How Many Notches on your Bed Post?/Tally-whacker tally.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Jumping Jack, Jan 28, 2013.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Less than Ten

    23 vote(s)
  2. About twenty

    27 vote(s)
  3. About thirty

    13 vote(s)
  4. About fourty

    12 vote(s)
  5. About fifty

    15 vote(s)
  6. About sixty

    3 vote(s)
  7. More than sixty

    19 vote(s)
  8. About a hundred

    13 vote(s)
  1. What is your tackle-whacker tally then? Do you think it should be more/less? Are you bothered by the figure? Men and women and all sexes in-between are welcome to reply.

    None of you know me. Or actually many of you do.
    I'm fortunate enough to have had a fairly interesting life so-far and that has included a fair bit of, as they say in romance novels and love poems...banging birds. No lads, sorry Jarrod. No sheep, sorry Tropper.

    As I head towards the end of my thirties I am thinking more of settling down. Linked to this I recently decided to pluck up the courage to take a blood test and got the old chap tested for warts and other nasties...and happily came away from it with a clean bill of health. =-)

    As the two weeks you have to wait for the results ticked by, over Christmas, I did mull over what my odds were of having something nasty. Instead of counting sheep one night I went through what I can recall of my 'encounters', plus more memorable relationships, and counted my shags. I got to 45 although I reckon I may have forgotten one or two. I'm not really bothered by the figure.

    This doesn't include Aussie DJing or getting my old chap blown. Its exclusively a sausage in honey figure.

    I was asked by the clinic Doctor how many partners I thought I'd had. I answered 'umm quite a few' and he suggested that about 20 was quite high. I said 'umm yes about that.' It'd be interesting to see what the average is on arrse. Like I say I'm not bothered by my figure either way I just thought it was quite an interesting subject and Naafi-worthy.

    What is your tackle-whacker tally then? Do you think it should be more/less? Are you bothered by the figure?
  2. To be clear,you do mean doing it with a lady don't you?
    • Like Like x 6
  3. Are you counting hewers?
    • Like Like x 1
  4. yeah with a proper, like, lady or a girl, or woman. or whatever you want to confess having put your willy into.

    hooors are include-able yes. i don't see why not.
  5. So I make it that you've seen off Mrs Palm and her five lovely daughters nine times?

  6. I know you are trying to insinuate something. If only I could properly read what you wrote. Damn these worn out eyes!
  7. RezzaDue

    RezzaDue Old-Salt Book Reviewer

    I always though it was Jill?
    Maybe im wrong

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using ARRSE mobile app
  8. Rather than how many you'd actually had?
  9. Their wording. Probably makes it easier to lie/tell the truth by not asking you a direct question. You get asked a massive amount of detailed questions in a clinic. Normally if a weedy asian bloke came and asked me if I'd ever had sex with animals I'd have chinned him for it. (I hadn't by the way. Well...stroking doesn't count apparently.)
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Shagged 18 lasses, about 13 of them fit, the others howlers.
    Then there are quite a few others where it came close but didn't happen too, missed some golden opportunities over the years! The ones where you look back & realise you shouldn't have fallen asleep at that party when you were well in there, or when your pissed mate wouldn't fuck off home & leave you to it despite clanging hints.
    • Like Like x 1
  11. It may help you to feel better about yourself that it is quite common practice in the RN and doesn't 'count' (its often done as an aid to promotion.)
  12. I put so many notches in the bed post that the bloody leg fell off.
  13. Do cousins count?
    • Like Like x 3
  14. @ Kromeriz. Good!
  15. Some of mine struggle to get past ten. Eleven is quite tricky in 'Prestonian.'