How To Relieve Stress When Stopped by the Police

Discussion in 'Multinational HQ' started by Rocketeer, Apr 20, 2004.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. being pulled over by the cops is always a stressful time.. even if we believe we've done nothing wong, the adrenalin levels increase and the blood pressure goes up... It is always best then to reduce the stress level by lightening the mood..Perhaps engaging in some friendly banter might work...

    Suggestions on what to say:

    1] Whoa, you guys are Good.. I thought I lost you when I cut through that school yard...

    2] Yes.. I know I was speeding, but, I had a little accident a couple miles back and well, its not like its called " Hit and Stand Around. "...

    3] Just so I know, okay?.. Which one of you is the Bad Cop?

    4]Hey, you know, I'm thinking I could get you a really good deal on a stereo

    5] Oh, the trunk has always made that knocking sound.. the screaming sound is new, though... I really should get that checked...

    6]But officr, don't we all have blood on our hands in one sense or another?

    7]Oooh, Can I see your gun for a second?

    8]I notice you have a very long nightstick... you know what they say, long nightstick...

    9] Do I know how fast I was going?.. appparently not fast enough, hello!!

    10]Yes, I know you told me to put my hands on my head... but you didn't say " Simon Says "

    11]Man, I wanted to be a cop when I was a kid, but then I realised they're all losers!... just kidding.. I never wanted to be a cop..

    12]Yeah, I know the photo ID doesn't look like me, but, get what you pay for...

    13]Ooooh, could you put the cuffs on a bit tighter?... more...more... oohoh..YES!!!!

    14] My only crime is caring too much.. oh, and there was that kidnapping thing...

    15] Is it too early to ask for Judge Judy?

    16] Well, I guess if killing a man, dismembering the body, stuffing it in a dfuffle bag and burying it in the desert is a crime, then, hell, I'm guilty...

    17] So, If I'm pulled over for a broken tail light, you can't search the glove compartment for cocaine, right?

    18] Drinking, hell no... makes my stomach go all queasy when mixed with the mescaline and pcp's...

    19]I'm sure we can work something out.. Look!.. someone dropped a not enough?.. you got change for a five?

    20] Sigh.. I do hope this frisk comes with a happy ending...

    that's all for me :D
  2. No occifer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am
  3. Corporal's response would be no officer that's not a gun in my pocket I'm just happy to see you 8O
  4. Who, ME, speeding? Are you sure qualified with that thing?
  5. Officer if you are going to use that very long stick on me, could you grease it first?
  6. Always be pleasant and polite. A few years ago after a mess dinner we had two officers stopped. Old Paymaster - probably over the limit -was as nice as pie and co-operated in every way. He elected to give a blood test due to breathing problems and the polis were as nice as pie whilst waiting for the Doc to arrive - even letting him drink lots of coffee. Coy Comdr who never drunk whilst driving (not ever, not even a half beer) but knew the Chief Constable etc and was bloody rude to the Officers and spent longer in the station than the paymaster.

    Coppers are chaps doing a job - piss them around and they can and will piss you around in return.
  7. my brother got stopped for speeding in florida once.
    highway patrol man asked any weapons in the car.
    Brother at this point bricking it slightly "theres a new SKS in the Boot"
    :( officer
    result half an hour chat about rifles and no speeding ticket :lol:
    try that in the uk :evil: