How to behave?

#1
How to behave?
Anyone ever heard of a course run by Military to teach the non serving partner how to behave at mess functions and how to host an At Home night?


I think its a load of old bollocks but a friend of a friend of a friend says she is off on said course.

If such a course exists I want to go on it, I hate to miss out on anything : )
 
#2
How to behave?
Anyone ever heard of a course run by Military to teach the non serving partner how to behave at mess functions and how to host an At Home night?


I think its a load of old bollocks but a friend of a friend of a friend says she is off on said course.

If such a course exists I want to go on it, I hate to miss out on anything : )
I also think it's a load of old bollocks, but if there is a market for that sort of thing, when are we starting our business?

It's probably a unit run thing because their mess is full of skanky wives.
 
#3
oooo I like your thinking Sluggot.

Patent that idea and between us we will have them queueing up to attend.
 
#4
oooo I like your thinking Sluggot.

Patent that idea and between us we will have them queueing up to attend.
I'll take the North, you take the South, and Bigbird can cover the Midlands. Literally :)
 
#5
Judging from the wives nights in the mess I've seen you find someone who you don't like the look of and glass the ****.
 
#6
Mess Functions would be boring if the wives were all prim and proper, you need them flashing, farting and being load and at the end of the night trying to sneak out the function with the table centre piece stuck up her dress
 
#7
Mess Functions would be boring if the wives were all prim and proper, you need them flashing, farting and being load and at the end of the night trying to sneak out the function with the table centre piece stuck up her dress
Have you been reading our Joining Instructions?
 
#9
Mess Functions would be boring if the wives were all prim and proper, you need them flashing, farting and being load and at the end of the night trying to sneak out the function with the table centre piece stuck up her dress
So you've met Mrs Rebel then?
 
#10
How to behave?
Anyone ever heard of a course run by Military to teach the non serving partner how to behave at mess functions and how to host an At Home night?


I think its a load of old bollocks but a friend of a friend of a friend "says" she is off on said course.

If such a course exists I want to go on it, I hate to miss out on anything : )
Sounds like she's just making excuses to get away for a couple of days...
 
#11
How to behave?
Anyone ever heard of a course run by Military to teach the non serving partner how to behave at mess functions and how to host an At Home night?


I think its a load of old bollocks but a friend of a friend of a friend says she is off on said course.

If such a course exists I want to go on it, I hate to miss out on anything : )
I really hope this post is a waah. You cannot be serious.
 
#12
Mess Functions would be boring if the wives were all prim and proper, you need them flashing, farting and being load and at the end of the night trying to sneak out the single accommodation after getting nailed by a few blokes.
Fixed that for you.:-D
 
#14
How to behave?
Anyone ever heard of a course run by Military to teach the non serving partner how to behave at mess functions and how to host an At Home night?


I think its a load of old bollocks but a friend of a friend of a friend says she is off on said course.

If such a course exists I want to go on it, I hate to miss out on anything : )
Cannot speak for the UK but here the base commander's wife would organise a visit to the mess for newcomers wives that included lunch to show them the protocols and etiquette. Have hosted such an event that has been quite entertaining as some of the younger participants thought it was an opportunity to get totally wrecked!! As for stealing the centre-piece, not gone that far but did manage to "acquire" a plate or two from the Élysée Palace in my younger days!!
 
#15
Cannot speak for the UK but here the base commander's wife would organise a visit to the mess for newcomers wives that included lunch to show them the protocols and etiquette. Have hosted such an event that has been quite entertaining as some of the younger participants thought it was an opportunity to get totally wrecked!! As for stealing the centre-piece, not gone that far but did manage to "acquire" a plate or two from the Élysée Palace in my younger days!!
I was PMC whilst in Cyprus many moons ago and organised a Christmas Ball in one of the nice Hotels on Larnaca Strip for the whole Squadron. The function was great and for a small price (16 Cypress pounds) all entertanment, food, local drinks etc were free all night so copious ammount of alcohol was consumed with many of the wives ending up in the pools. It wasnt until I went to see the manager the next day and he said that his staff had noticed a few items of his nativity play and Christmas decorations around the hotel had vanished. They had set up a full size nativity play with all shiny sparkling objects around it.

On the Monday morning we got all the lads on parade and gave a two day amnesty to hand the stuff back and put it in the bar to collect. I needed a bloody MJ to take all the stuff back down, some of the items (the wives especially) managed to sneak back on the bus were un believeable including a full size replica sheep and a couple of 2 foot high reindeer, I returned over 100 items.....thieving gypsey Squaddies....(and the wives were the worst culprits).
 
#16
Could all women be made to do this course???:)
 
#17
(snip) I needed a bloody MJ to take all the stuff back down, some of the items (the wives especially) managed to sneak back on the bus were un believeable including a full size replica sheep and a couple of 2 foot high reindeer, I returned over 100 items.....thieving gypsey Squaddies....(and the wives were the worst culprits).(snip)
Smuggling a 2 foot high reindeer or a full sized replica sheep out the event must have been quite an achievement, how the hell did they manage to get those in their handbags? There again they might have been inflatable bonking sheep!!
 
#18
Don't forget to teach them that 'comfort breaks' need to be taken four birds minimum at a time, and a bottle of wine MUST be taken in with each group of 4! Gossip, showing of various Spanx (other garments are available) and or caesarian scars, bitching about other wives and sharing lip gloss is compulsory...as is falling asleep on the bog and needing help to get the aforementioned Spanx back on (above and beyond the call of duty but thanks mate!)
 

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