How do you raise a son?

Mr_Baiter

War Hero
Nope. He got clipped and he's never did it since.

My Son realised he went way out of line, he got disciplined for his actions and now realises where the boundary is.

I never took any great pleasure in giving him a slap.. it's not like I'm a fcking sadistic bastard.
But you still imposed your willnusing violence. Its an utterly stupid and pointless way to discipline any one. You actually said (paraphrased) that you brayed the living **** out of him - while hitting any child for any reason is abusive and cowardly, beating them up as you claimed to have done is mentally and physically abusive, illegal and says so much more about the perpetrator than the victim.

You are a cnut if you hit children - for any reason - no argument - period.

Do you give the Mrs a backhanded 'clip' if she backchats you? ******* bully.
 
I blattered the fcuk out of him = a clip round the ear? Mmmmmm....

If you really did that, on a dark day in the future, you will regret it. Unless you are a Neanderthal Psychopath.

A 'clip round the ear' has harmed you. It has made you into someone who would use the words I blattered the fcuk out of him (whether you actually did or didn't) to describe the way you discipline your child on an open forum, because you think that's acceptable.

That's pretty fark dup.

There's still time treat your other children differently. Otherwise you risk becoming one of those elderly folk one reads about who have lain dead in their sink estate flat for 6 weeks until the Jehovah's Witnesses notice the smell.
 

Mr_Baiter

War Hero
Nope. He got clipped and he's never did it since.

My Son realised he went way out of line, he got disciplined for his actions and now realises where the boundary is.

I never took any great pleasure in giving him a slap.. it's not like I'm a fcking sadistic bastard.
Maybe not sadistic (although I contend you are since you boasted about the level of violence on this very thread) but you most certainly are a criminal: Children Act 2004

This also applies to giving him a clip for challenging your authority (read "pathetic ego") just as much as "blattering the ****" out of him; an autistic boy.

Do you tell him it hurts you more than it hurts him?

I expect he will feel a slight sense of release when you eventually die.

Thats how I felt when my abuser died.
 
Maybe not sadistic (although I contend you are since you boasted about the level of violence on this very thread) but you most certainly are a criminal: Children Act 2004

This also applies to giving him a clip for challenging your authority (read "pathetic ego") just as much as "blattering the ****" out of him; an autistic boy.

Do you tell him it hurts you more than it hurts him?

I expect he will feel a slight sense of release when you eventually die.

Thats how I felt when my abuser died.
You still banging on for fcuk sake.
 

Mr_Baiter

War Hero
You still banging on for fcuk sake.
Yes - still banging on.

You are a child abuser. The damage you are inflicting, whether intended or not, is:

A) criminal
B) morally indefensible
C) creating/perpetuating a cycle of violence.

When your abused and autistic son "blatters the fcuk" out of someone for stepping out of line or challenging his authority will you be proud or ashamed?

I would hope the latter, but looking at your username and posting in this thread I suspect you will conclude that it "never did him any harm"

You genuinely do not deserve to be a father.
 
Yes - still banging on.

You are a child abuser. The damage you are inflicting, whether intended or not, is:

A) criminal
B) morally indefensible
C) creating/perpetuating a cycle of violence.

When your abused and autistic son "blatters the fcuk" out of someone for stepping out of line or challenging his authority will you be proud or ashamed?

I would hope the latter, but looking at your username and posting in this thread I suspect you will conclude that it "never did him any harm"

You genuinely do not deserve to be a father.
Here's 50p.. go phone some cnut that gives a fcuk what you think.
 

Themanwho

LE
Book Reviewer
As someone who very occasionally smacked my children in their formative years*, I suggest much of what @Mr Baiter is posting is due to:
  1. @mister baiter having no kids and therefore living in some magical fairyland where all the little kiddies are angels and not the manipulative little psychopaths they actually are in real life until it's trained out of them, or
  2. @mister baiter being a trolling wind-up merchant, who's latched onto something where he thinks he can claim the moral high ground by making out @British_And_Proud to be the next Fred West, as opposed to someone who's probably overstated his case a little.
Of course I could be wrong and @British_And_Proud is a feral, amoeba-brained knuckle dragger who believes anything less than a baseball bat to the swede is too soft for kids these days, whilst @Mr Baiter is the proud father of half a dozen cherubs now working their way through medical school, but I doubt it...




*I only smacked my kids for the most serious of misbehaviour (eg: shooting arrows at his younger sister, the murderous little eight year old bugger), doing something foolishly dangerous, or something they had already been told off for. I never smacked them in anger, and the rarity of corporal punishment increased its effect. I never enjoyed smacking my kids; I found collective punishment worked well enough in general, and it was also far more fun for me. I shall take the wails of "But it's not FAIR! I didn't do anything Dad!" to my grave as a cherished parenting memory...
 
I'm not really sure which forum to post this in so mods feel free to shift it if required (not NAAFI though please!)

