How to get a job - pointer number 1

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Sympathetic_Reaction, Jul 25, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Sympathetic_Reaction

    Sympathetic_Reaction LE Book Reviewer

  2. Paging whet!*

    (*when he wakes up)
  3. Bugger, I thought that two blokes had got a job.
  4. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    good for both of them- the bloke for getting out there and the guy who offered him the job.
  5. How dare you suggest that our resident Socialist Worker is anything less than industrious. He's feverishly studying medical textbooks in preparation for the medical assessment that the Tories (and Lib Dems) have promised him. They're unlikely to swallow a story about a bloke who drives a car being too sleepy to work so he's looking for a disabling illness that can't be diagnosed by physical means, only by listening to a list of symptoms from the patient.

    What ailment could go on Whet's new biff chit? Here are a few to get you started:-

    Depression (catatonic is always good)
    PTSD (the NAAFI once ran out of egg banjos - he keeps getting flashbacks - the horror, the horror)
    Bipolar disorder (refuse to sit down, keep telling jokes, then start crying)
    Explosive diarrhoea (bring the evidence to the interview - they'll sign your chit in no time)

    Can you think of any more?
  6. Who knows what he will come up with. I suspect it will be a debilitating illness though that might even warrant a trip to the Dignitas clinic in Switzerland - for which I'm willing to pay his one way ticket!
  7. Inertia?.....
  8. I always thought that the trick described in the film, Training Day, was a good one. All you need is a jar of nutella smeared in your crack. As you're being interviewed, calmly reach behind, grab a good finger-full and lick it off.
  9. Personally, I'd prefer to see Indignitas used: Spectacular suicides now available from Swiss clinic Indignitas | NewsBiscuit

    or, as they said in The Thick of It, "I could call Indignitas. They could come around and shove you out of the window, dressed as a clown."
  10. Well that's just fine and dandy and fits in with Tory thinking if you try hard enough you will succeed. Forgeting that you can only get a job if it's there, glossing over the fact that he spent 2yrs on the dole first, this was an act of desperation not ******* determination.
    I saw a programme a couple of years ago that had Sir Digby Jones pontificating about how someone had started in a company had worked hard enough had now become a supervisor, all very admirable. But not everyone can be top dog can they?
    The ammount of jobs is pretty much finite. Seems that for all his business accumen he can't fathom basic maths!
  11. Sadly it's a line that sells well if you frame it right - gameshows and crap like The Apprentice and Dragon's Den usually do it for the masses. It also helps to explain why in the US millions of some of the least well off people in the developed world have spent the better half of the last 30 years voting for the Republicans, and against their own interests. "This time next year Rodney!", etc.
  12. Actually you're wrong there llech. The job market is not finite. When an employer takes on another worker he/she does it on the basis that that worker will add value to the business. If any worker can cover their own wages then there will be work for them. I once took on a telesales girl who got me more business in a month than the previous one had in a year. I had no vacancy for her when I heard about her but took her on on the basis that she would cover her work and more. She was that good that I had to hire another person to keep up with the work she was providing.
    I agree that not everyone can be top dog but it is good to know that you can progress if you work hard, isn't it?
    By the way, have a pop at the Tories if you like but he was two years unemployed, now, who was in power during those two years? He is now employed, who is in power now? (Don't worry, it was said tongue-in-cheek although I'm sure the Tories will tell you that it was the atmosphere of hope that they created that helped him get employment).
  13. 99% of the time, if you try hard enough you will succeed.

    It never ceases to amaze me when people whine about the lack of jobs, despite sitting on their arrses all day long. Finding a job is a full time job in itself, and it requires you perfecting your CV; making sure you're clean shaven and presentable; practising not talking like a chav; maybe even doing some volunteer work to prove your willingness to work hard. Do those things and approach enough people*, and it's a mathematical certainty that you will eventually find yourself in front of an employer who's willing to give you a shot.

    And if you really can't find a 'job', what's stopping you becoming self employed? You might have to work long hours and do something you don't particularly enjoy, but you'll be making a wage**. And if you really put the effort in, you may even grow your business to the point where you can start employing others.

    *I don't mean going to the job centre twice a week and making a couple of calls. I mean putting on a suit and knocking on every business door in a 50 mile radius - and then starting over if you fail first time around.

    **There's an ex-Army guy at my nearest train station who makes a wage by polishing shoes. I'm sure it's not what he envisaged for himself, and he probably doesn't enjoy it a great deal - but it pays the bills and he walks with his head held high because he's not stealing from the state.
  14. I think a lot of people like to believe that there are no jobs because it's easier to blame the government/immigrants/aliens for your unemployment than to face the reality that you're a lazy worthless drain on society.