How to Deal with Religious Door Knockers (True story - I Think)

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by uncle_vanya, Sep 20, 2012.

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  1. A friend who I shall call Dave told me a story about his younger, wilder boozing days. He had a mohican Hair cut, so it was back in the 1980s. He was getting ready to go out on a Friday nights pub crawl, and had just donned a pair of pink underpants and had completed his mohican hair style, when the front door bell rang.

    He went to the door, as one does, opened it, and there were 2 well presented young American Geezers from a nameless Religious Church who tried to 'sell' Dave their brand of religion. Dave was not only in a hurry to get ready to finish dressing to go out to meet his mates, he was also excellently pee'd off by being so rudely interrupted. Dave being an earthly sort of chap told them in no uncertain terms.....

    "Fook off ye fooking bampots!!" (y'see Dave must have been from Glasgae). So said Religious Church members took the hint and buggered ofski...

    Some days later, Dave's girl Friend, Stella was round at his gaff, when again the front door bell rang, and outside stood 2 well turned out people who said that they were from the Church of XXXXX XXXXX (XXXXXXX Witnesses). The girlfriend being a friendly lass invited them in, and a long conversation ensued. But Stella was not convinced. So the Religious Personages said that they would come back the next evening.

    One of Dave's mates was round at the flat also. When there was a ring on the doorbell, and Stella asked her friend to get the door. Dave's pal was also none too pleased to see these good folks peddling religion round at the door. So the Religious Personages reps asked if they could speak to the lady of the houses, Stella. So Dave's pal said that Stella was not available a the moment.......

    "'She wasnae available Cos she was out in the Garden sucking off the pet Goat!!"

    Needless to say the Religious Personages looked absolutely horrified, and mumbled some excuse that they had an appointment elsehwere. When I heard this story, I laughed so much I nearly wet myself. It is a true story.

  3. In all honesty I politely say "I'm not interested" or lie and say " I'm in the middle of cooking/baking so haven't the time to talk"

    Yeah it's not funny or witty but they go away.
  4. Usually they have a younger female as one of the pair, to keep people interested. I just look at the girl and ask "what is the age of consent in your cult?"
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  5. you could say " Can you wait a few minutes? I'll just finish offering up the scarificial chicken to Lucifer then I'll be right back"
  6. Here's a thought, open door, recognise caller, close door, resume whatever you where doing. True, not very amusing, but then neither is the OP.
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  7. When did you start getting so fussy?
  8. I tell them I'm a pagan Idolator and they are wasting their time with me, but try him across the street, he's a thick kunt.
  9. I just go to the door and speak with a Scouse accent, they usually just apologise and say they have the wrong door.
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  10. I don't answer the door. I just press a button that releases the leopards.
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  11. invite them in a start telling them about your conversion to taoism,and then just mumble rubbish,they soon piss off.
  12. The ploy that really pisses me off is when 2 of the cunts turn up in the pissing rain, with a wet bedraggled child between them, playing the sympathy card so you invite them in.

    "Here's a Lemsip for the brat, now fuck off, bastards.....!"
  13. Simple, I answer the door, if there are 2 non swimmers of any variety (not that rare round here, but most don't knock on the door, just try coming through the windows when it's dark) or 2 immaculately dressed Caucasian males(normally males, I've yet to see a Mormon female) they get the door shut in their face. I really can't be bothered, there's either porn to look at or I'm busy watching paint dry.
  14. They tend not to knock on my door either. If they did, I'd invite them in and test them on their Osmond Brothers Lyrics Recognition.

    They'd soon scarper.
  15. Hang one of these in direct line of your open door, put a thin black riband across one
    corner. Make sure they can see it, just like a 'Double Diamond' works wonders.
    Robert Ley, on the left of Hess, looks like he's sporting a monster horn.