How Do You ............. Wipe your ARRSE?

#1
Recently discussed with my male house mate, apparently he wipes sitting down (which I find kind of girly). Don't aske me how this became a topic of conversation, it just did.

I take care of business whilst stood up, after admiring my handiwork.

I once knew an Ex- Scaley who told me that whilst kitted up for NBC your oppo had to wipe for you, or is this just a tradtion in The Royal Signals?

Anyway, I would like to find out if I am in the majority or minority.
So who better to ask than the members of ARRSE.
 
#2
with bog roll.

olden but golden.
 
#3
leaning over to one side... if i stand up my arrse hairs absorb all the shite. when im leaning to one side it opens up and allows me to buff my arrse to a bulled like shine with ease.

anyone else look at the paper everytime? looking for buried treasure... maybe a rogue sweetcorn or hambuger bun seed that you may recognise from a previous meal??

thank you for letting me share this with you all

EWK
 
#4
ARRSE All time low thread topic surely? You need just one piece of toilet paper. Tear 1 penny piece size hole from middle, push finger through, wipe hoop internally with finger, slide finger out of paper wiping against bog roll. Now you should be left with a penny size dob of crap on the end of your finger. Wipe dob off with penny size peice of bog roll that you tore off earlier. 'Wallah'! Discard. I was taught this amazing hygiene trick by a dirty Portugese bloke about 20 years ago. I've never tried it....
 
#5
doomandgloom said:
ARRSE All time low thread topic surely? You need just one piece of toilet paper. Tear 1 penny piece size hole from middle, push finger through, wipe hoop internally with finger, slide finger out of paper wiping against bog roll. Now you should be left with a penny size dob of crap on the end of your finger. Wipe dob off with penny size peice of bog roll that you tore off earlier. 'Wallah'! Discard. I was taught this amazing hygiene trick by a dirty Portugese bloke about 20 years ago. I've never tried it....
taught that method 20 years ago at JLRRE & to this day i have ........................................................................................ never used it :D :D :D :D
 
#11
While stuck stagging on the DS prior to a display in a German forest in the middle of winter, I was left with no option but to have a dump in the woods, as the previous night's beer & lasagna from the unit's Xmas do was forcing it's way through.

Since it was only my second day at the unit, I didn't have anything with me to wipe with. I was forced to rip the lid off a cigarette packet & used that. After having my ring piece scratched by the cardboard, I looked at the lid & there was a bit of tomato from the lasgna on it. :D
 
#15
Always fold. If you're short of paper, you can re-fold and get extra wipes. Scrunching is a waste and the wad can slip to one side.
 
#17
In my Nan's house she used to have this non absorbant tracing paper type bog roll. All it did was push the residue poo around your hoop area. Slip about so it would. After about 20 wipes you'd get there in the end if you could be bothered.
 
#18
doomandgloom said:
In my Nan's house she used to have this non absorbant tracing paper type bog roll. All it did was push the residue poo around your hoop area. Slip about so it would. After about 20 wipes you'd get there in the end if you could be bothered.
Military bog paper was the same but was printed "HM Government" or similar. Although useless and painful, it was a pleasure to use.
 
#20
putteesinmyhands said:
doomandgloom said:
In my Nan's house she used to have this non absorbant tracing paper type bog roll. All it did was push the residue poo around your hoop area. Slip about so it would. After about 20 wipes you'd get there in the end if you could be bothered.
Military bog paper was the same but was printed "HM Government" or similar. Although useless and painful, it was a pleasure to use.
Fun? A bit like greasing a baking tray before making some cup cakes do you mean?
 
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