That's in very bad taste, Helm.
Everyone knows that enquiries about boot size are proper protocol.
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How shit can life get?
- Thread starter Joker62
- Start date
Everyone knows that enquiries about boot size are proper protocol.
cernunnos
LE
My Stepdad was diagnosed with a virulent bone cancer in his neck and spine and given max three months to live, he was lucky to pop his clogs after only 6 weeks. I was chosen to break the news,not because of my closeness to him but because my mum thought I was the only family member who could do it well.
As it happened I didn’t need to say a word, when I turned up alone with a long face he knew his card was marked. His first words were „how long have I got and does your mum know“?
He was more concerned about the family than himself.
Well, in all seriousness, delivering the news probably won't come as a shock to him.
Unless he's in absolute denial.
Was / is he a smoker? Did he work in an industry where he could have been exposed to nasties?
Main things to stress are:
A) he's on his way out BUT you'll be there to ensure his days are as comfortable as possible
B) the family will be looked after, and if he has any mates, relatives etc that need contacting, you'll go and tell them
C) ghoulish but important: make sure he has a will, executors, bequests, policies etc organised now.
Personal notes on special items, like medals, pens, watches etc mean a lot.
"Fred, I'd like you to wear this watch and remember me at all times!"
D) keep reminding him of the positives... Family, friends, the good life and times, etc
E) if he's a god bothered, arrange a clergy chap to come and visit. Even if he isn't, discuss hymns, tunes etc for a funeral.
Unless he's in absolute denial.
Was / is he a smoker? Did he work in an industry where he could have been exposed to nasties?
Main things to stress are:
A) he's on his way out BUT you'll be there to ensure his days are as comfortable as possible
B) the family will be looked after, and if he has any mates, relatives etc that need contacting, you'll go and tell them
C) ghoulish but important: make sure he has a will, executors, bequests, policies etc organised now.
Personal notes on special items, like medals, pens, watches etc mean a lot.
"Fred, I'd like you to wear this watch and remember me at all times!"
D) keep reminding him of the positives... Family, friends, the good life and times, etc
E) if he's a god bothered, arrange a clergy chap to come and visit. Even if he isn't, discuss hymns, tunes etc for a funeral.
Somehow you'll find the way as I did with my first wife.
However, if possible, tell him when there is a MacMillan and doctor present to explain.
SONAR-BENDER
LE
Well I'd be no good - I'm welling up already.
cernunnos
LE
Which means you would be good. Humanity is a pre-requisite.
4(T)
LE
Apart from informing the bad news, perhaps the most supportive and adult thing is to follow up with "don't worry, I will make sure everything is taken care of properly" (i.e. spouse, family, hobbies, possessions, estate, etc).
Most people facing unexpected Endex don't fear death itself, but what will happen with loved ones and personal matters left behind unresolved.
Most people facing unexpected Endex don't fear death itself, but what will happen with loved ones and personal matters left behind unresolved.
At least he is still around to spend a few moments with, not everyone gets that chance
I had to say goodbye to an old mucker in a coma who was pretty much dead already
It would have been nice to see him before his brain haemorrhage but life doesn’t always give you the chance to say goodbye so make the most of it
I wasn’t aware that my cancer diagnosis was terminal and that surgery was a last grasp at a chance of cheating death
I didn’t talk to anybody outside my wife and kids and only now do I realise how bad it would have been for the rest of my family especially my mum
I've only had to do step up once, and that was for a girlfriend's father who had been in hospital for a fortnight, had already lost his lower leg to gangrene but the blood poisoning had already signed off a number of internal organs.
He seemed to know already even though he had not been told directly, probably as the ward was around 50% full of others in similar predicaments.
Take something into the hospital that you can both relate to, not one of the unfinished models,(or the Jag), once he sees it he should have a good idea of why you are there.
Retired bloke
ADC
Don't. He will know, as my father did, We all knew he hadn't long to go, and so did he, There is nothing gained by blurting out the obvious. Make his last days as comfortable as you can, enjoy his company, laugh at his jokes, enjoy and savior his memory. If he mentions the fact that he thinks his days are numbered "Naa pops, you've got years yet, want a brew?" What will happen will happen, spouting out the obvious doesn't help one iota. 
dingerr
LE
You’ll work it out, you’re a decent bloke with a good heart. I honestly don’t think anyone can give you appropriate advice on the best way to do it. Only you know you and know him.
Many nurses are trained in bereavement, you could try speaking to one of them their may be a priest or hospital volunteer you could speak to as well.
I appreciate it’s breaking you up, but you are big enough, daft enough and ugly enough to look after yourself and you’re not the one dying. Unfortunately you don’t have the luxury of time and I’m sensing you will also be burdened with many more duties over the coming weeks and months as family lean on you, so you simply have to get the shítiest of shítty jobs done.
One final bit of advice DON’T wear a dark hooded long coat when you visit, DON’T ask him what size his boots are, DON’T ask him for that tenner he owes you.
Good luck, best wishes.
Retired bloke
ADC
What he said, and DON'T turn up carrying a scythe!
