How do you raise a son?

It's not about having a say.

It's about clearing up the mess after the ********'s been through the woodchipper...

I hope for their sake they measure up....

This whole exchange has reminded me of a chap at University who was apparently offered a car by a girlfriends Father to stop seeing her.
 

Themanwho

LE
Book Reviewer
I hope for their sake they measure up....

This whole exchange has reminded me of a chap at University who was apparently offered a car by a girlfriends Father to stop seeing her.
Ah, a somewhat novel approach - I was thinking more of the more traditional offering of a shallow grave if an unwanted suitor declined to stop badgering her...
 
My daughter is a bit of a modern mum........ when he was 5 she bought him a plastic tool-kit which he wasn't interested in, but I sorted out a toolkit, nothing too deadly, but all real, and a small electric screwdriver....... lots of bits of wood, screws, nails, loved it.

Then he had a gun thing, had to make his own, out of meccano...... so I bought a rifle so we can plink cans when he comes up.

He's been in the Beavers for a year, saw him for the first time in 18 months, gave him a swiss army knife with about 20 tools on it...... he's never let it out of his sight since, thrilled to bits.

Within reason, you have to expose your kids to danger.......
 

45x45

On ROPS
On ROPs
I'm not really sure which forum to post this in so mods feel free to shift it if required (not NAAFI though please!)

I'm having a bit of trouble with my 7 year-old boy, nothing dramatic but I'm not too sure how to nip things in the bud, so to speak, before they develop in a way I'm not comfortable with and I'm looking for ideas on how to do this. I'm not the best parent in the world and I know a lot of the people here are a few years further up the ladder than I am and are going to have been through this kind of thing already so would appreciate your ideas and experience.

Basically, to be entirely blunt and I know I should phrase this differently to avoid a mumsnet-type response but let's call it what it is, he's turning into an entitled, arrogant little sh*t and I don't know why. Now these things are generally obvious to an outsider and hard to see by the parent, but I can't for the life of me figure out what we're doing wrong. We don't have a lot of cash, we don't shower him with treats or indulge his every whim, we don't treat him like a golden boy who's better than everyone else, but if he doesn't get his own way or what he wants when he wants it he sulks and throws tantrums and has recently taken to hitting and kicking his mother (which I absolutely will not and did not tolerate when I heard about it - the hammer dropped on that one). Now he isn't a *bad* kid, he's very confident, assertive and social and is popular with his peers (he's been voted class representative by his schoolmates and his teacher pairs him up with new kids in the class to show them the ropes) but this tendency is getting worse. I made him write a letter of apology to one of his mates' parents last week because he behaved badly while he was there and today, whilst shopping with my wife, he threw himself to the floor and started yelling because she wouldn't buy him some bit of plastic tat that he'd taken a shine to. It's just getting worse and I'm at a loss for how to deal with it.

Now he doesn't do it with me because I can be firm with him when needed and will, upon very rare occasion, give him a hard smack on the backside if things cross the line too far - so he knows what consequences await if things escalate and he doesn't calm down or cool off. I don't enjoy it, mainly as my father was a yeller and a smacker and it did not do our relationship any good at all and I don't want to same thing with my boy, but I do think the knowledge that it's a possibility helps focus his mind and rein him in. I also talk to him about it and explain why people behave in certain ways and what is good and what is bad and how the way behave colours people's perceptions of us and the way they treat us. I also try and make a point of setting time aside each week for some father/son time and take him out somewhere so we can build a decent relationship. And this is probably deeply unfashionable, but I'm also trying to instill in him a sense of continuity with the generations of men in our family who came before us, and discuss how things are not how men in our family do things and the expectations that they would have of him and his behaviour and how they way he conducts himself represents all of us. But although he understands this on a rational level once the desire for instant gratification kicks in his emotions take over and it's just bloody awful. I don't know if this is a phase he's going through and all 7 year-old boys are like that or if it's crap parenting on our part, and if the latter then where the failure is and how to amend it. My parental toolbox is fairly empty, I tend to go from let the wife deal with it to talk to him about it to yell at him (which might make me feel less frustrated but I doubt it helps the issue) so would appreciate any suggestions/shared experiences from you lot who have. One thing this website has is a wealth of experience from a huge amount of angles so hopefully something helpful will come up.

Cheers.
I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. Things have changed, you want the best for him, sometimes that overruns into a tantrum-throwing brat. My youngest used to sulk/scream terrible, then he hit 11 and completely changed. One small point. My father used to batter me, I have never forgiven him and at 17 slammed his head into a telephone box. I made a point of never hitting any of my 4. my wife taught me inflicting pain as a way of punishment just brings about more anger, the fact you posted this comment says you are looking for justification, besides you don't want to be in front of social services because some righteous Mum at the school gates has heard you are a child beater, when it's obvious you are a good Dad. Top tip. Next time he throws a wobblier walk off laughing and hiding around the corner. No one will judge you for a screaming kid.. it happens and good luck.
P.S Don't ever throw an epic fit and cut all the plugs off in the bedrooms as punishment for lying and bunking off. Takes an eternity to put them back on.
 

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