How do I get [I]my[/I] MBE ?

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#1
We've all seen them, seniors or offrs spending all their waking hours trying to work out how to get a bit of tin without putting themselves in personal danger.
On the Cerakote thread @MR_R_SOLE told of a woodentop badge o/c good ideas, and a QM who desperately wanted something to hang next to his attendance badges.
Doesn't have to be about gongs, there's promotions, cash, cars, and of course the ubiquitous fish socket as aspirations/bait.
Now who are you going to grass up ?
 
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#2
Oh Christ, where to start:
  • I know of an SO1 who got his MBE for essentially getting the boys Coca Cola instead of screech whilst on Ops.
  • A former boss of mine got the MBE with a write-up which in no way reflected his job over the previous 12 years.
  • One of our old SSgts got his MBE for essentially going on the piss with BT every Friday for three years. On his leaving do, he admitted as much (a bloody good egg though).
  • An old warehouse manager of ours got the MBE whilst serving, for running a football club for Pads kids. Definitely one cünt who needed a visit from OP YEWTREE.
But then again, you get the odd one who absolutely deserves it.
  • We had a lad serving at the mighty 7 Sigs who got the BEM for essentially working 3 or 4 ranks up for his entire Op Tour.
 
#3
A CSgt in my old battalion got a BEM for bravely guarding the pads wives while the Bn was in NI. I understand he was (alledgedly) always calling round to see if they were OK while their old man was away...
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#4
A CSgt in my old battalion got a BEM for bravely guarding the pads wives while the Bn was in NI. I understand he was (alledgedly) always calling round to see if they were OK while their old man was away...
Thought they always did that.
 
#6
A CSgt in my old battalion got a BEM for bravely guarding the pads wives while the Bn was in NI. I understand he was (alledgedly) always calling round to see if they were OK while their old man was away...
Did a lot of kiddies appear shortly afterwards which looked like him? Rather like that Father Ted episode with Pat Mustard and the hairy babies.
 

W21A

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
Alleged story from GW1. A certain infantry company was told to nominate someone for a BEM. Everyone had done a good job but no-one was considered outstanding, therefore everyone's name went into a hat. The grumpy storeman's name came out.
 
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#8
An ex-Boss of mine who picked up an NI EoT MBE for a final OPS day posi search.

Which was USA'd by me.

Who got nothing.

As did the Search Team Leader.

As we (and the team) froze our tits off until the gear was found.

Whilst Sir sat fat, dumb and happy behind the Ops Officer in a screechingly over-heated Ops Room.

. . . but I'm not bitter-I like to think that I'm above such wasted emotion.

The ****.
 
#10
Long, long ago, in a Universe far, far away, the EOKA emergency in Cyprus was coming to an end so gongs were being handed out.

Should the unit's BEM be given to the Sgt who had loyally run the Nicosia Signals Despatch Office? Ah, maybe it would not get past the GOC, as months before the said Sgt had called out EOD for a suspicious package, which led to the gift from the Governor to said GOC of a tin of caviar being spread all over the square.

Okay then, let's give it to the Ssgt A/WO2 who had run the Paphos det in the heightened security state during the elections - completely forgetting that this clown had called for a tech from Nicosia, who had to be flown there because of the heightened security measures, to fix the HF set. On arrival the tech set the mains switch from 'Off' to 'On', and was flown back to Nicosia.
 
#11
Long, long ago, in a Universe far, far away, the EOKA emergency in Cyprus was coming to an end so gongs were being handed out.

Should the unit's BEM be given to the Sgt who had loyally run the Nicosia Signals Despatch Office? Ah, maybe it would not get past the GOC, as months before the said Sgt had called out EOD for a suspicious package, which led to the gift from the Governor to said GOC of a tin of caviar being spread all over the square.

Okay then, let's give it to the Ssgt A/WO2 who had run the Paphos det in the heightened security state during the elections - completely forgetting that this clown had called for a tech from Nicosia, who had to be flown there because of the heightened security measures, to fix the HF set. On arrival the tech set the mains switch from 'Off' to 'On', and was flown back to Nicosia.
Easy mistake to make.

A few years ago (16, fecking hell!) in Oman we had a TA YofS come out to "help", he was utterly useless - and ended up being put in charge of a radio det - a task which he managed entirely to his satisfaction.........
 
