How to get a job

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Snoreador, Apr 13, 2011.

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  1. "20 year old aspirational dental nurse was advised to remove her facial piercings and replace her hoody and jeans with black trousers and a blouse before taking her CV to prospective employers. The response was overwhelmingly positive."

    No shit. Front page of The Times.
  2. Darn; that's what I've been doing wrong.
  3. No pics of this 20 year old nurse with her baps out?
  4. Some definate crossover with this and the 'Poor Uk Education Standards' thread. I was taught all of this kind of thing in School, I even had to buy The Times today to see for myself that a 20 year old had to recieve 'expert help' with this.
  5. I used to go out with a lass who worked in a Large Optical firm . One of her tasks was to weed out the dross who had applied for jobs, just by reading their CV's.

    Showing me the latest offering one day . Out of 50 CV's at least 10 were sent in on paper ripped from a ring binder or from an excercise book . One was even on a single sheet from a note pad with the ring perferations on top.

    35 of the others wer spelt by a moran who did not use the speel chucker on ther PC.

    And this was back in 1994.
  6. Coming next: '20 year old aspirational dental nurse sues for breach of her right to freedom of expression'
  7. Answer:

    Don't be fussy! Is the pay better than the 'dole'? If so, take the job, but keep on looking.

    Advice for future questioners:

    Don't follow the spiv Blair's advice and waste three years of your life 'gaining' a worthless and utterly useless 'degree'.
    • Like Like x 1
  8. I tend to skip pass the education bit when looking through Cv's. Everyone has 3 million GCSE's, people who are actually thick just don't put the grade on. Most will have a degree in an irrelevant subject. even if the degree is relevant, it's usually taught by someone who left the industry years ago, or are on the leading edge of technology, that won't be used for years.

    Experience is key, flexible approach is a must nowadays. Same as the army, we have plenty to choose from in the private sector.

    Most of all, if it's a small to medium size company, personality during the interview. You could be perfectly qualified and answer all the questions spot on, but if I think your going to make my or anyone else who's established in the company shit itch. You won't be getting a call back.
  9. Read Whet's posts and just do the opposite.
  10. Most people would expect a good effort in dress and appearance at candidate interviews. The world hasn't changed that much. You don't always have to recruit good, or the best, people because you can also make them. But have the right skills and acumen for the job you want. At least do your homework before you come. Attitude, attitude, attitude. More experience and development can be gained later. Show a consistent work record or at least a commitment to learn, and bring a portfolio. Some of us trust our Gut instinct and if you've made an effort with the basic standards, we can work on the rest.
  11. Is the dull **** still posting on here thought he'd popped smoke down to the job center
  12. I think he's re-inventing himself or will be when he wakes up.
  13. You wouldn't want to. Well, I suppose, are you dirty? Could always be a double-bagger.

    Off to the NAAFI I go!
  14. I did attend a job interview at the Home Office many, many moons ago with a beery breath like a brewery after drinking a tad too much Falling Doon water on the train from Edinburgh once.... Of course I didn't get the job..... but hey... the Home Office missed a grand opportunity with someone like Moi and my multi-talented personality....... or was it split personality....... There apparently wasn't much call for 25 stone ex-soldiers to be security guards at the main entrance..... they wanted fit personal who would look the part...... boogar....

    Another job interview took me to Perth Prison to become a potential PO (Prison Occiffer)..... but I failed that..... my eyes were a tad dim.... to much pulling pud does for you..... ahaha
  15. Yep. The fact that he's a biff that can spend 18 hours a day typing in front of a computer and can still drive a car despite being too narcoleptic to work raised a few eyebrows at the Job Centre.

    The days when you could take the pi$$ out of incapacity benefit like Whet did are long gone. Hopefully, he's now somewhere saying "Would you like fries with that?" about a thousand times a day.