how bone is your missus.

Sat watching TV and she comes out with a totally random, "can you catch covid from sucking cock?" I spluttered my tea all over the carpet, I wondered why our window cleaner was coughing! :eek: XD
 
Her going deaf is me & everyone else not talking loud enough.

WTF.
I often get accused of not listening. What she fails to realise that when she is talking to me she is in the front room and I have been in the kitchen / next to the dishwasher / next to tehe cooker hood / next to some other loud thing in a different room.

But it's my hearing of course....
 
I often get accused of not listening. What she fails to realise that when she is talking to me she is in the front room and I have been in the kitchen / next to the dishwasher / next to tehe cooker hood / next to some other loud thing in a different room.

But it's my hearing of course....
I get that all the time, for the last week I have had impacted wax in my left ear rendering me totally deaf in that ear. I've been taking drops to soften it. Last night there was a big whoosh of air to my eardrum and a large lump of wax came out. I can now hear again in that ear but I'm still playing the deaf card when she asks me to do something I can't be arsed doing! XD
 

Blogg

LE
Mrs B: "Why are you just sitting there! We need to leave now!"

Me: "I feel like shit. Have a bad headache, feel really nauseous and ominious grumbling and bubbling of the guts. Going nowhere."


Mrs B: "Well that's bloody great. Why didn't you tell me last night!
 
I often get accused of not listening. What she fails to realise that when she is talking to me she is in the front room and I have been in the kitchen / next to the dishwasher / next to tehe cooker hood / next to some other loud thing in a different room.

But it's my hearing of course....
I simply do not answer if she is in another room whether I heard or not.
Invariably, it was either some ad hoc ,inconsequential "Much ado about nothing" so why the F bother in the first place? It's amazing how many life changing & groundshaking matters suddenly vanish.

2)
Or, if of some substance, at least present in the same room out of common courtesy.


Most common.
3)
If it's random tittle tattle, and far too often something I've either explained or sorted before ( had she applied a suitable level of attention & absorption resulting in subsequent calls to action, there would have been no need to engage in pointless ground-hog day revisitation of same fukkin thing again.
You know the sort of things.....EG "If you are going to Tesco we've run out of Ariel tabs & eggs".

"OK I'll add them to the list."

That was 3 days ago........ forgot the list.
However, if it was for our kittens, she'd not forget a fukkin thing.
 

EddieVDog

War Hero
I often get accused of not listening. What she fails to realise that when she is talking to me she is in the front room and I have been in the kitchen / next to the dishwasher / next to tehe cooker hood / next to some other loud thing in a different room.

But it's my hearing of course....
This 100%
 

Blogg

LE
If you expect sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis. XD

She has humped off now, the pausing only to remind me not to forget to run dishwasher and many other important things I blanked.

"Were you expecting the dogs to do all that whilst we were out?" greeted with even more humpiness
 

RBMK

LE
Book Reviewer
Another one from last week.

We're going to Derbyshire, near one of my customers who I visit regularly. The place we're staying (Darwin Forest) we have stayed at before. The plan is to stop off at a cafe on the way and let the dog stretch his legs - another place that we have been to previously.

100 yards down the road she leans over and starts buggering about with the SATNAV, which I don't need for where we're going and in doing so she gets in may way of doing minor things like changing gear and seeing out of the passenger side window.

Even then she mucks up the screen so that it shows somewhere about 20 miles from where we're heading.
 
Another one from last week.

We're going to Derbyshire, near one of my customers who I visit regularly. The place we're staying (Darwin Forest) we have stayed at before. The plan is to stop off at a cafe on the way and let the dog stretch his legs - another place that we have been to previously.

100 yards down the road she leans over and starts buggering about with the SATNAV, which I don't need for where we're going and in doing so she gets in may way of doing minor things like changing gear and seeing out of the passenger side window.

Even then she mucks up the screen so that it shows somewhere about 20 miles from where we're heading.
Holding it upside down?
That's genetics at work bud.
It's wot they do.
Which is why they ought to stick to the kitchen, bed on demand, at keep the fridge beer & snack stocked.
Harrumph......
 
Mrs B: "Why are you just sitting there! We need to leave now!"

Me: "I feel like shit. Have a bad headache, feel really nauseous and ominious grumbling and bubbling of the guts. Going nowhere."


Mrs B: "Well that's bloody great. Why didn't you tell me last night!

We need to leave now, I learnt , eventually that a Woman and an Italian woman will never be ready on time.

Even booking a date,time,location in any Italian or with any Italian company,firm,entity. They will turn up late.

After 25 years I now subtract at least 1/2 an hour from any departure time and yet, we are still sometimes late.

Also she has a bladder the size of a hazel nut. Before we go out it’s a , oh final pee, then after 1/2 an hour it’s . Oh I need to pee. WTF is that about.
 
We need to leave now, I learnt , eventually that a Woman and an Italian woman will never be ready on time.

Even booking a date,time,location in any Italian or with any Italian company,firm,entity. They will turn up late.

After 25 years I now subtract at least 1/2 an hour from any departure time and yet, we are still sometimes late.

Also she has a bladder the size of a hazel nut. Before we go out it’s a , oh final pee, then after 1/2 an hour it’s . Oh I need to pee. WTF is that about.
Tell her that the peeing is a sign of ageing and she will need a catheter and a bag strapped to her leg. That should improve the continence. If it don't, insist she get a catheter and a bag.
 
Thursday, she's driving home from work and phones me: "I've got a tyre pressure warning. What should I do?"
Me: "Pump it up and monitor it to see if it is a slow puncture."
Her: "ok". Nothing more is said.
Sunday, I'm driving her car: " The tyre pressure warning is still on, did you pump it up?" thinking we were now going to divert to Kwik-Fit to sort it out.
Her: "No, I'm monitoring it like you said"
Me: "What? Monitoring it getting flatter?"
I pull into a forecourt and pump it up, checking the others as I go.
Me "Now you can monitor it!"
Her: "Hmmfff"
 

Spacehopper383

War Hero
I often get accused of not listening. What she fails to realise that when she is talking to me she is in the front room and I have been in the kitchen / next to the dishwasher / next to tehe cooker hood / next to some other loud thing in a different room.

But it's my hearing of course....
So true, I've given up explaining that I was using a power tool outside whilst she is in the kitchen telling me things. I mean surely the sound gives it away!
 
I told her I was going outside earlier.
I could still faintly hear her waffling away.
God knows to who.

The best one is when you wander off whilst they are waffling away and some random bloke steps into their zone of talking/nagging/conversation. Without looking at who is there they carry on their conversation directing it squarely at the poor bloke who probably thinks he has stumbled across someone on day release from the funny farm.

The poor blokes remains frozen to the ground not daring to move - in case the nutty woman is dangerous. The Mrs then glances over, realises it is not you, pings you, looks at the poor bloke like he is something stuck to her shoe, then rapidly strutts over and bollocks you for wandering off.
 

Latest Threads

Top