how bone is your missus.

wheel

LE
I told her not to go to Tesco this afternoon after seeing her pals.
I told her I'd get the milk, which I did from the Esso Tesco garage.
I told her Tesco was mobbed and understaffed at the checkouts.
I told her I was only considering her well being.

She went.
Got more milk we do not need plus some facewipes whatever these females use.
Got harassed by some former pupils taking the piss since after all she's a 70 years old senior citizen on her own after all.
What the fukkers did not bargain on is the fact she's so well known instore, and the krunts got dealt with by security & managers who called Police..who funnily enough were just cruising around.
We think they were gassed on cheap booze.
She got taken to to canteen, Police took statements. Doubt much will transpire but she might listen next time.
We have not had that convo yet. Perhaps tomorrow.
I do believe The Long Haired Ones have two ears like us?
She's OK though..just mad she was isolated & disadvantaged for a minute to defend.
Its your fault for living in Jockistan .
 

Blogg

LE
Mrs B out and about this morning.

Landline rings. Known users: spam callers and her mother. Groan

But no, it's her sensible sister. Bit of a chat, and "Oh could you tell her that mother has promised not to send any more idiotic letters"

OK....what letters? The old cow and husband did sent some absolutely crackers missives a while back but nothing since

Mrs B returns. I ask. Tears then tells of a flood of unhinged and wholly unfiltered train of consciousness handwritten letters she and sisters had been getting.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"We thought you and BiL's might never want to see or do anything for her ever again"

"We don't" appears not to have been the right answer
 
Mrs B out and about this morning.

Landline rings. Known users: spam callers and her mother. Groan

But no, it's her sensible sister. Bit of a chat, and "Oh could you tell her that mother has promised not to send any more idiotic letters"

OK....what letters? The old cow and husband did sent some absolutely crackers missives a while back but nothing since

Mrs B returns. I ask. Tears then tells of a flood of unhinged and wholly unfiltered train of consciousness handwritten letters she and sisters had been getting.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"We thought you and BiL's might never want to see or do anything for her ever again"

"We don't" appears not to have been the right answer
To be fair, it sounds like more a case of "how bone are your family in law" here. Sounds like an impossible situation.

How's the road up to their house going?
 

Blogg

LE
To be fair, it sounds like more a case of "how bone are your family in law" here. Sounds like an impossible situation.

How's the road up to their house going?

Finished. And a favourite subject of many of the letters apparently.

My Civil Engineer BiL put in a lot of time and effort as well as calling in many favours to get that done, not to mention keeping the poisonous old cow away from the contractors who at various points she wanted to "send away"

Not a word of gratitude just endless letters moaning about cost, noise, mess, not needed etc etc
 
Finished. And a favourite subject of many of the letters apparently.

My Civil Engineer BiL put in a lot of time and effort as well as calling in many favours to get that done, not to mention keeping the poisonous old cow away from the contractors who at various points she wanted to "send away"

Not a word of gratitude just endless letters moaning about cost, noise, mess, not needed etc etc
It beats me why Les Dawson thought Mothers-in-law were funny.
 
Herself was in town this morning and on returning home she tells me there is something wrong with the oil in her car. I ask her what the problem is and she tells me that the oil is only showing 15% even though though I change the oil just a week ago.

She tells me that she checked the oil and it is up to the correct level. I explain to her that what she is looking at is not the amount of oil in the sump but how long the oil life itself has and that I forgot to reset the oil life after changing the oil and that I would show her how to reset it when I do it.

Out to her vehicle we go and I tell her there are two ways to reset the oil life counter and then I proceed to tell her, one is an easy way, the other she may find a little bit difficult ( that earned me one of her annoyed looks).

After showing her how it is reset she asks why there is two ways to reset it. Telling her the easy way was for female drivers didn't go down too well. She then asked me to show her the other way, I tell her that she best leave that alone in case she breaks anything which caused her to storm off in a huff after telling me to do one.
 
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Mrs heads to the ladies and pulls a hairbrush out of her bag to tidy up.
Rather silver haired these days.
Gasps of horror from the other ladies present.
She looks down to see a massive clump of white hair on the brush.
We were up in Kielder Forest last week and she had collected a ball of
sheeps wool off a fence to show a friend.

She had stuffed it into her bag and forgotten about it.
Came out of the ladies laughing fit to bust.
 
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Herself was in town this morning and on returning home she tells me there is something wrong with the oil in her car. I ask her what the problem is and she tells me that the oil is only showing 15% even though though I change the oil just a week ago.

She tells me that she checked the oil and it is up to the correct level. I explain to her that what she is looking at is not the amount of oil in the sump but how long the oil life itself has and that I forgot to reset the oil life after changing the oil and that I would show her how to reset it when I do it.

Out to her vehicle we go and I tell her there are two ways to rest the oil life counter and then I proceed to tell her, one is an easy way, the other she may find a little bit difficult ( that earned me one of her annoyed looks).

After showing her how it is reset she asks why there is two ways to reset it. Telling her the easy way was for female drivers didn't go down too well. She then asked me to show her the other way, I tell her that she best leave that alone in case she breaks anything which caused her to storm off in a huff after telling me to do one.
You left out the bit of the story where you forgot to replace the sump plug before refilling the oil.
 
You left out the bit of the story where you forgot to replace the sump plug before refilling the oil.

I replaced the sump plug though I may have forgot to refill the brake fluid
 
Herself was in town this morning and on returning home she tells me there is something wrong with the oil in her car. I ask her what the problem is and she tells me that the oil is only showing 15% even though though I change the oil just a week ago.

She tells me that she checked the oil and it is up to the correct level. I explain to her that what she is looking at is not the amount of oil in the sump but how long the oil life itself has and that I forgot to reset the oil life after changing the oil and that I would show her how to reset it when I do it.

Out to her vehicle we go and I tell her there are two ways to rest the oil life counter and then I proceed to tell her, one is an easy way, the other she may find a little bit difficult ( that earned me one of her annoyed looks).

After showing her how it is reset she asks why there is two ways to reset it. Telling her the easy way was for female drivers didn't go down too well. She then asked me to show her the other way, I tell her that she best leave that alone in case she breaks anything which caused her to storm off in a huff after telling me to do one.
Wimmin! Know your limits!
 
The MiL sister came round for dinner. We’ll I’m now clued up on who’s dead, dying and sick. Watching the Kenyans run apparently they’re a different breed, something to do with fast twitch muscles, obviously no comment on McColgan smashing all bar one of them in the 5000m we were watching. And to top it off the Lionesses are better (at football not producing results) than the male team. I bit at that and had to leave the table. I tried to explain how boxing was scored, waste of time. Her dogs got dementia apparently, MiL chimes in that hers has that too…they’re just old, blind and deaf FFS. Anyhoo, I’m going back in!
 
Had alot of friends round yesterday evening for a bbq.
I'm just wearing shorts this morning clearing up.
You're putting weight on she says.
So are you I reply.
F*ck me!
Light blue touch paper!
 
SWMBO just complained that the remote was not changing channels on the TV.
Perhaps you should use the actual remote and not the telephone handset, oh light of my life...
You're going to post this on that army site aren't you?
But of course my dear...
 
SWMBO just complained that the remote was not changing channels on the TV.
Perhaps you should use the actual remote and not the telephone handset, oh light of my life...
You're going to post this on that army site aren't you?
But of course my dear...
Yeah, but did you (or your missus) know if you press the 'yellow button' 'menu' 'select' during a commercial break it send and order to the nearest Dominos Pizza with a 30% discount?
 
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