How old is too old ??

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Hector_Chavez_V, Mar 24, 2011.

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  1. Props to Delroy Brown for taking time out from being a taxi driver to spread love and happiness through 'Saarf Lahndans' fucking ungrateful pensioners but I don't think even I'd stretch to playing with the tired, biscuit crumb littered slot of an octogenarian.

    Begs the question though, how 'old' have you gone and just how old is too old?

    I've stirred the front and back box of a youngish Grandma, she looked 51 but was probably 50 if a day. I met her in a slummy shithole and got her smashed on rum and blacks before taking a deep breath, composing myself and fucking her valiantly, it wasnt easy though, to reach
    what can laughingly be called an orgasm I had to squeeze my perineum mid thrust whilst imagining she was Diana Dors in Adam Ants 'Prince Charming' video.

    Another belter was a cleaner at Chilwell, I had to tread water for a couple of days after getting home and was slung in the accomodation behind the main gate. After 3 months without a decent wet I was soon skipping back from Tescos with a carrier bag full of spirits and cheap snacks. I met the minging cunt when she was mopping out the washing room and by the second day had talked her into meeting off camp for a drink.
    Ignoring the fact I was out with the towns equivalent of Bet Lynch I again rose to the occasion by smashing her on her settee only to have to wrap when the taxi started beeping outside.

    Foul fuckers are old women with vaginas that hang unnaturally low but there is something to be said for experience..

    (if your old, or Auld :), you can keep tales of your other halves ta ;) )
     
  2. Hmmm, oldest was 11 years older than me, which makes him now pushing 45. That was in the days when I was younger and older men were much more attractive to a young filly.

    When I was rapidly approaching 30 I went the opposite way entirely and became a cougar, which is fucking fantastic, apart from the fact in order to keep up I have to beast myself daily on the cross trainer to avoid becoming Rick Waller in a frock.

    I would still rather a younger man, than dabble with men at the older end of the age scale - there's something about the sight of a wrinkling penis thats furring up like a 3 month old dog shit tht puts me right off.
     
  3. I'm not say how old he was, but if your older then 35 then don't apply.

    I don't think I'm going to change the age as I get older either,

    TPBD
     
  4. What's the point in replying to the thread then if you aren't going to say?

    If you're going to tout your trout on the thread for some under 35 yr old cock then at least TRY and join in the discussion while you do so. Otherwise it's akin to watching paint dry. You're single, we get it.

    Now spill the beans, how old?
     
  5. 18 is too old for me.
     
  6. Listen you dried up old tart I'm not saying because he would be hurt, he was at least 10 years older and never again will I go for that.

    Also I am not touting on here (like others do) simply because shagging old ex fat squaddies has no interest for me what so ever. Also shagging any military personal is a firing offense in my job.

    So as you know jack about me, why don't you keep your mouth closed on the subject

    TPBD
     
  7. What job do you do??! Oh, and when are you putting out? That way I can write about my oldest fuck on ARRSE using you as my shining example of granny-fucking :)
     
  8. Ooooh is that a confirmed snap? I think so. Why so touchy on the subject? Did his dentures drop out into your wooky-hole like minge or did he pop a Werthers up his arse and force you to scoop it out with your tongue?

    Or was he just your uncle?
     
  9. Fight, fight, fight!
     
  10. No he was your father and a crap shagging old man he was too.

    TPBD
     
  11. You banter is dull as fuck, no wonder you're single and have to spend your evenings dressing up charity bears. Get out there sweetcheeks and get a life, before you wake up one day alone,surrounded by cats and reeking of piss and crusted vagisil.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  12. £20 on moody
     
  13. I'm off out, let me know how she gets on :D
     
  14. £20 on them having a 2 min scramble on the floor before one tries to kiss the other, they both end up ripping each others clothes off before an all night fisting session ensues. Both waking up to blood stained sheets, stinking forearms and the realisation that they're both a pair of dirty old lezzers.
     
  15. My money's on the teddy fiddler. I had the misfortune to clock her photo and she's packing bingo wings like Batman's fucking cape. One haymaker from those fuckers and it's lights out forever. The gopping cunt.
     
    • Like Like x 2