how to pick up a man in 10 steps

Many many years ago I had an online discussion with a bunch of girls about finding men. I said it could be stripped down to 10 steps, and listed them (it actually came to 14)

I would appreciate any comments - especially from girls. did I get it right? Can you add anything?


This is as much an art as a science, but the basics are simple:


  1. Wear sexy underwear. 99 out of the 100 men in the room wont get to see it, but you will feel sexy and confident wearing it. And when the one in 100 does see it he will go wild. (Nothing turns a guy off more than big frumpy grandma knickers with non matching bra)


  2. Dress to attract attention. Go just one step beyond your comfort zone. An inch or two shorter on the skirt, a button open further on the top. Remember – a short skirt will attract attention across the bar, but will not be so noticeable when you sit or stand close to the guy. A cleavage will be less noticeable across a room, but will be obvious close up. DON’T dress like a hooker or super slut. You will get one or two rude comments and it will shake your confidence.


  3. Wear perfume, glittery jewellery, shiny accessories. The object is to be seen and noticed.


  4. Go to “pick up bars” or bars where the potential is high – eh where a number of unattended men are present. Competition creates a “feeding frenzy” and lifts your chances.


  5. Try going with a friend. Like men, women work best in pairs. They lever off each other, and give each other confidence.


  6. NEVER forget the reason you are there. This isn’t killing time while the kids play soccer, this is big game hunting. Everything you do and say should be towards getting that big game.


  7. Remember, upon entry you have 80% of the attention you will get all night. First impressions count, and most guys either decide F###able or Unf###able on first sight. Walk in looking confident and carefree. Take advantage of the 80% attention, scan the bar, pick your targets on a scale of 1,2,3, and make eye contact. Look directly into their eyes. Our eyesight is far better than most people realise. We can sense when pupils open even across a darkened room, and pupils opening is a classic sign of interest and arousal. (out of interest moving from a lighted entrance into a darkened bar also opens pupils, which adds to the 80% interest)


  8. Don’t hide in the corner of the bar. Move to an obvious neutral transition zone. This is any area of the bar where random groups gather. The bar counter is the most obvious, or in front of the live music, a cluster of seats or a focal point – eg the city view at night through the windows. The object here is to get within 4 feet of a number 1 target. If you achieved eye contact on entry he will know why you are there, so you don’t have to work too hard on the pretext. (4 feet is the closest limit of the “social zone”).


  9. Understand and use body language. When you first meet new people, their initial impression of you will be based 55% on your appearance and body-language, 38% on your style of speaking and only 7% on what you actually say. Don’t stand in the middle of the bar looking like a rabbit in the car headlights, with your handbag clutched to your chest (saying “don’t look at my tits”) or worse held across the front of your pussy (saying “no one gets to f##k me tonight”). Open arms says “I’m open to suggestions”, wide leg stance says “hey pussy is open tonight”. Stand with wide legs, arms behind the back and girlie twisting on the body whilst leaning slightly back and flicking the hair to expose the neck should pull any guy in the bar. They cant help it.


  10. If you get the body language right, the number 1 target will make eye contact with you. Make contact back, tilt your head slightly sideways and keep his eye contact. And SMILE! Move closer, to the “personal zone”. Move right up to the target, don’t take your eyes off him, place a hand on his body somewhere (arm, shoulder, or leg is a good start). Keep moving closer, put your mouth up to his ear and whisper “I want you”.


  11. The target, being foolish, in shock and feeling his male situational control under threat, will attempt to control the flirting. He will try to initiate conversation, offer you a drink etc. You must keep control. As one girl once told me: “I’m looking for a walking dildo not a best friend”. Use the same logic, and make sure he knows what you want.


  12. Get physical ASAP. You don’t have to pull his pecker out at the bar, but touching his ass, accidentally rubbing your leg on his, pushing your pussy against his body etc will keep the heat up.


  13. Keep the flirting up, keep the momentum going, right up until you get him naked in a room. If he doesn’t play ball, move on to number 2 and repeat the process.


  14. Finally Remember, men always suspect the worst. They worry that you will tell their wife, that your husband will kill them, or they will get drugged and robbed in a hotel room. Reassure them that its just about sex.


 
Number 14. Yeah, that happens often.
 
Just give him the keys to your van and a quick spray of vagisil up the skirt. Job jobbed.
 

Ritch

LE
@bumhole is Cyril Clunge and I claim my £5 and 80's style porn moustache.
 
I thought this was a joke.
 
Even fuglies need to get laid, and we can thank the members of Her Majesties Defence Forces for ensuring that no matter how fat and how pig ugly a girl is, she will always get a length from someone (or everyone).
 
Even fuglies need to get laid, and we can thank the members of Her Majesties Defence Forces for ensuring that no matter how fat and how pig ugly a girl is, she will always get a length from someone (or everyone).

Umm...seem to remember certain 'groupies' that resemble that remark. Allegedly.

(No 'groupie' was fùcked during the career of BB) Honest officer. *shit eating grin*
 

JoeCivvie

ADC
RIP
Bumhole, you must be Grand Marshall at the Gay Pride Parade to come out (phnaar phnaar) with all that touchy-feely verbosity.

There are only two steps a women needs to get a man:

1. Show up naked.
2. Bring beer.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
No 8 should be removed from the list. It is the obvious reason I can never get near the bar for another drink (which is what bars are for).
 
No 8 should be removed from the list. It is the obvious reason I can never get near the bar for another drink (which is what bars are for).

Fair point, fair point, perhaps should be rewritten as:

8: Don’t block the bar. Move to an obvious neutral transition zone where your fat arse and sagging tits don't get in the way of serious drinkers. This rules out any area of the bar. The bar counter is obviously out of order, so stand in front of the live music, a cluster of seats or a focal point – e.g. the bulge in Ancient Centurions trousers . The object here is to get within 4 feet of him and buy him a beer.

If you achieved this he will know why you are there, and you will be an unpaid beer maid for the night.
 
Bumhole, you must be Grand Marshall at the Gay Pride Parade to come out (phnaar phnaar) with all that touchy-feely verbosity.

There are only two steps a women needs to get a man:

1. Show up naked.
2. Bring beer.

They don't have a Grand Marshall at the parade, it is a Rear Admiral.

Agree about the naked beer serving.
 

The_Snail

ADC
RIP
There is only one step.

1) Lace target no.1's drink with Rohypnol.

Job jobbed.
 
What about the other 55 steps?

They are the ones you take quickly and quietly, out from her bedroom, down the stairs, out the hall, through the front door, and away into dawn.

Making sure to leave the Badges mobile number and name on a piece of paper on the hall table with a heart drawing and "call me, I think I love you" written on the top.
 

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