowed to be at his funeral (I am guessing 4 months would mean the child was already buried/cremated).

What is concerning is that he wasn't given access to the kids.

Unless he has been accused/convicted of beating or somehow abusing the kids, payment should equal access.

Seperation can screw kids for life, the child takes so much from BOTH parents. Even a separated father can influence his children. Unfortuneatly the parent who get custody of the kids all to often uses it as a weapon to beat the other parent, always at the expense of the child.


Book Reviewer
So, were the CSA still taking cash for the child even after his death?

Surely they could have let the poor man know? Even if none of the relatives cared enough to do so.
I sympathise with this guy, really I do. The mother is at fault in moving the children away and severing contact with their father. Every child has a right to know and have contact with both parents. If there were valid reasons for him not to have contact she should have dealt with it via the Courts. However, I do have to question the father's determination to find his family. There are more ways to find someone other than just going through the CSA, and nothing, but nothing would prevent me from finding my kids if there was no just reason for them simply disappearing.

That said, even though the mother was grieving, I don't accept that she was too distraught to face telling the father. Some things just have to be done. This was one of them.
What ever went on between the mother and father, every decent parent should have the right to see their child and certainly have the chance to say goodbye - tragic all round :(
Scabster_Mooch said:

One ARRSE member was (is) having problems finding his/her child per an earlier thread.
If he chose not to go through the official channels (solicitor, contact proceedings etc) then I'd go straight to what is effectively a private detective or tracing agent. If you go to a good one it's amazing what they can do. First port of call though would be trawling through the electoral register. Time consuming but very often the missing person will pop up there. And it's cheaper than the first two options!
still21inmymind said:
Another case of a squaddy being treated like a third class citizen.
FFS The fact that he was a squaddy doesn't figure in it . I have all the sympathy in the world for the bloke but surely this isn't a screw the squaddy thing.
Did he have the money to do that?

Unfortunatly another legacy of this countries government is that it is that it rewards the splitting up of parents and seems to do Sweet FA to help the one side that may want to find the other.
He may well not have had the money to do it but financial assistance in legal proceedings is not a myth. So long as you meet the financial requirements and have a legitimate case then you will get help. Most solicitors (those worth using in the first place) will give you a first half hour free so it's always worth a look to see where you stand.

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