how bone is your missus.

Her Ladyship Senior's hairdryer blew up last night. Nothing serious, the wiring has been dodgy for a while but I can't get in to rewire it as it has security screws rather than normal ones.

No worries, Christmas is sorted. I have asked for a set of security screwdrivers.

I'm not stupid enough to buy her a new feckin' hairdryer. I'd never hear the last of it!
 
The trick there is to wrap it so it's obvious what it is but put her real present (a little jewellers box with a nice pendant or ear-rings or whatever, for example) in the pan before wrapping it. She carps off when you hand it to her, being an obvious shape. Eventually, when you can get a word in, suggest that instead of being an ingrate bitch she unwrap it. Out falls the jewellers box, she picks it up, opens it....

...and then every year, for the rest of her/your* life, you get to guilt trip remind her of it instead.


* Whichever comes first.
What buy a frying pan without her approval?
Madness, utter and complete madness!
You would inevitably buy her the wrong one if she wasn't there to choose it.
 

Old Stab

LE
Book Reviewer
Not the Mrs but the 25 year old stepdaughter.
Now bear in mind I had to have my lad put to sleep at the beginning of October..

She's seen Two Bull Mastiffs for sale and has said she'll pay for it, bills etc etc etc.. Yeah right, she's going to look after it... Yeah right..

Which bit of "I don't want another fecking dog" don't you seem to understand.

Apparently I'm Angry for no reason at all...




(looks like we'll be having another Mastiff as the long haired OC will side with her long haired offspring)
 
Not the Mrs but the 25 year old stepdaughter.
Now bear in mind I had to have my lad put to sleep at the beginning of October..

She's seen Two Bull Mastiffs for sale and has said she'll pay for it, bills etc etc etc.. Yeah right, she's going to look after it... Yeah right..

Which bit of "I don't want another fecking dog" don't you seem to understand.

Apparently I'm Angry for no reason at all...




(looks like we'll be having another Mastiff as the long haired OC will side with her long haired offspring)
25 year old stepdaughter you say? Post photos of her with the new mutt.
 

wheel

LE
No chance.
She's stunningly pretty, takes after her mum.

I'm not being held responsible for you old farts wanking yourselves to death.
Civvy Scum is not allowed to indulge in self abuse. He is not even allowed to pick his own shoes.
Looking forward to seeing pictures of your new hound.
 
No chance.
She's stunningly pretty, takes after her mum.

I'm not being held responsible for you old farts wanking yourselves to death.
That's a risk I'm sure we are all prepared to take.
 
Right.
Which one of you bastards told her what she's getting for Christmas.

20211208_150000.jpg
 
The last two Christmas presents I've bought for girlfriends have been a cordless drill and a stick blender.


Bought??? Who are you and how did you get Kirkz log in details.
The real Kirkz would type "Found"

Bought as if...
 
Glad to see you’ve gone to the trouble of pixelating your eyes out.
We wouldn’t want anyone recognising you now, would we?
Ah, but it obfuscates the deep soulful misery staring out.
 

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