how bone is your missus.

964ST

LE
Had a meal with the missus last night and aftetwards thought better get rid of them unsightly nose hairs, tissue and a Gerber (which has the blade broken off so its NOT offensive!) and started plucking. Absolutely no concern from the other half!

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Today she appears with this as a gift?

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On the previous evening, There was not an issue till the Waiter anounced that they had a complaint from another table and could I desist.

Does my missus not realise that the buzzing from this tool will be a worse irritant in a restaurant!!

Drama.
 
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Oh dear I think she's miffed at me again.

When it comes our time to shuffle of this mortal coil, herself said that if I turned up my toes first then when her time comes she would like her remains buried next to mine so we'll be together for all time.

Now then on hearing this I reminded her that the marriage contract is only "till death do us part" and she can bugger off and find her own spot instead of bugging the dogs and I in our final resting place.

Jeez even in death it's hard to get rid of them.
 

RBMK

LE
Book Reviewer
Now SWMBO, but my late mother ...

We would be on the way out for the day, usually somewhere like New Brighton, about 45 minutes drive.

It did not matter what time she was told we were leaving, we would always be sat in the car for 20 minutes waiting for her. She would be asked if she was ready and the answer would be something like "I just need to brush my hair and put my coat on..."

None of us including dad had the foggiest idea what she was doing as she never wore much makeup other than a bit of lippy, and always had her hair permed so a couple of minutes with the brush at best. But no, 20 minutes.

We were going to New Brighton. There are cafes and ice cream shops and stuff, and we'd already loaded the car with buckets and spades and the windbreak and the picnic rug.

Fortunately, my old man was a calm and collected type, but even he once went back into the house to find out if she'd had a heart attack and died in the 20 minutes we'd been waiting in the car.
 
Had a meal with the missus last night and aftetwards thought better get rid of them unsightly nose hairs, tissue and a Gerber (which has the blade broken off so its NOT offensive!) and started plucking. Absolutely no concern from the other half!
View attachment 611284
View attachment 611285


Today she appears with this as a gift?

View attachment 611286
On the previous evening, There was not an issue till the Waiter anounced that they had a complaint from another table and could I desist.

Does my missus not realise that the buzzing from this tool will be a worse irritant in a restaurant!!

Drama.

This is you, this is.

 
Had a meal with the missus last night and aftetwards thought better get rid of them unsightly nose hairs, tissue and a Gerber (which has the blade broken off so its NOT offensive!) and started plucking. Absolutely no concern from the other half!

View attachment 611285


Today she appears with this as a gift?

View attachment 611286
On the previous evening, There was not an issue till the Waiter anounced that they had a complaint from another table and could I desist.

Does my missus not realise that the buzzing from this tool will be a worse irritant in a restaurant!!

Drama.
Those trimmers work OK. However, a couple of days later you'll give the old schnoz a wipe and feel something akin to an electric shock as a dozen or so razor sharp, short hairs attack the opposite side of your nostril.
Stick with the pliers.
 
Shall we go in here she says as she walks into a restaurant full of people, most of them with empty tables checking their watches forlornly. We went in there with Mum and Dad should have been a good enough reason to Albert Turner immediately. Suffice to say we left without being served ten minutes later. The has also complained that we haven’t done anything this half term, forgetting that we now have a puppy (that she bought home) and have to find £0000’s to get it home, just when we need a deposit for a house.
 
Back when we were building our home, herself was busy with the interior design of the house. Now personally I couldn't care what she did or how she decorated but when she decided on a white carpet for the house I did point out that white might not be best suited given where we live and there is also the fact we have three dogs.

Well everything I said about having a white carpet came true and tomorrow we have the white carpet being taken up and new carpet put down. I came into the house earlier and she is busy hoovering the old carpet.

When I asked her why she was hoovering because it's coming up tomorrow, she replied that she didn't want it to look dirty when the workmen came in to swap it out. I'm sure there is some sort of logic in there but I'm fecked if I can see it.
 