I'm having a bit of trouble with my 7 year-old boy, nothing dramatic but I'm not too sure how to nip things in the bud, so to speak, before they develop in a way I'm not comfortable with and I'm looking for ideas on how to do this. I'm not the best parent in the world and I know a lot of the people here are a few years further up the ladder than I am and are going to have been through this kind of thing already so would appreciate your ideas and experience.

Basically, to be entirely blunt and I know I should phrase this differently to avoid a mumsnet-type response but let's call it what it is, he's turning into an entitled, arrogant little sh*t and I don't know why. Now these things are generally obvious to an outsider and hard to see by the parent, but I can't for the life of me figure out what we're doing wrong. We don't have a lot of cash, we don't shower him with treats or indulge his every whim, we don't treat him like a golden boy who's better than everyone else, but if he doesn't get his own way or what he wants when he wants it he sulks and throws tantrums and has recently taken to hitting and kicking his mother (which I absolutely will not and did not tolerate when I heard about it - the hammer dropped on that one). Now he isn't a *bad* kid, he's very confident, assertive and social and is popular with his peers (he's been voted class representative by his schoolmates and his teacher pairs him up with new kids in the class to show them the ropes) but this tendency is getting worse. I made him write a letter of apology to one of his mates' parents last week because he behaved badly while he was there and today, whilst shopping with my wife, he threw himself to the floor and started yelling because she wouldn't buy him some bit of plastic tat that he'd taken a shine to. It's just getting worse and I'm at a loss for how to deal with it.

Now he doesn't do it with me because I can be firm with him when needed and will, upon very rare occasion, give him a hard smack on the backside if things cross the line too far - so he knows what consequences await if things escalate and he doesn't calm down or cool off. I don't enjoy it, mainly as my father was a yeller and a smacker and it did not do our relationship any good at all and I don't want to same thing with my boy, but I do think the knowledge that it's a possibility helps focus his mind and rein him in. I also talk to him about it and explain why people behave in certain ways and what is good and what is bad and how the way behave colours people's perceptions of us and the way they treat us. I also try and make a point of setting time aside each week for some father/son time and take him out somewhere so we can build a decent relationship. And this is probably deeply unfashionable, but I'm also trying to instill in him a sense of continuity with the generations of men in our family who came before us, and discuss how things are not how men in our family do things and the expectations that they would have of him and his behaviour and how they way he conducts himself represents all of us. But although he understands this on a rational level once the desire for instant gratification kicks in his emotions take over and it's just bloody awful. I don't know if this is a phase he's going through and all 7 year-old boys are like that or if it's crap parenting on our part, and if the latter then where the failure is and how to amend it. My parental toolbox is fairly empty, I tend to go from let the wife deal with it to talk to him about it to yell at him (which might make me feel less frustrated but I doubt it helps the issue) so would appreciate any suggestions/shared experiences from you lot who have. One thing this website has is a wealth of experience from a huge amount of angles so hopefully something helpful will come up.

Cheers.

just a thought for consideration mate - my 10 year old nephew underperformed in school, was a weak wimpy lacklustre type kid with very poor co-ordination and generally turning out to be a waste of space .

HOWEVER, 2 months ago he was diagnosed as being Gluten intolerant and since his diet changed, has put on a stone in weight, is full of beans and his improvement in school is incredible! In short he is now a 'typical' young boisterous lad who I desperately hope will catch up all the lost years where noone noticed his medical issue.

Do not discount medical or dietary factors that could possibly contribute to his changing behaviour eg is he eating ok, do the outbursts occur after particular foods, is he shitting ok, injury prone, struggling physically or mentally, struggling to take on board school work etc

Aside from that, I agree with one of the earlier posters, is he physically active and getting tired enough to sleep properly and are you and his mum doing some active stuff with him?
 
Boys don't know they've been told off until they piss themselves.
Call me a lilly livered liberal, but I think anything more than 30-40 hard punches in the face is getting close to child abuse.

At that point, switching to waterboarding or something that doesn't leave marks is much kinder.

Will make sure they don't scratch the paintwork on the car when applying the second coat of wax, the little bastard. Should know better when they reach 7 years old...
 
Some good posts and great advice.

I grew up at a time corporal punishment was considered a legitimate way of establishing boundaries, both at home and at school.

As applied to me by my father, it was never in anger, it was accompanied by a reasonable/logical explanation, once it was completed the slate was clean and he always had some joint project to do after it. It was on the backside, and I only remember it being when I was young. I loved respected and accepted his judgement.

At the schools it was for a reason and again on the backside. I may have been fortunate in both its application and circumstances it happened, but can look back on it and and feel that it was reasonable, not excessive, and established boundaries I knew I had transgressed.

I have two sons and feeling that my father’s behaviour towards me had been firm fair and loving, applied that as best I could to them. I have been extremely fortunate and neither gave me too much apprehension growing up. There were a few episodes of punishment but very few.

I felt that firm but fair control was essential in the early years, because by the time they get into their teens behaviour patterns are beginning to set and they are increasingly independent.

