how to pick up a man in 10 steps

Thread reassurect alert!

What a load of unnecessary tripe! A bird just needs to let a man know she's up for it and hey presto.
Now here is my advice for ladies wanting to keep their man happy. The three s system.

Suck.
Swallow.
Send him the pub.
Repeat 3/4 times a week and you will never have to worry about him straying.
 

llech

LE
Thread reassurect alert!

What a load of unnecessary tripe! A bird just needs to let a man know she's up for it and hey presto.
Now here is my advice for ladies wanting to keep their man happy. The three s system.

Suck.
Swallow.
Send him the pub.
Repeat 3/4 times a week and you will never have to worry about him straying.
Post # 34!
 
What if a woman looks like Diane Abbott, Cherie Blair or Ann Widdecombe? None of this will work on anybody I know now matter how pissed or desperate. They'll run a mile if someone as hideous as that whispers, "I want you."
 
1. When he says 'get in the van'....get in the ******* van!
2. When he asks you if you are a Size 14, always answer Yes.
3. When he asks you to apply lotion to your skin, do so, he is only caring about your appearance.
 
Where the **** does Chuffit come into this?

I start a thread on how desperate, unloved, unhumped, unwanted girls can get a guy to shag them and suddenly Chuffit is central to the plot?

Is Chuffit some sort of male gigalo, shagging bloaters to order?
Whaaa?
Never mind the Chuff. I wasn't even here, never mind there.
Although in fairness, I did wakeup with some 'kin-awful-looking horrors in my time. Names like Blackfoot-Sue and Ursula-Underneath.....
I'm sure you've all heard the tale about Ursula and how a squaddie she was eying-up across from the bar just happened to be so shit-faced he fell off his stool, face-down, and Ursula, not being the sort to let a squaddie with a pulse and the price of an Asbach-und-Cola escape her, was under him before he hit the ground, yes?
Well that squaddie might well have been me one time. She was a specialist, after-all.
I remember being woken up once in a pad full of German, ummmm, 'women of the night.' Well, women of the afternoon actually... Anyway, fuggiit.
Bumhole and Chuffit, sitting in a tree,
K...I...S...S...I...N...G
First comes love,
then comes marriage,
then comes baby
in a baby carriage

Let us all know when you book the church... :)
I fear a Mosque might just be considered a little bit too over-the-top?

Or not?

@bumhole :blowkiss:
 
Just get me drink. Depending on the time* and location**, that would be a pint of bitter, a large brandy or the juice from your furry cup.

* The 1960's
**Any form of public transport with a bar.
 

NotFredPerry

Old-Salt
Gentleman don' forget she is a player, so a pack of extra strong thick durex is a must against an STD.
She might like it up the pooper so some durex lube work's well don't use lubricating grease from MT!
 
Whaaa?
Never mind the Chuff. I wasn't even here, never mind there.
Although in fairness, I did wakeup with some 'kin-awful-looking horrors in my time. Names like Blackfoot-Sue and Ursula-Underneath.....
I'm sure you've all heard the tale about Ursula and how a squaddie she was eying-up across from the bar just happened to be so shit-faced he fell off his stool, face-down, and Ursula, not being the sort to let a squaddie with a pulse and the price of an Asbach-und-Cola escape her, was under him before he hit the ground, yes?
Well that squaddie might well have been me one time. She was a specialist, after-all.
I remember being woken up once in a pad full of German, ummmm, 'women of the night.' Well, women of the afternoon actually... Anyway, fuggiit.

I fear a Mosque might just be considered a little bit too over-the-top?

Or not?

@bumhole :blowkiss:
Warning. Thread re-re-resurrect. (How did I miss this first time around)

I was 17 years of age in a pub on New Years Eve. I'm stood on my own in a corner of the darkened bar with a pint in my hand. A girl I had got my eye one walks straight up to me, leans forward, slips her hand down the front of my jeans and snogs the face off me.

I was puttee in her hands I tells yer. Spent the night and early hours in her flat. Result.

It's not rocket science girls, so forget all that bollox the OP listed at the start of the thread.

I think we can put this to bed now folks.

ETA: @Chuffitt Was Ursula that bird in Hameln who used to walk round with a mattress strapped to her back in case she met someone she knew?
 
"how to pick up a man in 10 steps
by bumhole"

is surely self explanatory :lol:
Errr now you come to mention it...8O8O8O

I wonder if he is still active in the Arrse community....:rolleyes::roll::ban:
 
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