How to Get Rid of a Thieving Scrote

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by kernowpuss, Apr 2, 2008.

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  1. Whilst I was on annual leave last week my boss unwittingly took on a lad who burgled my daughter 18 months ago. The only reason he never got prosecuted was the witness, who seen him coming out of her flat with her belongings and putting them in his car, was shown a photo of him from the internet by my daughter to verify that it was this lad and because of this the police said the case would not stand up.
    When I told my boss about this we looked into how we could retract the job offer of a 3 months trial, but because he had put it into writing there is nothing we can do, we have to accept him.
    I also know this lad takes drugs and my only hope is that when the cocky git comes in on induction tomorrow,I have set up a pre-employment medical for the afternoon, where he will be drug tested (he does'nt know this) and will hopefully fail!
    Whats really pissed me off is the audacity of this scrote as he knows I am her Mum and has bragged to my younger daughter that he will soon be working for her Mummy.
    I've made sure today that all the lads know he's a thieving cnut and that if he passes the drugs test, too know where to point the finger if their tools start going missing.
    Any other suggestions on how to get rid of this piece of filth ASAP would be greatly appreciated.
  2. Erm, don't offer the job to him?
  3. Read the above....slowly!
  4. well you say hes on a 3 month trial couldnt you at the end just say he isnt up to the standard you require and off he goes?
  5. Yes and no doubt we will, but it still means I have to put up with the cnut for 3 months!
  6. I am sure if he is really unsatisfactory you could let him go before the end of the three months. Just ensure you follow the usual verbal, written and final warnings type sketch. If he is as much of a scrote as you say, he should Feck up on day one, two and three so you have to put up with him for three whole days before booting him out.
  7. For the 3 months he works find out as much about him and his family as possible. Then PM me all the details. Try and find out if he wishes to be buried or cremated.
  8. Lets hope some of the lads make his life hell and he leaves on his own accord.
  9. I really do hope so, as another thing my boss was concerned about was what would the implications be for me and my girls if he has any suspicions that the reason he will be gone (because if it is the last thing I do he will be) is because of me.
  10. Be really nice to him. Make his brews and so on. Just dont let him find out you skiffed the cup.

    Get the lads to invite him out for an after work drink, get him good and lashed up and then drop him off at a gay bar.

    Im sure others will provide lots more entertaining things to do to him.
  11. Thank you SP :thumright:
  12. Maybe I Should just hit him around the head with one of the biggest torque wrenches we have :D
  13. kernow, this may be the naafi, but you want to be careful how you handle the turd.

    Employment law is a funny thing and if you set him up so that he has to leave, he may find a way to get back at you through employment law. I don't think that constructive dismissal applies to probationary periods, but may be wrong.

    If I were you, I'd have a word with your HR guys before he arrives and there are a number of Arrsers who have a better clue than I do about Employment stuff.

    How come he's still in comms with your daughter, if he's a thieving scrote?
  14. any chance you work with bear traps???
  15. Mechanic?
    He'll be welcome around the Snap-On tool boxes.

    My understanding is that you have few/no rights re unfair dismissal until you've been employed for 2 years; IANAL. Some devious employers dismiss employees approaching their 2nd anniversary of starting.

    Search the archives here;

    If this is correct, tell him he's unsuitable (he isn't) on day one and suggest he go forth and multiply, as sweetly as possible.