How to lose friends, then try to get them back

#1
I'm a civvy now, working in Afghanland. Upon my return last week I decided to have a few drinks with some "proper" civvy friends. A good mate of mine D**e, has just split up with his missus.

Now I was only told this the night before I went out with them on the piss. I then consciously told myself to not mention his split-up to him, other than the usual well meaning platitudes.

Cue forward 24hrs to me singing, in a bar, in Central Milton Keynes:

"You've got no wife in your bed la la la la la."

(To the tune of "Brown Girl in the Ring" by Boney M)

I was singing this over and over for a good while before he belted me, I then threw up over him. Bear in mind please I had drank in excess of 20 pints of Guiness by this stage (dry FOB's in the east).

Now my question is, should I apologise to him? Or, should he apologise for tawtting me?

Clearly this sort of behaviour has alienated a couple of my mates, or more likely they won't answer their phones to me for a bit.

I await your opinions with baited breath.

K_I
 
#2
Why didn't you want your ex mate Dave's name aired in a public forum?
 
#3
Have you forgotten mates lamp each other all the time. Surely part of the grieving process.
A Guinness and curry shower on the other hand.
Civvies don't get it usually. Explain that you were giving him grief counciling squaddie style and then get him laid. Job done.
 
#4
Why haven't you boned his ex yet?
 
#5
Airborne_Aircrew said:
Why haven't you boned his ex yet?

Thinking the same thing. Then a while later, to help take his mind off this first incident you could sing:

"I've got your wife in my bed la la la la la."

(To the tune of "Brown Girl in the Ring" by Boney M)


Guaranteed. It'll work.
 
#6
slipperman said:
Why didn't you want your ex mate Dave's name aired in a public forum?

shhhh, persec ffs...
 
#7
I'm happily married so "boneing" his ex is out of the question. I could probably get a phone number for anyone desperate enough out there ;)
 
#8
Krazy_Ivan said:
I'm happily married so "boneing" his ex is out of the question. I could probably get a phone number for anyone desperate enough out there ;)
Either she's under the patio in the back garden or you're a massive marriage walt.
 
#9
Krazy_Ivan said:
I'm happily married so "boneing" his ex is out of the question.
Then you're a liar.

Pick one -
1. No squaddie is happily married.
2. No squaddie gives regard to his marriage when thinking about porking another bird.

or

3. You're actually a stinking civvie.
 
#10
tired_chimp said:
Krazy_Ivan said:
I'm happily married so "boneing" his ex is out of the question.
Then you're a liar.

Pick one -
1. No squaddie is happily married.
2. No squaddie gives regard to his marriage when thinking about porking another bird.

or

3. You're actually a stinking civvie.
Well for starters, I'm an ex-squaddie. I'm happy and I'm married. Perhaps "happily married" is an overstatement, but it seems to work.

BTW tired_chimp call me a civvy again and I'll tear out you eyes and skullfuck you.

Anyway, why would anyone walt marriage?
 
#11
tired_chimp said:
Krazy_Ivan said:
I'm happily married so "boneing" his ex is out of the question.
Then you're a liar.

Pick one -
1. No squaddie is happily married.
2. No squaddie gives regard to his marriage when thinking about porking another bird.

or

3. You're actually a stinking civvie.
Well for starters, I'm an ex-squaddie. I'm happy and I'm married. Perhaps "happily married" is an overstatement, but it seems to work.

BTW tired_chimp call me a civvy again and I'll tear out your eyes and skullfuck you.

Anyway, why would anyone walt marriage?
 
#12
Krazy_Ivan said:
tired_chimp said:
Krazy_Ivan said:
I'm happily married so "boneing" his ex is out of the question.
Then you're a liar.

Pick one -
1. No squaddie is happily married.
2. No squaddie gives regard to his marriage when thinking about porking another bird.

or

3. You're actually a stinking civvie.
Well for starters, I'm an ex-squaddie. I'm happy and I'm married. Perhaps "happily married" is an overstatement, but it seems to work.

BTW tired_chimp call me a civvy again and I'll tear out your eyes and skullfuck you.

Anyway, why would anyone walt marriage?
He is "Happily married"

His wife told me he was last month to the tune of

" Do me in the ring, tra la la la la"
 
#13
Krazy_Ivan said:
BTW tired_chimp call me a civvy again and I'll tear out your eyes and skullfuck you.

Anyway, why would anyone walt marriage?
Oh right.... I see your aggressive online keyboard commando persona and raise you a FUCK OFF YOU CIVVIE CUNT.
 
#14
tired_chimp said:
Krazy_Ivan said:
BTW tired_chimp call me a civvy again and I'll tear out your eyes and skullfuck you.

Anyway, why would anyone walt marriage?
Oh right.... I see your aggressive online keyboard commando persona and raise you a FUCK OFF YOU CIVVIE CUNT.
Calm down Tired_chump, couldn't you see the squaddie humour in his jest? You'd have to be a civvi not to see he was having a laugh! ;)
 
#16
As a true mate you should go round to his place, offer your humble apologies for mocking his break-up, and then offer up your own wife for him to then shag senseless.

If you were a true mate anyway.
 
#17
On the other hand he might want you to rag him senseless, so as a true mate you would have to oblige (only if your a civvy twat though)
 

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