How many [xxxx] does it take to change a lightbulb?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Muppett, Jul 23, 2003.

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  1. Ive heard some old, some new but these 2 made me laugh recently:

    'How many psychiatrists does I.T.T.C.A.LB?' - one [but the lightbulb has to really want to change].

    'How many Freudian psychiatrists does I.T.T.C.A.LB? - two [one to change the lightbulb, the other to hold the penis - sorry, ladder]

  2. How many folk singers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other to sing about how good the old one was.

    How many women squaddies does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other to tell her how much better she did it than a man.
  3. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

    The Goldfish
  4. What did the Zimbaweans use for lighting before candles?

    How many squaddies does it take to change a lightbulb?

    One to hold it and the rest of the Company to drink until the room starts spinning round! [​IMG]
  6. How many male chauvinist pigs does ITTCALB

    She can cook in the dark can't she?
  7. How many moslem fundamentalists DITTCALB

    Five - one to change the bulb and four to avenge the death of the old one.
  8. How many QARANC Officers does ITTCALB?

    Two. One to make the tea and the other to ring works services for an electrician.

    How many Iraqi Information Ministers does ITTCALB?

    'The lightbulb does not need changing! Never! Even as I speak, we are basking in the brilliant glow of the lamp which is powered by the generating station which has not been destroyed by the Americans, who are committing suicide at the gates of Bagdhad even now!'
  9. How many Divisional Staff Officers does it take to change a lightbulb.

    If it's in the HQ complex- the one that can be bothered to mention it to the siggies.

    If it's anywhere else One reports it to G3 who ponder on the possibility of brownie points if it's changed. After the COS bangs his head cos of the dark - G3 report it to SO2 G1/G4Ops who informs SO2 ES(Ops) who deny that it is anything to do with them and refer the matter to the Engrs. They confirm that the bulb needs changing and consult SO2 Log Ops re supplying 1x bulb and he consult SO3 Mat. SO3 Mat replies that they need permission from G3 O&D and CivSec and so SO2 Log Ops goes back to SO2 G1/G4Ops who draws up paperwork that then goes to SO2 Engr stating the requirement. From there the form goes to SO2 Log Ops to confirm that the replacement bulb is available (after he has asked SO3 Mat). Once signed the form goes to SO2 O&D who approves the necessity and passes it on to CivSec who puts it into his In Tray for a couple of days before signing it. He then sends it back to SO2 G1/G4 Ops who return it to the Sappers for action.
    Meanwhile COS bangs his head again grips the QM and some poor little siggie changes it in five seconds flat.

    I can't be bothered to count them myself, and if anyone things this is a joke - get a job in Div HQ for three months.
  10. How many nam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?
  11. How many anglican vicars does it take to change a light bulb..

    None, they dont like change
  12. How many black baggers out of Staff College does it take?
    One. He just stands there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
  13. Removed, already been done, sorry.
  14. How many Software programmers DITTCALB?

    None - its a hardwear fault


    How many Ruby players DITTCALB?

    16 - 1 to change the bulb and 15 to sing songs about how they Fcuked it

  15. How many government ministers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Nobody knows...................government ministers don't last as long as light bulbs. :D