how bone is your missus.

"I'll just put the sausage in the oven then"

I love it when she talks dirty
 
Mrs OB? . Took Ms OB back to college today. Mrs OB in tow, sad , as normal.

On arriving they went into the residence, I took the dog for a walk and maybe a beer.

Returning after 2 hours, big bag of ? Stuff on the floor.

Mrs OB , we need to take this back home .

Me , Why?

Well it’s broken stuff , shoes that have got wet and melted ( Oh would they be the shiny “leather” shoes you bought in the local Chinese shop for 5 euros ?) .
Also old books and stuff.


OK . Why in gods green earth would we take this ‘stuff’ on a 5 hour drive to our house to throw it away , when 5 meters away in the residence corridor is a complete set of rubbish bins to throw said stuff away?

Well we need to get rid of it in the correct way.


? What can you do. ? 25 years , would be out now if I had killed her .
You expected a guilty verdict ????
 
Branches getting near gutters chez Lardo and need lopping off. Resident expert on all things technical takes a look and says it's a five minute job her BiL can easily do with his chainsaw. I point out it's going to take a fair bit longer than that and although all that wood is suspended in the sky somehow, it's bloody heavy and will need dragging off to the wood pile and compost heap by someone not carrying around a titanium spine.

Cue loud shouting, "I know what I'm doing, I've run a house before" and so on. Leave her to it, BiL duly arrives and spends most of the day cutting branches, I drag off a few and leave the rest for gardener on Monday morning. Turns out it's an all day job and then some, not just five minutes with a light saber.

BiL sent home full of ale and curry, and very quiet SWCNS spends evening avoiding me and making zero eye contact.
 
Branches getting near gutters chez Lardo and need lopping off. Resident expert on all things technical takes a look and says it's a five minute job her BiL can easily do with his chainsaw. I point out it's going to take a fair bit longer than that and although all that wood is suspended in the sky somehow, it's bloody heavy and will need dragging off to the wood pile and compost heap by someone not carrying around a titanium spine.

Cue loud shouting, "I know what I'm doing, I've run a house before" and so on. Leave her to it, BiL duly arrives and spends most of the day cutting branches, I drag off a few and leave the rest for gardener on Monday morning. Turns out it's an all day job and then some, not just five minutes with a light saber.

BiL sent home full of ale and curry, and very quiet SWCNS spends evening avoiding me and making zero eye contact.
It is always 'it'll only take five minutes' for women
Could be a difficult household chore, a trip to the shops, putting on make-up, getting dressed to go out etc
Women have no concept of time.
 
Point out that it's a big job and the level of arsiness goes through the roof. They've done this before/they're not stupid and know better than you/they've been in the situation and it's easy/you're talking down at them and they know what they're doing/etc...

Until you're proved right... again... and the broken TV thing ensues.
 
Point out that it's a big job and the level of arsiness goes through the roof. They've done this before/they're not stupid and know better than you/they've been in the situation and it's easy/you're talking down at them and they know what they're doing/etc...

Until you're proved right and the broken TV thing ensues.
My late mum was the same.
'can you move those plant pots from the front to round the back of the house under the tree? It'll only take you five minutes'
"Umm no. there's about 20 of them, they are bloody heavy, I'm wearing freshly washed trousers, AND your washing is on the line, so I stand a chance of getting garotted or entangled as I try to move them. I'll come round tomorrow with Jnr, and we'll do it for you."
"We, if you don't want to..."

"THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID!"
 

syrup

LE
It is always 'it'll only take five minutes' for women
Could be a difficult household chore, a trip to the shops, putting on make-up, getting dressed to go out etc
Women have no concept of time.


Yep

Daughter on Friday going to my mums

I need to be in work for 17:30 so you need to get a shift on (in from school 15:45)
17:15 hairdryer fires up
17:30 I'm shouting hurry up to replies of "in a minute"

I arrive work 18:05 ( 10 minute drive from home)
 
I can never work out how it can take 5 minutes to get out of the house when she is wearing her coat, has asked me if all the doors are locked and has her keys in her hand.
It has improved since I had to be somewhere for an appointment an she fancied the drive.
"Going in 10 minutes"
"OK"
I put coat on, check doors, windows and make great show of it.
"5 minutes"
"Hmmm"
"Come on or I will go on my own"
5 minutes later and off I go
10 minutes later phone rings
"Where are you?"
"Half way there"
"You're so impatient!"
"Bye"
 
"Just" jobs.........Everyone has a story I bet!
It was someone else's line, but I'm happy to repeat it . . .

"Yes. I will do it. You don't have to keep reminding me every six months".

;) .
 
Branches getting near gutters chez Lardo and need lopping off. Resident expert on all things technical takes a look and says it's a five minute job her BiL can easily do with his chainsaw. I point out it's going to take a fair bit longer than that and although all that wood is suspended in the sky somehow, it's bloody heavy and will need dragging off to the wood pile and compost heap by someone not carrying around a titanium spine.

Cue loud shouting, "I know what I'm doing, I've run a house before" and so on. Leave her to it, BiL duly arrives and spends most of the day cutting branches, I drag off a few and leave the rest for gardener on Monday morning. Turns out it's an all day job and then some, not just five minutes with a light saber.

BiL sent home full of ale and curry, and very quiet SWCNS spends evening avoiding me and making zero eye contact.
Look at it from her perspective.

She only puts 5 minutes into it*, therefore it's only a 5 minute job.

So she's right and you're wrong.

As normal.

*Noticing the job needs doing, phoning BiL and arguing with you telling you you are wrong.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
You’ve raised the ago-old philosophical question there: ‘If a man says something when his wife isn’t there to hear him, is he still wrong?’.

Of course.
 
Mine is the exact opposite. She's totally fixated on getting anywhere early - really early. Last week we had dental appointments at 11.30, and she wanted me to put the alarm on at 07.00 'to make sure we got there on time' (1 mile or less).
When gauging a job or appointment, she vastly overestimates; her regular 09.20 Warfarin INR blood test that takes no more than 30 minutes, door to door, means nothing else can be attempted that morning. It would be that day, if I didn't do my nut.
 

Blogg

LE
Much muttering and swearing about her iPhone. Doesn't work properly etc etc.

Wassap? Can make calls and send/receive SMS but cannot receive calls. Been happening for a while and people are getting shitty with her. Grrrrr mumble seethe.

20 seconds later I have switched the call forwarding function off

Eventually found the old PAYG phone it was forwarding to. In centre box of my car and battery long dead.

Put it on charge and.. she spends quite a while ploughing through the voicemails which date back to mid December.

And yes it is somehow all my fault.
 
We flew into Finland yesterday. I had the Covid test result and proof of vaccination on my phone and printed just in case. Advised Mrs Shiny_arrse to do the same. Apparently, that was too much hassle so hers is just on the phone. Cue me sailing through Border Control, then having to wait while she cannot get the covid test app to open. She switched Flight mode off as soon as she went to the back of the queue.
 

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