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How to cold approach a neighbour you think might need help?

I don't know how to approach a neighbour - a lady in a wheel chair, well, not really a wheel chair, more a sort of 'utility vehicle'. Damn, I just can't think of a way to describe it.

I noted in another thread how upset I was about her disappearing for a bit - she has been gone since the beginning of the year, so nearly two months now. But now she has suddenly reappeared. Yay..

I pass her house very often, and she is in the same spot, with no friends at all. I think she must lead a very lonely life. I lead a very lonely life, so I can spot the signs. It isn't hard. Her neighbours do not help her. She is always alone.

I would like to knock on her door and just tell her if she needs anything, then I don't mind fetching it for her. And this is why I am such a coward: I am worried about her having to get up off her seat and come and answer the door. I don't want to startle her. It's probably quite a stupid viewpoint that I have. Hence me asking the question. I have talked to her a couple of times before in passing, but I am absolutely sure she does not remember me.

What can I do to approach her? Should I just knock on her door and wait for her to get up to answer? Should I write a card with a small note with my number on it? I really don't know.

I'm just so happy she is back. I really thought the worst had happened. I am hoping she has been on a world cruise and not spent her time in hospital, but whatever, none of my business.

She is a very good humoured lady I must add. She has no self-pity and is pretty normal, with the few interactions I have had with her. Funnily enough, she was getting ready to have an eye test the day I went and got my first set of glasses.

Should I just bite the bullet and knock on her door and wait for her to answer?

I'm about to do some voluntary work, and I will have no problem in being fully checked out and working with vulnerable adults and kids, but she doesn't seem the type to ask for help - she is very self contained - just reading her books every time I pass.

I don't really give a **** about her neighbours, as her neighbours don't seem to give a **** about her. I just want to know what is the correct protocol for doing a totally cold approach like this.

She probably won't remember me with the few interactions we have had, and she may think it strange, a strange man offering to give her help. It is a sad indictment of the society we live in, but there you go...

Perhaps the card through the letter box would be a better option. It would be ideal if I could catch her on her doorstep again, and just pass the time of day. But that is unlikely.

I was really worried about her and I can't tell you how happy it makes me feel to see she is back alive and kicking. I said if she ever came back I would take the leap and contact her.

What should I do? How can I approach this?
 
Why offer "help"?

Why not just be honest and say you missed her? Then tell her that you're not too impressed with the neighbours and you wouldn't mind some company and a chat with a friendly face now and again? Make her feel she's the one doing you a favour, not the other way round?

The worst that can happen that way is she'll feel sorry for you, which has to beat making her feel sorry for herself, and at least it doesn't sound as if she's the local gossip!
 
Simple suggestion to break ice, send cards through a few neighbours doors saying you're keen to meet people and get to know your neighbours - would anyone like to come round for a cup of tea on such and such a date? See whether they come or not - then just try to get to know the local people on the street, and you may find people share similar concerns.

On my street, we've lived there for many years and it wasnt until something that collectively caught us all up and gave us a chance to speak that we actually got to know each other and form a network. It doesnt take much, but I'd aim for the street not an individual, and then you'll find the individual slowly becoming part of that group.

Don't underestimate how lonely other neighbours may be too...
 
why don't you just try knocking for crying out loud, if she can;'t be bothered to get up and answer it the she won't.

If she ignores the door knocking then post a card if you like.

Pull yourself together man.
 
I think it's perfectly reasonable to knock on her door and just say hello and tell her you're alone and looking for an elderly friend with whom to spend the rest of your days.

It probably wouldn't hurt to do a few things to put her at her ease without having to openly discuss. For example, an XXL tube of lube clearly protruding from your jeans pocket shows you know she doesn't want you going in dry. Perhaps a small piece of Werther's Original in the corner of your mouth. The smell of lavender never fails to get them gushing either.
 
What the **** has happened to this website?

Nothing:

It probably wouldn't hurt to do a few things to put her at her ease without having to openly discuss. For example, an XXL tube of lube clearly protruding from your jeans pocket shows you know she doesn't want you going in dry. Perhaps a small piece of Werther's Original in the corner of your mouth. The smell of lavender never fails to get them gushing either.
 
Write 'want a shag?' In green crayon on a bit of paper, tie it round a brick and throw in through her window.
That should get her attention and make your intentions clear.
 
take some nice cakes or biscuits round
say you thought she might like these with a cuppa
most likely she will invite you in and you can chat
loneliness is a real killer
my wife looks after lots of elderly folk, many of them despite having very affluent families rarely see them
 
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