how to pick up a man in 10 steps

1. Stay the feck away from the bar. It's not somewhere for you and your rancid fecking friends to stand gassing about shit.
2. If you stand at the bar, expecting some drunk hormonal bloke to buy you a drink, feck off out of the way.
3. Buy your own drinks you ponce.
4. If someone buys you a drink buy them one back. That way we won't think that you're just a freeloading piece of shit, with absolutely nothing about you but a pair of tits.
5. Buy your own scoff for the taxi back, see 4.
6. Stay the feck away from the pool table unless you want to play, it's not conversation corner. We don't care about shoes, frocks, hair, nails, etc, etc. All we care about is: how much is this night going to cost us (see 3) and our we going to get laid/blown/spanked.
 
Oh and 7. Don't go to the bar at all. Form an orderly queue outside and we shall pick one on our way out
 
Many many years ago I had an online discussion with a bunch of girls about finding men. I said it could be stripped down to 1 step, and listed them (it actually came to 1)

I would appreciate any comments - especially from girls. did I get it right? Can you add anything?


This is as much an art as a science, but the basics are simple:

  1. Have a pulse

FOC
 
This is how you do it in two steps

 
Where the **** does Chuffit come into this?

I start a thread on how desperate, unloved, unhumped, unwanted girls can get a guy to shag them and suddenly Chuffit is central to the plot?

Is Chuffit some sort of male gigalo, shagging bloaters to order?
 
Tips for women to be able to pick up a man.

1. Turn up.
2. See point 1.
 
Step 1. Stop struggling

Step 2 Stop screaming rape
 
I would of put #1 as:

Don't be ugly as a 'robber's dog'...err...apologies to all robber's dogs.

Ugly one's are easy to lay because they're grateful. You'll be pissed when you do the deed and you'll be leaving her first thing in the morning!

What's the problem?
 
Where the **** does Chuffit come into this?

I start a thread on how desperate, unloved, unhumped, unwanted girls can get a guy to shag them and suddenly Chuffit is central to the plot?

Is Chuffit some sort of male gigalo, shagging bloaters to order?

Bumhole and Chuffit, sitting in a tree,
K...I...S...S...I...N...G
First comes love,
then comes marriage,
then comes baby
in a baby carriage

Let us all know when you book the church... :)
 

Blogg

LE
a thread on how desperate, unloved, unhumped, unwanted girls can get a guy to shag them

The answer to that small problem has escaped the horror that runs our travel and accommodation office for some time.

I shall cut and paste your words of wisdom into something anonymous and leave it on her desk.

Will probably provoke another sexism/bullying witch hunt like the time somebody left subtle hints for her in the shape of a goodly supply of deodorant and mouthwash.
 

shibusa2

On ROPS
On ROPs
Even fuglies need to get laid, and we can thank the members of Her Majesties Defence Forces for ensuring that no matter how fat and how pig ugly a girl is, she will always get a length from someone (or everyone).

You're such a romantic, you.
 
Women go out on the trap.

If they want to get fücked then they used to just have to wait for the Ten to Two Desperation Novices Hurdles and get grindy to the velvet tones of Tony Hadley crooning "True".

This happens no longer thanks to longer licensing hours. However, if there is the proud possessor of a Penis and said possessor has alcohol inside him then any woman can get laid.

This is an immutable fact.
 
I thought it was only 1 Step: Own a Vagina.

The 12 Steps were the stages of alcoholic rehabilitation which were the inevitable consequence of being daft enough to marry after Step 1
 

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