how bone is your missus.

Just stocking up on wood for winter. Normally have about 1/2 a tonne, getting a bit more this year.
‘’Wood merchant has put up his price , it’s been 15 € for the last 5 years , now it’s gone up to 16€.

Anyway , using the Mrs car as it’s here , been with us for 5 years , always kept the spare keys in the same spot for , 5 years . This morning, ? WTF are the spare keys. ?

Not in the “normal” place for 5 years ? WTF ?

Hello dearest , where have you put the car keys?

“OH , I put them In the kitchen cabinet, much safer”

WTF they have been safe for 5 years , now you hide them away ?

Why oh why do,they do that?
 
Just stocking up on wood for winter. Normally have about 1/2 a tonne, getting a bit more this year.
‘’Wood merchant has put up his price , it’s been 15 € for the last 5 years , now it’s gone up to 16€.

Anyway , using the Mrs car as it’s here , been with us for 5 years , always kept the spare keys in the same spot for , 5 years . This morning, ? WTF are the spare keys. ?

Not in the “normal” place for 5 years ? WTF ?

Hello dearest , where have you put the car keys?

“OH , I put them In the kitchen cabinet, much safer”

WTF they have been safe for 5 years , now you hide them away ?

Why oh why do,they do that?


 
The shining light of my life has had a new idea, she suggests that we join the AMA and discontinue any maintenance and only repair the vehicles when they breakdown. She is a genius I can’t understand why doesn’t everyone run their vehicles her way, I’ve told her that there are no more doctors appointments for her, we will fix her when she stops functioning.
Weeeell, when I worked for the AA, it did feel like this was pretty standard. Spurious reason for breakdown, on arrival a stack of parts on the passenger seat, and either cash being waved or a young lady wearing not a lot.
 
We had a domestic emergency late last night - one of the (semi feral) cats was very poorly, so obviously we had to take him to the vet. At midnight. Call to emergency vet line etc, then get dressed etc. I'm dressed and ready to rock in about a minute. Her - not so swift. Cat so dopey he went in the box without a fight. So I took the opportunity to turn the car round ready for a quick getaway.

She comes out just as I've finished (it needs about a 9 point turn!!) and I watch her doing all the locking up of the back door.

Had to lower the window and tell her she'd forgotten the cat - who was in the box just inside the back door.





The cat had 3 jabs and is fine this morning. Said I'd go in and pay the bill later....
 

Blogg

LE
"What are you doing?:

" Straightening and sharpening the mower blade. As in trying not to have to go buy a new one after you ran mower over stone edging and on to the gravel path last week."

"Well you should have cut the grass when I asked"
 
Women and doors you say @SONAR-BENDER ?

We're at the eldest's this weekend for him and the daughter in law to go somewhere for their anniversary. We're looking after the youngest grandson and the hound. Naturally they've left us a set of house keys which are kept in her handbag, (along with god knows what else), as I can't be trusted to lose them. Apparently.

She announced earlier that we were going to the supermarket. So after wrestling the 2 year old grandson into his clothes and shoes we set off to the car. "You put the grandson in the car seat", she says, whilst carefully avoiding the fact that she's incapable of doing so - too many straps (3 FFS) for her to get her tiny brain around. "OK, you've got the keys, you lock the front door", sez I. I get the grandson established and look up, expecting to see Brains walking to the car.

Nope.

Big nope.

She's still stood at the front door trying to lock it. She looks at me and shrugs her shoulders. "I can't lock it", she whines. Now there are 4 keys on the keyring and all you need to do is lift the handle to throw the bolts, let go of the handle, bung the right key in, turn it, extract it, job jobbed.

She's lifting the handle, holding it up, then pushing it down, expressing amazement that the door hasn't locked itself. She's tried all 4 keys. All combinations of lifting the handle whilst turning or not the keys. "I can't lock it", she whines again. By this time I'm in the car, window wound down and laughing. I'm pretty sure that didn't help her mood.

After another round of handle lifting, key inserting/turning (clockwise and anti-clockwise) and door still not locking, she finally gives up, walks to the car in a huff and throws me the keys. "The locks broken, we aren't going out", she announces.

Without saying anything, I get out of the car and lock the door using the first key on the bunch (lucky guess), then walk back to the car. I don't think my muttered "You moron", as I got back in the car helped matters much.

Locking a door, it's not rocket science for the female of the species.
 
Teaching my sweetheart how to drive….ffs….explains how a car works and how to operate controls etc etc she keeps asking questions about like the engine and how it works. I’m like don’t worry sweetie pie you just press this and that and turn the big round thing in front of you and it goes where you point it. This has been going on for weeks…I think I’ve aged 10 years! Then we get to reversing(losing the will to live now) goes into the simple steps to moving car back etc etc. her ‘how do you tell your left from your right’ i e and e’d out at that point. Don’t know left from right?????? Scary thing is boys n girls…she’s a surgeon! ✌
Ten weeks? You must be very patient.
Years ago, my sister’s then-boyfriend decided he was going to teach her how to drive.
He rocked up at the family home one afternoon, and she went out to his car for her first lesson.
Less than five minutes later, he strode purposefully into the house and, without a word, grabbed the whisky decanter and poured himself a very large measure, which he downed in one.
With sister still sitting in his car, I decided to be the brave big brother and went out to see if I could do any better.
I started by explaining such basics as use of clutch, accelerator and brake. She didn’t seem to be taking this in. Indeed, after about a minute, she asked if ‘this story has a happy ending’.
I got out of the car and walked back to the house. As I entered, the boyfriend was standing there and presented me with a very large scotch.
Since he, myself, and my father were all in the army, as was my sister, we three chaps decided amongst ourselves to leave any future lessons to an army instructor.
We felt it was safer that way for all, and our vehicles, concerned.
 

wheel

LE
We had a domestic emergency late last night - one of the (semi feral) cats was very poorly, so obviously we had to take him to the vet. At midnight. Call to emergency vet line etc, then get dressed etc. I'm dressed and ready to rock in about a minute. Her - not so swift. Cat so dopey he went in the box without a fight. So I took the opportunity to turn the car round ready for a quick getaway.