I was also fortunate that my wife and I were of like minds and made a point of being a united front with regard to household discipline, and make no mistake discipline, rules, behaviour and boundaries are vital elements of life within society, and children are programmed to explore the boundaries of their world, which change as they grow, it dangers, and how best to survive in it.

I had what I feel was a good example in my childhood, applied it to parenthood and it seems to have been successful. I have two sons I am extremely proud of and feel that their efforts at being fathers are producing some pretty reasonable results.

As ye sow, so shall ye reap always seemed pretty appropriate.
 
As someone who very occasionally smacked my children in their formative years*, I suggest much of what @Mr Baiter is posting is due to:
  1. @mister baiter having no kids and therefore living in some magical fairyland where all the little kiddies are angels and not the manipulative little psychopaths they actually are in real life until it's trained out of them, or
  2. @mister baiter being a trolling wind-up merchant, who's latched onto something where he thinks he can claim the moral high ground by making out @British_And_Proud to be the next Fred West, as opposed to someone who's probably overstated his case a little.
Of course I could be wrong and @British_And_Proud is a feral, amoeba-brained knuckle dragger who believes anything less than a baseball bat to the swede is too soft for kids these days, whilst @Mr Baiter is the proud father of half a dozen cherubs now working their way through medical school, but I doubt it...




*I only smacked my kids for the most serious of misbehaviour (eg: shooting arrows at his younger sister, the murderous little eight year old bugger), doing something foolishly dangerous, or something they had already been told off for. I never smacked them in anger, and the rarity of corporal punishment increased its effect. I never enjoyed smacking my kids; I found collective punishment worked well enough in general, and it was also far more fun for me. I shall take the wails of "But it's not FAIR! I didn't do anything Dad!" to my grave as a cherished parenting memory...

My eldest (10) has anger issues and used to lash out. He soon learned that if he hit me or his mum he would be hit back (not hard, just a tap). He quickly learned not to hit when angry.

Now we just have shouting matches, sulk for a bit, then apologise to each other for being idiots. We are both working on our anger issues and making progress.

Raising kids is tough for both the kid and parent.
 

Nornironman

Old-Salt
I got a thumping when I was a kid, caned at school by a sick Headmaster. You know I resent it to this day.

I will not hit my kids. It's a terrible example. It's also borderline illegal in most cases. But ultimately there is no proof at all it works. Kids become aggressive themselves, and the cycle continues. Most parents seem to hit their kids as they have no bloody self control and are angry at themselves. I've a 22 year old, an 18 year old and a 7 year old. They're all different. The middle one drove me to distraction, but you don't bloody hit them. I love my kids to pieces despite the grief they cause, why would anyone want to thump kids these days knowing what we do? Answer because they're either thick or a pr*ck.
 
Times change as do social practices. Condemnation of behaviour in past times is generally time wasted as social practices would seem to have been on a trend of continual improvement as lessons are learned.

Those who do not learn are condemned to repeat. Most of us may well have remembered behaviours from our parents that we later felt inappropriate, and allowed us to modify how we behave towards our children...and how society progresses.

Doesn’t always go smoothly, as we see around us on a daily basis, but for the most part the effort we put in is reflected by what we get out.
 
As someone who very occasionally smacked my children in their formative years*, I suggest much of what @Mr Baiter is posting is due to:
  1. @mister baiter having no kids and therefore living in some magical fairyland where all the little kiddies are angels and not the manipulative little psychopaths they actually are in real life until it's trained out of them, or
  2. @mister baiter being a trolling wind-up merchant, who's latched onto something where he thinks he can claim the moral high ground by making out @British_And_Proud to be the next Fred West, as opposed to someone who's probably overstated his case a little.
Of course I could be wrong and @British_And_Proud is a feral, amoeba-brained knuckle dragger who believes anything less than a baseball bat to the swede is too soft for kids these days, whilst @Mr Baiter is the proud father of half a dozen cherubs now working their way through medical school, but I doubt it...




*I only smacked my kids for the most serious of misbehaviour (eg: shooting arrows at his younger sister, the murderous little eight year old bugger), doing something foolishly dangerous, or something they had already been told off for. I never smacked them in anger, and the rarity of corporal punishment increased its effect. I never enjoyed smacking my kids; I found collective punishment worked well enough in general, and it was also far more fun for me. I shall take the wails of "But it's not FAIR! I didn't do anything Dad!" to my grave as a cherished parenting memory...
Tonight Matthew I'm going to be Fred West.
 

Themanwho

LE
Book Reviewer

Themanwho

LE
Book Reviewer
Nobody ever said parenting was easy or that there was a how to do it book in the library.
Dr Spock would disagree to your last point. The pointy - eared twat.
 
Dr Spock would disagree to your last point. The pointy - eared twat.
Dr Benjamin Spock, the roundy eared guy, on the other hand did write a book which was acknowledged by many as being a pretty handy go to manual for new parents on how to look after and operate children.

Dr. Spock's Baby & Child Care, was published in 1946 by Duell, Sloan & Pearce as The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care. The book sold more than 50 million copies in 42 languages.

Some felt it was unduly permissive however since there were not many others it became very popular.
 

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