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The_Duke

LE
Moderator
#12
For the TA/AR - "enable". Organise sport, stand around pointlessly in town squares or community events in the name of recruiting, claim endless MTDs for recruit training of a standard the ACF laugh at. As long as you don't actually spend too much time training the blokes to a high standard and deploying you should be pretty much good to go.

Any evidence of capability or real commitment appears to complete an "ineligible for award" box on the form.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
#13
For the TA/AR - "enable". Organise sport, stand around pointlessly in town squares or community events in the name of recruiting, claim endless MTDs for recruit training of a standard the ACF laugh at. As long as you don't actually spend too much time training the blokes to a high standard and deploying you should be pretty much good to go.

Any evidence of capability or real commitment appears to complete an "ineligible for award" box on the form.
Is this aimed at anyone in particular, who might or might not frequent this site?
 
#15
A CSgt in my old battalion got a BEM for bravely guarding the pads wives while the Bn was in NI. I understand he was (alledgedly) always calling round to see if they were OK while their old man was away...
When I was in Celle during the early 80s, 1 RGJ wives used to stick packets of OMO washing powder (Old Man Out) in their kitchen windows whenever the Battalion was on Banner deployment or long exercise. One of the wives of a SNCO, used to act as Madam, and recruit younger wives to do the business with local German populace. She even tried to recruit the newly married wife of one of our Security Section Staff Sergeants, inferring that it was expected of anyone living in the MQs. Luckily the lady in question was not the type to be intimidated.

As I recall the wife of the RSM was getting sha**ed by a Rifleman whilst the RSM was knocking off one of the Junior's wife's.

Incidentally, when HM the Queen came to Celle for a revue of all four Battalions of the Regiment (including a TA Battalion), the poison dwarf who ran the wives brothel was presented to her!!!
 
#16
For the TA/AR - "enable". Organise sport, stand around pointlessly in town squares or community events in the name of recruiting, claim endless MTDs for recruit training of a standard the ACF laugh at. As long as you don't actually spend too much time training the blokes to a high standard and deploying you should be pretty much good to go.

Any evidence of capability or real commitment appears to complete an "ineligible for award" box on the form.
At 6RRF (X-Coy) in the late 90s the "right stuff" seemed to consist of managing to drink 20+ bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale, smash the granny out of the jock AGC lass, and then drive home without knocking all the streetlamps down on Scotswood Road.
 

FORMER_FYRDMAN

LE
Book Reviewer
#17
Does anyone with any intelligence really take these things seriously anymore?



 
#18
When I was in Celle during the early 80s, 1 RGJ wives used to stick packets of OMO washing powder (Old Man Out) in their kitchen windows whenever the Battalion was on Banner deployment or long exercise. One of the wives of a SNCO, used to act as Madam, and recruit younger wives to do the business with local German populace. She even tried to recruit the newly married wife of one of our Security Section Staff Sergeants, inferring that it was expected of anyone living in the MQs. Luckily the lady in question was not the type to be intimidated.

As I recall the wife of the RSM was getting sha**ed by a Rifleman whilst the RSM was knocking off one of the Junior's wife's.

Incidentally, when HM the Queen came to Celle for a revue of all four Battalions of the Regiment (including a TA Battalion), the poison dwarf who ran the wives brothel was presented to her!!!
I was stationed in Soltau '72-74 (7th Armoured HQ) and it was the same back then, the only difference was that we termed it "On My Own", Ahh the memories. The Roundhouse on Saturday mornings was also a good pick-up place for "exercise wives" :hump:
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#19
Pointless bling seems to be something that the navy has thankfully managed to avoid.

It was widely discussed down the mess decks when Johnson Beharry got his VC, that while his actions were admirable, had he been a matelot, he would’ve got an extra scoop of chips for dinner and a duty stand down on the next run ashore if he was lucky.

The state ceremonial warrant officer generally gets an MBE after his stint if he ends up participating in the burial of someone important, that’s about it.

Generally you have to actually save someone’s life or do something pretty outstanding to get a gong. An engineering technician recently got a certificate for inventing some computer system that saved the mob literally millions of quid.

Likewise the bloke who invented fixed hatch waterwalls (firefighting thing now found on nearly every ship in the world) got a WH Smith’s book token and a pat on the back.
 

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