How to deal with my son

#1
I have the misfortune of being the father of one of the most irritating wastes of skin ever to walk this fine earth and would dearly love to silence him once and for all. My problem is this; he has armed himself with enough small arms to equip a small army so any attempt I make to keep him quiet may well be met with a hail of bullets. Is there any way to get him to shut up without endangering those around him.

Please help


Concerned father.
 
#2
Mmmmm, is the place he's shacked up remote? By those around him do you mean folk who are not completely innocent/expendable?

If the answer to both is 'YES', then you need an air-strike........................ Pop over to the RAF's ARRSE equivalent for more details....
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#3
Call the police and inform them there's a Brazilian without a visa!

edited for spelling like a mong
 
#4
Crabair? Only if you need the problem resolved between 9:30 in the morning and 16:30, weekdays only, if the weather is fine and there's nothing on the TV.

Otherwise call the Gunners.

A variety of Fire plans are available, to suit all pockets. May we suggest the following might be appropriate?

This file was blocking downloads MIB
 
#5
Soz bunny, I thought you lot were all away on AT or some such stuff......
 
#6
Poison his tea, coffee or alternate beverage of choice.

May I recommend stricnine, or, if feeling flush, the cutaneous excretions of certain sarf american frogs.

Fast, effective, and chest-clutchingly entertaining.
 
#9
If you live in a high rise why not do what E*** C****** did, and push the annoying little fecker out the window !!
 
#10
shines said:
If you live in a high rise why not do what E*** C******* did, and push the annoying little fecker out the window !!
Hey MOD!!!!!!! Ain't that remark "LIBEL" ???????????
 
#11
Is Dogfaces_Dad also known as Philip? If so, his son ought to be surrounded by small arms.
 
#13
Dogfaces_Dad said:
I have the misfortune of being the father of one of the most irritating wastes of skin ever to walk this fine earth and would dearly love to silence him once and for all. My problem is this; he has armed himself with enough small arms to equip a small army so any attempt I make to keep him quiet may well be met with a hail of bullets. Is there any way to get him to shut up without endangering those around him.

Please help


Concerned father.

Is this Dogface your son, Dogfaces_Dad? The description seems to match and he seems to needs wasting.

http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/Your_Account/profile=13220.html
 
#14
Tell your local bobbies that you think he might be in the process of organising a terrorist attack somewhere as he seems to be armed to the teeth with allsorts of weapons.Then sit back and wait for the response usually around 03.00 am in the morning if my memory is correct.When they are carting him oot tell him to stay away as he is a menace to society and to you.
 
#15
Onetap said:
Dogfaces_Dad said:
I have the misfortune of being the father of one of the most irritating wastes of skin ever to walk this fine earth and would dearly love to silence him once and for all. My problem is this; he has armed himself with enough small arms to equip a small army so any attempt I make to keep him quiet may well be met with a hail of bullets. Is there any way to get him to shut up without endangering those around him.

Please help


Concerned father.

Is this Dogface your son, Dogfaces_Dad? The description seems to match and he seems to needs wasting.

http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/Your_Account/profile=13220.html
Unfortunately yes, that Dogface is my son. I'm really sorry, please don't think badly of me. :cry:
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#16
Take his Playstation off him and stop his pocket money. It works on my 12 year old - they seem to have the same mental age....

BTW - it's not ALWAYS the fault of the parents.
 
#17
Legs said:
Take his Playstation off him and stop his pocket money. It works on my 12 year old - they seem to have the same mental age....

BTW - it's not ALWAYS the fault of the parents.
Thanks legs, it does warm my heart to think that there is some forgiveness in the world, however, he's still a stain on the human race and I can't escape the fact that I brought him into this world. I find it hard to sleep at night thinking of all the innocent people that have to put up with him. :cry:
 
#18
Dogfaces_Dad said:
Legs said:
Take his Playstation off him and stop his pocket money. It works on my 12 year old - they seem to have the same mental age....

BTW - it's not ALWAYS the fault of the parents.
Thanks legs, it does warm my heart to think that there is some forgiveness in the world, however, he's still a stain on the human race and I can't escape the fact that I brought him into this world. I find it hard to sleep at night thinking of all the innocent people that have to put up with him. :cry:
Smother him with a pillow while he sleeps..... cheap and quite :wink:
 
#19
Go on holiday to remotest Africa and lose him...
 
#20
Apply super glue to the pistol grips of all of his weapons.

When he wakes in the morning and reaches for that first feel of his subsitute dummy his hand will stick, he will of course not think this a bad thing and will reach with his other hand to stoke one of the other phallic extensions that he has around him, this hand will also stick.

He will still not think this is a bad thing, in his mind having these penis subsitutes permenently attached to his body is as close to heaven as he could get.

He will be in raptures and this will cause his somewhat twisted libido to go into overdrive and he will have to find some relief, in other words he will desperately need a w@nk.

Having large pieces of metal stuck to his hands he will find grasping his undersized organ difficult and his brain will implode due to the unresolvable dichotomy of having his objects of desire attached to him but not being able to express his devotion in the only way he knows how.


Alternatively wait until he goes to sleep and batter him to death with a blunt object.
 

Latest Threads