How To Resign

#1
So, I'm sat in my office, waiting for my boss to sit still at his desk long enough for me to tell him I'm quitting. He's a Jehovas witness and is really against the Army for some absurd reason.

Anyway, being not much older than the Pope's last victim, I've never had the pleasure of formally resigning (my last place got about minus 5 minutes notice that I wasn't coming in as I'd been offered a new job), and have no idea how to play it. I don't want him to cry (or celebrate), and I see no need to offend him.

What do I do, oh intelligent residents of the NAAFI Bar? (Definitely the best place to seek professional advice)

Things I've looked into and can't do: Shoot him, gas him (You have to cut their heads off and put a stake in their hearts to kill JWs), kick him in the bollocks, sleep with his daughter.
 
#2
Wait for him to come to your door with leaflets, and greet him wearing fishnet suspenders, stilettos, nipple tassles, and a beret. :D
 
#3
That's how I got the job in the first place! ;)
They clearly don't practise what they preech!
 
#4
Just kill him. Easy peasy. Then do a runner. Coppers are shite and will never find you.

Oh, and post the photos here, be a mate.
 
#5
Is his daughter ugly or something?
 

Mr_Fingerz

LE
Book Reviewer
#8
I thought that "Can't means Won't, and Won't means Jail" - A great start to your new career.

Just give him a letter explaining that you are moving to bigger and better things in a months time.

Then shag his dog and crap on his desk.
 
#9
His daughter's not my type of lass I'm afraid gents. I'm not doing it to myself. I've already betrayed myself too much this last weekend.

Still not given it to him... Perhaps I should just kill him?

Is it even illegal to kill Jehovas Witness Heretics?
 
#10
Don't turn up and never phone him again. It always works with women. It's the only way you'll get true respect.
 
#11
Why not just mention that you need a quick word when you see him and put on a serious face.

The way I tend to do this is with a 'won't burn bridges unless you make me' approach - where I say to them that I'm sorry to be doing it, but I think it's probably for the best, and then just hand notice in.

That said, I wrote out a really nice email for my current boss, which thanked him etc, and he was a total cock about the whole thing, so be prepared to get stroppy if the guy acts like a spoiled little girl. (Like mine did).
 
#12
FSN, why are you posting sensible advice like that in here?
Ha, I kid... I think you're right, that's how I'm going to play it... Try to be nice seeing as my Dad is a consultant for him too. I don't want to make it awkward for my dad, seeing as he's just started his business.
 
#13
Depending on what boss is like, be prepared to be told to leave the building straight away, i.e. take appropriate precautions (removal of anything incriminating, securing of any personal items/data you intend to take with you).

Was glad I did this before resigning from my previous job, as I was told a) we'll pay you till the end of the month and b) don't bother coming back.
 
#14
That would suit me fine Flaggie as it would mean not having to renew my train pass, and my wage transfer has just been sent (so will arrive tomorrow)... I'd be £150 better off!
 
#16
Nothing major, just ended up with some girl who had a nice arse but a not so nice face (she was pup on this podium so her arse was the first thing that caught our attention, sorry), because my mate said if I proposed to her I'd get a free drink. I then ended the night being attacked by 2 chaps who mentioned something about Islam, even though I bet I'd read more of the Qur'an than them... Cheeky fuckers. Spent 4 hours in Burnley Police Station giving a statement. Got home at 8am. Was supposed to be going for a yomp that morning and was too tired.

And I am reliably informed I did something similar with a butch girl I used to work with... Though I kind of hope that was a joke.

(edited to expand)
 
#17
Nothing major, just ended up with some girl who had a nice arse but a not so nice face (she was pup on this podium so her arse was the first thing that caught our attention, sorry), because my mate said if I proposed to her I'd get a free drink. I then ended the night being attacked by 2 chaps who mentioned something about Islam, even though I bet I'd read more of the Qur'an than them... Cheeky fuckers.
Did she have her veil on, thats a dead giveaway that you will have trouble with Mussies! Have a chat to "bigeye" he had some trouble cos he was stood too close to some birds in binbags aka burkas!
 
#18
Timshel said:
. . . His daughter's not my type of lass I'm afraid . . .
. . . ended up with some girl . . .
Phew! For a minute there I thought you were going to claim Knob-Jockey status.


Serioulsy, strip naked, cover yourself tip-to-toe in fake blood Harlequins-stylee and run screaming around the work place to eventually end up in your bosses office wailing at him that you want Blood and you want it NOW! Remember for best effect carry a very sharp implement. When you boss has crossed-himself or do whatever JW's do, say "Nah, it's alright boss, I'm only resigning"

Oh how he'll laugh as he accepts your resignation and you leave on; a) A high for being a great egg and not burning bridges, b) Have achieved a god-like status amongst your ex-colleagues

Or failing that you could always not turn in for the paper round tomorrow and switch off your (dads) mobile
 
#19
Ha! That might have been it! Except there was no Sari or loose clothing because I managed to admire her bum for a while.

I wish I remembered what they had said to be honest. Was too busy dodging his flailing fists,and lying in a bush with him on top of me "trying to beat me up". I've got scratch marks on my chest and that's all he left on me... Beating me up? I think he was triyng to make sweet, sweet love to me.
 
#20
Ok just an average weekend then. Back to resignation query...you could always get yourself sacked...find a porn site on your computer, switch the volume on/up and do what comes naturally (won't work if you're in an office on your own). If you can arrange for your boss to catch you all the better.

Oh and spending all afternoon on the internet will add to the tally aswell. :nod:
 

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