How do astronauts ****?

Just been on the news that a group of blokes, would be astronauts or cosmonauts as the Russians call them, have been locked up for a year in Moscow. This was an experiment to see if they could stand the trip to Mars. So on Valnetine's Eve, I thought I would ask the Master Baiters there opinion on how they manage
 

maguire

LE
Book Reviewer
frequently, I would think.
 

rampant

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
I wonder how quickly the act of ejaculation would propel you backwards & how far. I mean if you managed to line yourself up with the hatches a long the length of the space station, could spaffing propel you from one end to the other?
 
They don't have to wear the full gear on the trip, only on the surface, if they make it there. So basically, if they can take a shit, a wank is no problem.

Anyway raise your thoughts to a higher plane, like how to make me spaff by internet.
 
Carefully, or its huston we have a problem
 
Like all the rest of us, just with one hand mostly.
 

mildperil

Old-Salt
Well I think they have a 20 minute delay on 'radio' communications so it would be a while before you knew you'd been caught, although the 50000000 cameras might put you off a bit (depending on your preferences). The zero-gravity and radiation implications of trans-Martian onanism doesn't bear thinknig about though!
 
In a real spacecraft that would be very dangerous. Given that they don't even use pencils in space because loose graphite could short circuit something important. So they probably have a waterproof wank sock issued.
 
They don't have to wear the full gear on the trip, only on the surface, if they make it there. So basically, if they can take a shit, a wank is no problem.

Anyway raise your thoughts to a higher plane, like how to make me spaff by internet.
Why you can't tell the difference between a fanny and the wall
 

mildperil

Old-Salt
In a real spacecraft that would be very dangerous. Given that they don't even use pencils in space because loose graphite could short circuit something important. So they probably have a waterproof wank sock issued.
On the other hand if you wore one of these bad boys it would probably feel like someone else was doing it, turn it around on completion and you have a handy receptacle.

 
Why you can't tell the difference between a fanny and the wall
Sometimes the wall is preferable when you see next morning what you've picked up whilst pissed.

Fuckin' excuses, always excuses.
 
3 years' supply of bromide.

And a dozen hookers working round the clock when they get back.
 

beufighter

Old-Salt
On the other hand if you wore one of these bad boys it would probably feel like someone else was doing it, turn it around on completion and you have a handy receptacle.

Complete with nobbly bits,, 24 min to cum up with the solution!!!! You are highly commended for STAFF college and a RISE. Or does that just deserve a big HAND??
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
You are supposed to reward these guys, not punish them further.
I dunno. I was thinking after being cooped up that long they'd have wanted a good game of rugby. Doesn't Palace have a field? :?
 
A

Aleegee1698

Guest
Thats rather interesting...........my theory:

You could put your "Space-sheet", Doss-bag, or Astronautical Toilet paper on the ceiling, roughly in the envisaged impact area, and whilst standing, have your ham-shandy , adjusting your stance until all rounds are conveniently caught on the sheet/doss-bag/toilet paper placed previously on the ceiling.

If you d still like it on your own belly, you d have to lay on the ceiling and carry on as if laying in bed on Planet Earth.

Failing all that, have a posh wank.
 

Ciggie

On ROPS
On ROPs
Maybe zero gravity would have some kind of effect on the ballsack mechanism, it'd just go back in and over time there'd be an enormous accumulation and a rather messy cleanup op after the inevitable detonation of gonads.
 

New Posts

Latest Threads

Top