How Do I Get Rid Of A Dead Body?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Dale the snail, Feb 10, 2006.

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  1. I am sure this has been done before, but the red mist is stronger than me.

    I could bury it outside with the civvies my friend has killed.

    I could try and squish it into my tardis (aka car) and chuck it out somewhere on the A345.

    If the mess had a patio, I could bury it under there, but Debut are shite.

    I could leave it on the Golf Course, but some saddo would find it.

    The guard dogs here are even older than Aunty Stella, so no point shoving it through the window. They would only gum it to death.

    Please help. Oh, and no-one tell the bizzies.
  2. Stick it at a desk in the HQ block - nobody will notice for weeks.
  3. I have a beef mincing machine if you need to borrow it. It's not a big one so It'll take a fair while so you'll need to put a weekend aside but the dog's love it. Full of vitamins, minerals and marrowbone jelly.
  4. Carefully package in a suitable tea chest, post to New Scotland Yard
    Make sure you clearly write a return address on the packing label

    Tony Blair
    10 Downing Street

    Should be suitable

    Failing that jst fetch it up here, easy to make sure its never found :wink:
  5. A bag of lime and a deep hole, let science do the rest...
  6. Acepromazine wearing off, Dale?
  7. Eat the fcuker - you could do with putting some weight on.
  8. Well according to one reasonably contempory british gangster film.... Pigs!
  9. send it by DHL back to yourself , you can guarantee it will get lost ! :twisted:
  10. According to one of those random programmes that C5 has on between porn and proving Hitler was gay, they had a true crimes thing on. This guy put his wifes body in the deep freeze, then put it through a wood shredder (you know the ones) into a river. They only caught him, coz he turned it onto the woods to save time and a dog found a human tooth...
  11. 25 gallons of petrol and a metal dumpster will apparently turn a corpse into un-identifiable ash.
  12. There is some measure in this reply from the unwashed :wink: , apart from putting the weight on, which you do NOT need to do....,
    I hear the brain is very tasty, washed down with a nice Chianti 8) :D
    Oh an don't forget the onions and the bun ... (giggles)...
  13. Dress it up in your birds favourite outfit(or your mums) then talk to it regularly covering topics such as why I cant get/keep a girlfriend, why everyone at work is talking about me, I think I'm just miss-understood and you love me don't you mummy?
  14. make it into a a clerk that is like a dead body and no one sees them or miss them apparently
  15. Create an explosion in South East Asia, causing another tsunami, thus enabling you to hide it amongst the others :D