Firefilly, who endures the rigours of the State Childminding System, has music homework tonight. This entails writing a rap on the glories of our local town (which has singularly little to recommend it), each of the 8 verses to contain at least six lines. And no swear words. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to assist in the composition of an ode to an uninspiring patch of concrete set in a rural wilderness. Said town's amenities are a few cr*p pubs and a small leisure centre. And a racecourse which periodically disgorges drunks of differing states of emotional well-being. I had wondered vaguely about taking inspiration from Maurice Minor and the Majors. You may recall "Stutter Rap" contains the immortal lines "I'm down at heel and down on my luck and I'm living on my own and dying for a ffff- friend to say 'you're great....'" Should you all fail to assist me I will be writing the following in her Daybook "Neither Firefilly nor I can see any educational merit in emulating a means of self-expression which is the only preserve available to the lowest intellectual and social common denominator". Then, when in due course, I am hauled in to explain why I am being so unsupportive of the school, I shall go in wearing heels which take me to over six foot, full punk make-up and PVC. They'll take a long time to recover : Ah, our glorious education system - over to you!