How Do Really Fat Fukcers Fukc?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Oracle, Jul 10, 2005.

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  1. In an attempt to get the NAAFI back on track after the 'What is love sh1te' over the last 2 days, I thought I would pose this tricky little question.

    Is this a random thought I hear you ask? Well, no. It came from the lips of my dearest wife of over 20 years. Well, she really didn't put it like that, I doubt the word 'fukc' has ever passed her lips being the kind, genteel woman she is, but we were walking through the town centre yesterday when we were passed by by two individuals, (a couple we presumed) who can ony be descibed as gigantamungous. A few steps further on, she asked me the question - (what she actually said was, "I wonder how people of those proportions make love) - a random qustion I thought, but as it turns out she did have the subject of sex on her mind, but that's another story. This got me thinking as neither me nor Mrs O has ever 'done it' with a fatty. I'm not talking about your your everyday NAAFI plumpen slapper, but, someone who raids pasty shops as a hobby, someone who blames 'their glands' for their 'weight problem', someone who weighs twice as much as they should.

    So come on, there must be some real fatties on ARRSE who hide behind the anonymity of the keyboard. Come on, do tell, how on earth do you do it? I am also sure that there are one or two 'normal users' who have no taste whatsover and have done some real fatsos. So do tell - Mrs O wants to know.
     
  2. Easy you roll the fat lass in flower to find a wet spot then try and get your C ock as near to it as possible. Unless you pack a Dirk Diggler sized weapon you merely place the old fellow between two folds of fat and bang away like a belt fed wombat until your done.
     
  3. So you are a real fatty then. come on answer the question.
     
  4. Sixty

    Sixty LE Moderator Book Reviewer
    1. ARRSE Cyclists and Triathletes


    Blimey.

    Doing anything tonight?
     
  5. Having no standards myself have fcuked a couple of porkers. The job itself isnt to disimilar to the way normal people "make love". The scary part is when your trying to convince her to go twos up with your roasting associate, she flips out and your left with the very real prospect of having the living fcuk beaten out of you by a bird twice your size! I made a quick exit out of the first floor window strolled round to the front of the house in the buff where my mate had retreived my clothes.
    The real question is has anyone let one of these hippos get on top? Or worse done one up the wrong 'un? Thats courage!
     
  6. That's a really NICE thing to say after 20 years O :lol:

    And that's lovely too :twisted:


    As for your question, found with my ex when she started to "plump up" a little that the best way was to tie her ankles behind her neck with bailer twine (razorwire also works but is harder to tie knots in), roll her onto her back or front as the mood took me, and more or less follow GG's suggestions from the "damp patch" onwards.

    Still not quite sure why she left :p
     
  7. With due respect, you are speaking about people who are not the age who you think they should be......

    LS FFS - get to grips with the context of the NAAFI, this context is about huge fcukin' do-nut munchers who are at least THREE times the weight they should be....

    For a blubber couple to get pregnant, I guess fat lad jizzes over lardy-lasses butt and lets the flies do the rest... :lol:

    (note to self: p!ssed by 1600 hours - fcuck!!)
     
  8. Thanks Tiffy - you beat me to it...
     
  9. Note to Tiffy - 1600hrs? Good skills mate :D

    But surely suggesting that flies would be involved really IS derogatory?
    After all, not ALL flies are like that!
     
  10. As ever LJH manages to impress me with his line of thought!
     
  11. Sixty

    Sixty LE Moderator Book Reviewer
    1. ARRSE Cyclists and Triathletes


    I've been hammered since 12. What took you, fella?



    Edited for clarity: Pissed since 12:00 pm Not since I was 12. Oh, I'm 31 so aforementioned hangover is going to be brutal.

    :)
     
  12. And you're what? 28 now? Freakin hell Sixty, that's gonna be one HELL of a hangover! ;)

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    Edited for Egg's comments below..... never heard of turkey basters? :twisted:
     
  13. Fat couples fecking, why don't you ask MDN. Flash tells me that MDN is at least 23 stone and his missus is not far behind him.

    Or you could try BBC she likes a pie or four, and has off spring I understand so unless she is the next virgin mary she must have at some stage jumped some poor feckers bones.
     
  14. There was a recent episode of CSI that dealt with this issue.. at a Fatties convention [ er..Plus Size Elite Convention ] a body was found in a hotel bed [ normal size bloke ] suffocated and covered in sweat [ not his ]...seems he should have dodged instead of weaved...
    NEVER let 'em get on top...

    I would propose that the man adopt a rocking motion using the resiliant texture of the partner's abdominal region to effect a tolerable, if sporadic, exit/entry motion timing the wave action to reach climax at maximum insrtion...

    failing that,, just lather up, get back by the closet and take a running jump zeroing in on the appropriate orifice..only got one shoty at though so precision is everthing. as rebound into furniture can be hazardous...might be best to try darts and archery to hone aiming skills before hand...
     
  15. Okay... so we can kinda guess that shagging fatty ladies is doable (in a manner of speaking), but how do mega fat men shag?... Can they even find their willies... Do they still have them, or would it have shrivelled up and dropped off from lack of light and oxygen - or is that just pot plants? Eurgh - imagine fat man fat!!!

    Did anyone see that 'documentary' on C4 a few months back on BBWs - "Big Beatuiful Women" and one called "Feeders" about very STRANGE men that like to feed up their laydees to elephantine proportions... to the point where they sculpt the flabby layers into ... sorry can't go on - feel sick just thinking about it.

    Anyway... lots of fat men in the forces (funny how you never see them in the ads though...) - 'fess up... how do you shag with your 'truckers tum' jutting 3 foot in front of you. Bet you just have to lie back and let the poor maiden do all the work... but then at least she wouldn't get sweat dripping on to her.