How do you tell your woman she's fat ?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by JoeyDeacon, Feb 21, 2013.

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  1. There comes a time when the missus gets a bit porky and when she climbs on top in order to "ride you like a Blackpool Donkey" you fight for breath.....so just how do you break it to your loved one that she's become "a bit broad in the beam"
     
  2. "Oi love, you've turned into a bit of a chubster recently haven't you?"

    "About time you went on a diet you mammoth."

    "No offence darlin', but get the fuck off, you're crushing me."

    "Were you always this fat but I've been too pissed to notice?"


    The possibilities are endless...
     
    • Like Like x 6
  3. Send her a fuller figure link & hope she gets the message.

    In return she'll reply by sending you a text stating your too small to satisfy

    This the Naafi after all ;-)
     

  4. "No offence darlin', but get the fuck off, you're crushing me." - you are so right ! fat bitches
     
  5. Mr_Fingerz

    Mr_Fingerz LE Book Reviewer

    Yes your bum does look big in that.

    Get off you biffa I'd like my spine to work in the morning.

    Yes I'm sure that you're only a size 8 but ......
     
  6. I'm intrigued how that all works in your relationship, I must say...
     
  7. Bin her and get a better model, no need for any explanation or excuse. You are a man, women need to know their place.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  8. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Next time she sits on your face ask her to turn teh radio up as you can't hear it
     
    • Like Like x 2
  9. TheresaMay

    TheresaMay LE Moderator DirtyBAT

    I imagine you break it to her the same way she breaks it to you that your a boring prick that spends all his time attention whoring on ARRSE.
     
    • Like Like x 5
  10. "Oi missus"......"Yeah"?...."You're fat "

    No charge.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. She's slim and sexy.... :hug:
     
  12. Mr_Fingerz

    Mr_Fingerz LE Book Reviewer


    I'm sure that Sam likes you all the same.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  13. My bezzer in t'mob was a Geordie with typical Jimmy Nail (is that his real name, by the way?) type diplomacy and tact.

    He approached this delicate subject in typical Geordie fashion.

    'Bwa Ha Ha,' he boomed before all, poking his mrs in the stomach...' Ah hev just nooticed that ya belly noo sticks oot faatha than ya tits!!!'

    He did marry her.... I'm not sure what that says about who, but it's the truth.
     
  14. Grumblegrunt

    Grumblegrunt LE Book Reviewer

    buy her a nice dress that's the size she last told you she was. when it doesn't fit she wont talk to you for a few weeks.

    'but you said you were a 14, if you wanted a size 22 you should have said so. I can take it back.'
     
  15. Can't say it's ever been an issue and to judge by the female in-laws isn't likely to be.

    Serves you right for marrying a heifer.
     
    • Like Like x 1