You must be a male in order to perform the Abe Lincoln. One must be careful when performing the Abe Lincoln, as precision with both cock and hand as well as a good poker face are necessary to successfully pull it off. In order to perform the Abe Lincoln, you first convince your partner to shave your balls, or convince her to let you shave her hairy muff. While shaving, and after completion, you must be careful to conceal the fresh shavings in your hand. Next, you fuck her brains out as you please, covertly keeping the fresh pube clippings in your hand and keeping a straight face. When you are approaching orgasm, you must make sure to have the girl on her back. When the baby batter has been sufficiently mixed and is ready to come out, you cum around her jawline and mouth. Before she has a chance to say anything or wipe it off, you throw the fresh shavings onto her unsuspecting visage, creating an Abe Lincoln-esque scruffy beard. If you can jam a concealed top hat onto her head, all the better. This is recommended for first sexual encounters, sexual encounters at her workplace, or sexual encounters in any area where there is no nearby access to water so that the beard cannot be immediately cleaned from her face.
Alternate: Standing and partially squatted in a 69 position, the male wears a top hat eats out the chick (the female's bush is his beard) and proclaims "4 score and 7 years ago!" while taking a shit (freeing the slaves) at the same time.
Polish Toboggan Have your partner lay on her stomach at the edge of the top of a staircase, then sit on her, firmly putting your penis in her asshole, grab onto her arms, and then ride the bitch down the staircase.
Sack Attack Best done in public. Two guys go up to both sides of an unsuspecting person. Both un-zip their pants, pull out their testicles, and shout "SACK ATTACK!"
Sunglasses Ray Bans a.k.a. Arabian Sunglasses Put your nuts over her eye sockets while getting head. Your can is on her forehead. Yes, it may be anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try