A friend who I shall call Dave told me a story about his younger, wilder boozing days. He had a mohican Hair cut, so it was back in the 1980s. He was getting ready to go out on a Friday nights pub crawl, and had just donned a pair of pink underpants and had completed his mohican hair style, when the front door bell rang. He went to the door, as one does, opened it, and there were 2 well presented young American Geezers from a nameless Religious Church who tried to 'sell' Dave their brand of religion. Dave was not only in a hurry to get ready to finish dressing to go out to meet his mates, he was also excellently pee'd off by being so rudely interrupted. Dave being an earthly sort of chap told them in no uncertain terms..... "Fook off ye fooking bampots!!" (y'see Dave must have been from Glasgae). So said Religious Church members took the hint and buggered ofski... Some days later, Dave's girl Friend, Stella was round at his gaff, when again the front door bell rang, and outside stood 2 well turned out people who said that they were from the Church of XXXXX XXXXX (XXXXXXX Witnesses). The girlfriend being a friendly lass invited them in, and a long conversation ensued. But Stella was not convinced. So the Religious Personages said that they would come back the next evening. One of Dave's mates was round at the flat also. When there was a ring on the doorbell, and Stella asked her friend to get the door. Dave's pal was also none too pleased to see these good folks peddling religion round at the door. So the Religious Personages reps asked if they could speak to the lady of the houses, Stella. So Dave's pal said that Stella was not available a the moment....... "'She wasnae available Cos she was out in the Garden sucking off the pet Goat!!" Needless to say the Religious Personages looked absolutely horrified, and mumbled some excuse that they had an appointment elsehwere. When I heard this story, I laughed so much I nearly wet myself. It is a true story.