How do I tell her?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Gary827, May 22, 2006.

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  1. Need some help.

    The missus has recently started to get a bit of a mid life belly and I've now had two people ask me over the last few weeks if the wife has a bun in the oven (she doesn't).

    The questions is how do I tell her to get her arse downb the gym before I trade her in for a newer model without either getting a kick in the balls, a total sex ban or weeks of ear bending with coments like "You dont love me any more blah blah blah.........."

    p.s. if anyone has a 'fit' wife they want to part exchange please pm me (this one is only partly used, still has plenty of miles left on the clock and comes complete with two rug rats)
  2. Maybe she does and she's just trying to work out how to tell you it's not yours!

    Hope I've helped. :roll:
  3. Easy. When you get home from work tonight, give her a kiss and say "Alright Chubby....what's for tea then?"
  4. You're gonna have to be extremely subtle with this one, Gary. You know how sensitive women can be, so you'll need lotsa sigh-kollagee.
    The next time you're sitting down with her for a meal, wait until she's eaten half and then whip her plate away suddenly while saying: "That's enough for you, you fat fück!".
    She'll get the message and really appreciate your sensitivity.

  5. How do you know she isn't thinking the same about you Gary827? :lol:
  6. Show her this thread, let her know that you have told the entire internet access enabled world that you think she is fat. I guarantee that the effects will be well worth watching.

    I admit that there is a good chance you won't live through the experience, so please tell your fat other half your password for ARRSE so she can tell us where your body is buried.
  7. The simple way is to sit her down and the lay out the ground rules to this effect,
    Ethier tone up or you're shipping her out.
    Also start buying contact mags and tell her it just a bit of reccon for her replacement.
    Plus a bit of subtle "why dont you look like that" while watching Americas next top anerecic(sorry) top model.
  8. Why not try taking her to the gym with you and then say its some you can do together or cylcing some such pish along thoses lines.
  9. You do realise that females spoil a good run?
  10. Teach your kids to call her "fatty", then tell them off (with a stern face.....not pissing yourself) when they do.

    Tell them how hurt mummy is for them calling her that, and that it is not nice to call people names based on their appearance, when she cannot really help it.

    Hopefully, that will put the blame onto little'uns for being rude to her, while also appearing to lovingly stick up for her.

    Then explain to her that the children had been getting bullied at school for having a "fat slag" mum (Their words, not yours, of course), and that perhaps you could both do with getting down to the gym together to "tone-up" your already fit bodies, and lose a couple of pounds in the process.

    Meanwhile, buy the kids a treat for not spilling the beans. :D
  11. Simple

    Tomorrow morning roll over and gently place your hand on her belly...... lovingly look her in the eye and say

    Fu*&k me 155 by 13R ....

  12. start leaving weight watchers magazines around the house and constantly watch "celebrity fat club" dvd's. Failing that divorce and spend the proceeds your half of the settlement on a holiday in pattaya
  13. Gary ....

    the next time she says does my bum look big in this..speak the truth and say yup it sure does!. Then stand back and wait for the fireworks, cos she wont be expecting you to say that........

    creakin (always here to help)
  14. I think Mickey Dees has the right idea, just get someone else to do it. Surely one of your mates is the type that he could mention it without the guilt.
  15. use "JABBA" as a new term of affection perhaps :?: :?: :?: :?: