How to disappear.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mr Binky, Jul 8, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Hello, my fellow ARRSER's,
    I have a question for you.

    Now, I am a retired chap it is true , but I am only in my late forties and I am reasonably fit and proper.

    My first wife died young, bless her, and I remarried to a basically horrid bitch. My kids are all grown and lovely and themselves sick of the trouble causing old bag I chose, (ill advisedly), as am I.
    The estate will go to my eldest - and naught can change that, and my youngest will get the bulk of her Grandparents remainder, (and end up a richer young lady than us all, I reckon).

    So, I am sick of the money grabbing hyena and I have told my Children I might disappear for a while, at least until the laughing hyena has perished from drink - a fate which must soon befall her.

    So my ARRSER's this is the crux - I have a good and fairly anonymous fund, that can give me a reasonable living almost anywhere in the world.
    I want to disappear for at least five years, and won't be found the while, I can fund a nice life almost anywhere, but, I will need to be able to be contactable by a few folk, i.e. my children.. If I can lie doggo for a few years I reckon that at least my kids won't have to suffer from the ridiculous choices I made while I was basically cunt-struck.

    So, please ,my fellows, how can I disappear and do so without trace?.

    Advice please.:)
  2. Speak to Sluggy.

    She will happily keep you locked in the shed for 5 years while she continues to cash your Giro.
    • Like Like x 4
  3. Sounds like you'd be missed.

    Wouldn't it be better if she disappeared without a trace?
    • Like Like x 8
  4. Send me an email and we'll discuss it.


    Mr J Bourne. QDJM
    • Like Like x 1
  5. The other answer is to run off to Italy and take up snow boarding.

    The CSA will never find you there, or discover that you were a medical storeman in the TA and not a Paratrooper.
    • Like Like x 2
  6. Become a Weapon of Mass Destruction - no fucker ever finds them
    • Like Like x 4
  7. Give me say 20 grand and i will end her for you.

    On the other hand, Go to thailand for five years and live like an absolute king without actually spending much at all. You could probably buy a nice new wife there.
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Beware that she could do all sorts of dirty tricks in your absence. Such as sell the house, have you declared dead and who knows what, but there must be a long list of things she could do to spoil things. Probably get another bloke in for a start. And without a doubt she will definately ruin your reputation with all manner of lies (ok, maybe with home truths for all I know!). She is bound to start all manner of rows with your family and friends too, so you'll be leaving them to deal with it all.

    I suggest you have another think about all this.

    Here's an idea just off the cuff. Tell her you secretly married some other bird and never got divorced, so your current marriage is nul and void, then kick her out.
  9. I need to see pics of this woman to give informed advice.
    • Like Like x 1
  10. I haven't got any pictures that I can post, and in any case that would be bad persec, but she is fairly nice to look at - think Andrea Mclean or such, but she is a maniac and quite pissed at all times. I've paid upwards of a five figure sum for rehab and various clinics, and 'rescued' her from two or three casual fucks whilst she was pissed. Enough.
  11. sounds a bit like my 2nd wifes sister, my wife no 2 was the bitch from hell,I worked out the best way to frustrate her and drive her nuts was to live in the marital home, giveher enough geld to keep her happy, do all my dhobi ,cleaning and cooking in my half the house, but otherwise completely ignoring her, she couldnt truthfully complain or whinge about me, because everyone knew what I was doing, her own children a nd grand children hated her, if I had divorced her under german law, she could legally bleed me dry,after 2 years she moved of her own volition, funny thing is she died not long after moving out , no suspicious circumstances honest!!sadly 14 days after the funeral we had to dig her up and nail her Gob shut, then I had her cremated better safe than sorry! As far as disappearing mate, lots of lovely little vietnamese and malay beachside hideaways with no visa problems to speak of, unlike thailand unless you deposit a large sum in a thai bank you have to border hop every 3 months for a visa, I would personally recommend vietnam , we tried thailand on and off for 8 years ,but now our 2nd home is north of vungtau great people, cheap good living ,great people, and if your are single looking for a companion,whether male female or mixed there is an abundance , not in your face like thailand, my wife loves it there too, the grandkids cannot stay away, saigon is manic if you feel the need for sex ,drugs and rock and roll but its a great place to disappear,
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Get lawyer.

    Start divorce based on her unreasonable behaviour.

    Then fuck off somewhere else, leaving your solicitor as the only way for her to communicate with you.

    Stay in touch with children by Skype and visits.
  13. Now then Mr. Nignoy, you are obviously very bitter, but has that bitterness honestly crippled your ability to use paragraghs?.
    I couldn't read a bloody word of that.

    Do try to approximate coherency, there's a good fellow.
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Seriously, does this kind of wantonness not give good grounds for divorce? You'll have considered it, I assume?