She comes out just as I've finished (it needs about a 9 point turn!!) and I watch her doing all the locking up of the back door.

Had to lower the window and tell her she'd forgotten the cat - who was in the box just inside the back door.





The cat had 3 jabs and is fine this morning. Said I'd go in and pay the bill later....
What a waste of time effort and money.
1656159605675.png
 

CaptainRidiculous

On ROPS
On ROPs
Ten weeks? You must be very patient.
Years ago, my sister’s then-boyfriend decided he was going to teach her how to drive.
He rocked up at the family home one afternoon, and she went out to his car for her first lesson.
Less than five minutes later, he strode purposefully into the house and, without a word, grabbed the whisky decanter and poured himself a very large measure, which he downed in one.
With sister still sitting in his car, I decided to be the brave big brother and went out to see if I could do any better.
I started by explaining such basics as use of clutch, accelerator and brake. She didn’t seem to be taking this in. Indeed, after about a minute, she asked if ‘this story has a happy ending’.
I got out of the car and walked back to the house. As I entered, the boyfriend was standing there and presented me with a very large scotch.
Since he, myself, and my father were all in the army, as was my sister, we three chaps decided amongst ourselves to leave any future lessons to an army instructor.
We felt it was safer that way for all, and our vehicles, concerned.
I used to teach driving to friend's kids. Not ab initio stuff, but more a real road users guide, as opposed to the rote nonsense needed to pass the local test.
It amazed me how many of them had no idea of how a clutch actually works, or gears, or or or.
Had a few conversations along the lines of "why did you do that?"
"Because the instructor told us to"
Yep, the "do" not the "why you should do"
 
Further to post 16,409 above...

Lunchtime. The grandson has been good so chocolate ice cream for afters. Messy but no problem, we've got some wet wipes in his backpack. "Where's the backpack, oh light of my life?" I asked. "I've brought it in from the car, it's in the living room?" Nope. "Upstairs then?" she helpfully suggests. So off upstairs on a backpack hunt. No joy.

"I'm CERTAIN I brought it in from the car," she says. So just to be REALLY CERTAIN, (disbelieving swine that I am), off I go to the car. No prize for guessing what she CERTAINLY HADN'T brought into the house. Backpack passed to her along with the comment, "There are some wet wipes in there, crack on with cleaning the lad up."

God give me fcuking strength to get through the next few days without committing GBH.
 
Don’t know left from right?????? Scary thing is boys n girls…she’s a surgeon! ✌

I feel your pain mate, believe me I do. Herself is a surgeon as well.
 
Re them not knowing their left from their right - it's a thing! Many moons ago a lad brought his missus to the diving club. She didn't know her right from her left - so much so that for driving lessons and her test, she had L and R written discretely around the car!

Then her sister came to live with her and also joined the diving club - exactly the same! All the females in the family had it.
 
Re them not knowing their left from their right - it's a thing! Many moons ago a lad brought his missus to the diving club. She didn't know her right from her left - so much so that for driving lessons and her test, she had L and R written discretely around the car!

Then her sister came to live with her and also joined the diving club - exactly the same! All the females in the family had it.
Any pictures? :)
 
Why do so many servicemen marry nurses? Plan B in case you get ill?
Availability? Rickshaw mini-minor married one. By beloved seems upset when I refer to her daughter in law as "the starter marriage". No, we're not close.
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
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Availability? Rickshaw mini-minor married one. By beloved seems upset when I refer to her daughter in law as "the starter marriage". No, we're not close.
Your wife or DiL? :)

And to add the obligatory....pics?
 
Her: Is this can of Contact Cleaner out for a reason?

Me: Yes, oh light of my life, the fruit of our loins is bringing his classic car around for him and I to play with and we need it, plus there's that hi-fi amp I want to strip and clean later.

Her: Ok

So why, 45 min later when son and heir arrives, did I find it in the shed?
 

green_slime

War Hero
Why do so many servicemen marry nurses? Plan B in case you get ill?
it is certainly not for sympathy. On the regular occurrence I hurt myself (9 inch ½ in wide gash last year and a chisel in my hand in separate events) all she in interested in is if I have bled over the carpets and how much fun she can have with the wound.

Surgeons are very intelligent in a very specific way. She will often finish drinking out of a glass then hand it to me to put down as she has finished with it.
 
it is certainly not for sympathy. On the regular occurrence I hurt myself (9 inch ½ in wide gash last year and a chisel in my hand in separate events) all she in interested in is if I have bled over the carpets and how much fun she can have with the wound.

Surgeons are very intelligent in a very specific way. She will often finish drinking out of a glass then hand it to me to put down as she has finished with it.
Do you then have to mop her brow and count all the bottle caps out on a whiteboard? ;)
 
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