How do you turn down a prostitute?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by crabby, Apr 8, 2007.

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  1. Recently I was on my way home from a boozing session when from nowhere a lady of the night offered me her services. I, naturally, was slightly shocked and not expecting such an offer; as most women wouldn't touch me for love nor money.
    Anyway, as I was on my way home to the missus and the prostitutes in the area have a reputation for HIV and other nasties, and I'm a cheapskate, I wanted to turn down her rather flattering offer.
    How do you turn down a prostitute? I ended up "Thank you but no thank you. Have a nice evening". Should I have been that polite? Should I have taken her for a cup of tea and talk about her life choices? Should I have done the deed and run off without paying?
    If this happens again what should I do?
  2. Do you live in Suffolk?
  3. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    I presume that, as you are asking about what to do the next time, and that you have not said how you extracted yourself from the situation, you actually accepted her kind offer and rammed one up her?

    I may be wrong of course but...................... :twisted:
  4. I'd listen to AY...he knows his hookers.
  5. A quick lick from "The Golden Hammer" across the side of the head normally suffices. Add a couple of dozen thrusts from a cross head screwdriver and you're onto a winner.

    I find leaving their panties hanging on one ankle and spreading their legs until their hips crack, as the final debasement / humiliation a particular novelty and indeed a must as it's the only way I can achieve ejaculation.
  6. Why not just give your wife £5 when you get home?
  7. Tell her your hero is Peter Sutcliffe.
  8. retort with one of the following

    'No thanks I've just bolted in the bottom of yoru recently strangled friend'


    Approach her and wallop her with a Sutcliffe stick. A ball pein across the bonce generally silences whores, long enough for you to rob them and depostit DNA in them........ I like to finish them off by hitting them twice more, once oin the face and once on the mouth with my delicious two pound weapon of choice.

  9. She'll price herself out of the market like that.
  10. eh ? you turned down a tart, why ? are you a poof ? don't you like Ladies ? :D
  11. Well... Norfolk... I was offered her services in a bad area of the fine city of Norwich.

    I extracted myself from the situation with the "Thanks but no thanks". The only thing I'd have rammed anywhere probably wouldn't have caused sexual gratification (having said that even ramming my penis in the right hole rarely causes sexual gratification on her part)
  12. "Go home mum" generally works.
  13. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Not me mate. It is the 5 fingered widow and a few very old memories :cry:
  14. Nehustan

    Nehustan On ROPs

    I think the question should be 'How do you turn down a woman' generally. I'm wondering if we can genetically engineer a volume nob on say the left had side of the head...

  15. A punch in the kidneys doubles them up a treat.