How Do You ............. Wipe your ARRSE?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Exploding_Blancmange, Sep 11, 2006.

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  1. Recently discussed with my male house mate, apparently he wipes sitting down (which I find kind of girly). Don't aske me how this became a topic of conversation, it just did.

    I take care of business whilst stood up, after admiring my handiwork.

    I once knew an Ex- Scaley who told me that whilst kitted up for NBC your oppo had to wipe for you, or is this just a tradtion in The Royal Signals?

    Anyway, I would like to find out if I am in the majority or minority.
    So who better to ask than the members of ARRSE.
     
  2. with bog roll.

    olden but golden.
     
  3. leaning over to one side... if i stand up my arrse hairs absorb all the shite. when im leaning to one side it opens up and allows me to buff my arrse to a bulled like shine with ease.

    anyone else look at the paper everytime? looking for buried treasure... maybe a rogue sweetcorn or hambuger bun seed that you may recognise from a previous meal??

    thank you for letting me share this with you all

    EWK
     
  4. ARRSE All time low thread topic surely? You need just one piece of toilet paper. Tear 1 penny piece size hole from middle, push finger through, wipe hoop internally with finger, slide finger out of paper wiping against bog roll. Now you should be left with a penny size dob of crap on the end of your finger. Wipe dob off with penny size peice of bog roll that you tore off earlier. 'Wallah'! Discard. I was taught this amazing hygiene trick by a dirty Portugese bloke about 20 years ago. I've never tried it....
     
  5. taught that method 20 years ago at JLRRE & to this day i have ........................................................................................ never used it :D :D :D :D
     
  6. For Fucks sake its not "Wallah" its fucking "Viola" you unskilled pillock :D
     
  7. Siting down from back to front and I check it.
     
  8. Not to be a Pedant......

    It's "Voila !" - Viola is an over-sized fiddle. :D
     
  9. I use my left hand and lick it clean
     
  10. One up, one down and one to polish :D
     
  11. While stuck stagging on the DS prior to a display in a German forest in the middle of winter, I was left with no option but to have a dump in the woods, as the previous night's beer & lasagna from the unit's Xmas do was forcing it's way through.

    Since it was only my second day at the unit, I didn't have anything with me to wipe with. I was forced to rip the lid off a cigarette packet & used that. After having my ring piece scratched by the cardboard, I looked at the lid & there was a bit of tomato from the lasgna on it. :D
     
  12. Oh fuckit :oops:
     
  13. Ahh yes, 'viola', the special tablet to give one a sexual boost so I believe.
     
  14. to be even more pedantic, it's voilà !
     
  15. Always fold. If you're short of paper, you can re-fold and get extra wipes. Scrunching is a waste and the wad can slip to one side.