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Back when we were building our home, herself was busy with the interior design of the house. Now personally I couldn't care what she did or how she decorated but when she decided on a white carpet for the house I did point out that white might not be best suited given where we live and there is also the fact we have three dogs.

Well everything I said about having a white carpet came true and tomorrow we are have the white carpet taken up and new carpet put down. I came into the house earlier and she is busy hoovering the old carpet.

When I asked her why she was hoovering because it's coming up tomorrow, she replied that she didn't want it to look dirty when the workmen came in to swap it out. I'm sure there is some sort of logic in there but I'm fecked if I can see it.

My bold.
It is just like someone who employs a house cleaner and spends hours before the cleaner arrives cleaning the house, so that it does not look dirty when the cleaner starts work.
No, I don't understand either.
 

RTU'd

LE
The ex says she has snared an ex soldier who has a good pension & a nice house all paid for?
She met him dogging at newlands corner, wonder it he has an itch yet?
So who on arrse will admit to it, knowing my ex has had more disease's than a hospital?
 

wheel

LE
The ex says she has snared an ex soldier who has a good pension & a nice house all paid for?
She met him dogging at newlands corner, wonder it he has an itch yet?
So who on arrse will admit to it, knowing my ex has had more disease's than a hospital?
You are obsessed with her you sad git.
How bone are you.
 
My bold.
It is just like someone who employs a house cleaner and spends hours before the cleaner arrives cleaning the house, so that it does not look dirty when the cleaner starts work.
No, I don't understand either.

Oh I just left her to it, fecked if I know or want to know what goes through their minds.
 
The ex says she has snared an ex soldier who has a good pension & a nice house all paid for?
She met him dogging at newlands corner, wonder it he has an itch yet?
So who on arrse will admit to it, knowing my ex has had more disease's than a hospital?
I had a good pension and a nice house paid for.
She now has a nice house paid for and I have half a good pension
 
New bird was moaning they I never give her any warning that we are about to go somewhere and I always want to leave immediately.

I said that I would always give her warning in future








Prepare to move, move

She does find it funny, I think
 

RBMK

LE
Book Reviewer
We have proper oak worktops in the kitchen which need oiling periodically. [Don't ask, her choice, horribly expensive].

This week I've been re-oiling them. As they've not been done for a while it's taken 4 coats with about 12 hours in between each coat. Needless to say, it has to be done one section at a time because the kitchen is in use.

Today we have eaten our evening meal and I am putting the final coat on the largest section. I get the oil on, and am just about ready to remove the excess [messy and requires lots of lint free rags] when she bimbles in to make a cup of tea with the large hairy Lab/Retriever cross who is busy moulting....

She is miffed when I tell her to get out and take muttley with her.

Feck!
 
Well folks if the hoovering thing was the right thing to do in her mind, her further actions, herself not being content with just hoovering, decided to tidy up any dirty marks on an oak staircase.

I walked out of my man cave just in time to see her take her first dip of a new paintbrush into a can of something claiming to be oak some thing or other. I gently much to her concern removed said can and brush from her hands and explained without using any big words, that "there is an easier way to do it with no damage to the wood". *

She was going to put chemicals on a staircase, that I alone built from scratch... the wretch :evil:

* What I actually said was "WTF you intend doing with that? Though I guess you already had that figured out earlier.
 
Well folks if the hoovering thing was the right thing to do in her mind, her further actions, herself not being content with just hoovering, decided to tidy up any dirty marks on an oak staircase.

I walked out of my man cave just in time to see her take her first dip of a new paintbrush into a can of something claiming to be oak some thing or other. I gently much to her concern removed said can and brush from her hands and explained without using any big words, that "there is an easier way to do it with no damage to the wood". *

She was going to put chemicals on a staircase, that I alone built from scratch... the wretch :evil:

* What I actually said was "WTF you intend doing with that? Though I guess you already had that figured out earlier.
So what was she trying to put on the stairs?
 

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