How do you tell your woman she's fat ?

#1
There comes a time when the missus gets a bit porky and when she climbs on top in order to "ride you like a Blackpool Donkey" you fight for breath.....so just how do you break it to your loved one that she's become "a bit broad in the beam"
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#2
"Oi love, you've turned into a bit of a chubster recently haven't you?"

"About time you went on a diet you mammoth."

"No offence darlin', but get the fuck off, you're crushing me."

"Were you always this fat but I've been too pissed to notice?"


The possibilities are endless...
 
#3
There comes a time when the missus gets a bit porky and when she climbs on top in order to "ride you like a Blackpool Donkey" you fight for breath.....so just how do you break it to your loved one that she's become "a bit broad in the beam"
Send her a fuller figure link & hope she gets the message.

In return she'll reply by sending you a text stating your too small to satisfy

This the Naafi after all ;-)
 

Mr_Fingerz

LE
Book Reviewer
#5
Yes your bum does look big in that.

Get off you biffa I'd like my spine to work in the morning.

Yes I'm sure that you're only a size 8 but ......
 

Drivers_lag

On ROPS
On ROPs
#6
"Oi love, you've turned into a bit of a chubster recently haven't you?"

"About time you went on a diet you mammoth."

"No offence darlin', but get the fuck off, you're crushing me."

"Were you always this fat but I've been too pissed to notice?"


The possibilities are endless...
I'm intrigued how that all works in your relationship, I must say...
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#8
Next time she sits on your face ask her to turn teh radio up as you can't hear it
 

TheresaMay

ADC
Moderator
DirtyBAT
#9
I imagine you break it to her the same way she breaks it to you that your a boring prick that spends all his time attention whoring on ARRSE.
 

Mr_Fingerz

LE
Book Reviewer
#12
I imagine you break it to her the same way she breaks it to you that your a boring prick that spends all his time attention whoring on ARRSE.

I'm sure that Sam likes you all the same.
 

Drivers_lag

On ROPS
On ROPs
#13
My bezzer in t'mob was a Geordie with typical Jimmy Nail (is that his real name, by the way?) type diplomacy and tact.

He approached this delicate subject in typical Geordie fashion.

'Bwa Ha Ha,' he boomed before all, poking his mrs in the stomach...' Ah hev just nooticed that ya belly noo sticks oot faatha than ya tits!!!'

He did marry her.... I'm not sure what that says about who, but it's the truth.
 

Grumblegrunt

LE
Book Reviewer
#14
buy her a nice dress that's the size she last told you she was. when it doesn't fit she wont talk to you for a few weeks.

'but you said you were a 14, if you wanted a size 22 you should have said so. I can take it back.'
 
#15
Can't say it's ever been an issue and to judge by the female in-laws isn't likely to be.

Serves you right for marrying a heifer.
 
#17
so just how do you break it to your loved one that she's become "a bit broad in the beam"
I don't as she is not.

If i ever were to advise my wife of a 'increase in the size of her derriere', i would do so from a distance, having previously removed all my possessions from our home, as i would not be returning, that is not cowardice, i just call it a tactical withdrawl or to use 21st century phrase 'elf n safety....mine
 

TheIronDuke

On ROPS
On ROPs
Book Reviewer
#18
My bezzer in t'mob was a Geordie with typical Jimmy Nail (is that his real name, by the way?)
No. It is James Michael Aloysius Bradford but being born in Longbenton that is a slight disadvantage. Although he is a shite singer and a pure embarrassment to Geordies the world over he was a bit handy. When he was in the King Crabs his old Mum dropped a cup of tea and fainted when she woke him up one Saturday morning and he came up off the bed with a red pillow stuck to the back of his head with claret. A misunderstanding down the Rocket. Or it might have been the Viking. I forget.

Back on topic - no comment. I am in love with BigBird and we shall marry as soon as the fucking bloater gets a proper job.
 

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