How to pull the birds

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Bigdumps, Sep 23, 2008.

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  1. I have found the bull-pein hammer method effective but messy, any advice on picking up wimmin?
  2. everytime :)

    The birds love it!
  3. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Best bit of that, they don't remember that they love it, and they can't remember that you were shIt in the sack.

    At least with a ball pein hammer, they get the headache AFTER sex.
  4. I often find the following to be most effective.

    Wait for the end of a night out, when your bride to be is on her way home.
    Wait until she is out of site from her friends, they can often be a distraction. All you need to do is wait for the right moment to approach her. When you think you are ready and have plucked up the courage, simply tap her on the shoulder wait till she turns around and say,
    'You're coming home with me' At the same time produce the blade that you had concealed up until this point.
    If she screams or tries to flee, I often find they can be felled with a swift left hook. Once she is placid enough, you can molest/rape her at will. For a more romantic evening or if the weathers bad, drag her into your car and reapeat the above.
    Alternatively, you can get some nice young polish prozzies round my way nowadays.
  5. Thats beautiful that, romantic.
  6. A couple of useful lines are " Do you want to come home and look at my ceiling?" and " I've got a 14" tongue and I can breathe through my ears" If they fail, a garotte can be made out of very innocent things like a necktie, far easier to explain away than something bulky or sharp should things go awry.
  7. To have the perfect evening, drugs is by far the best method of enticing a lady.
    Be it Rohypnol, Chloroform, or any of the widely available on the internet Anesthesia substances.

    Best application is from behind, that way they wont be able to point you out in a line up, also, this method allows for ease of dragging to desired love nest.

    Gaffa tape is something to be considered as well, not only is it strong enough to hold the most energetic of ladies, it doesnt sustain fingerprints either, and can be hosed down afterwards without loss of adhesion.

    Hope this helps :)
  8. You mean you guys molest 'em before you kill 'em? Whats wrong with you?

  9. Bit of a strong word isnt it?

    I prefer "make love to".....
  10. When it comes to actually picking them up, claw hammers and icepicks are yer boys for BBW, and surgical gloves are advised for thinner ones, forensics are more on the ball now than back in the golden days in S. Yorkshire.
  11. Ah, that old non-consensual lovemaking?

  12. Nowt wrong with conning a bird into sensual love making:)
  13. I find "Get in the car ive got a knife, lets not turn this rape into a murder" works wonders
  14. I really don't like the word rape, it sounds so brutal, I prefer the term suprise sex.

    Remember that if you creep up behind them and whisper in thier ear "suprise" first then it doesn't count as rape.
  15. I just turn up in a borrowed 911 (I'll check the tuning again for you mate!), nonchallently I saunter up to the bar allowing my six pack to be clearly seen under the silk T shirt I once stole off a washing line in Prestbury Cheshire. I hand my cashmere blaser nonchalently over the bar stool and then slip the barman his fiver. While I go for a piss he tells all and sundry that I'm a single lonely millionaire with my own airline and that I deal in oil.
    Then I try to beat the unsuccessful candidates off with my shitty stick!

    Once the women have been soundly used and abused I show them my workshop with the compressed air-line and the tins of motor oil available to family and friends.

    The smell of money is the best aftershave!