how bone is your missus.

We went to Redcar lzst week for the last warm day. My mrs said that it had changed. I did remark that it did look a bit tidier, but she said, "no, its the beach. Last time we could walk on it. "
Astounded by this bone so bone it would have Time Team in extasy, I simply said "The tide is in"
You should give your good lady a hug.
You could pay a fortune for entertainment of that quality.
 
Mine’s the complete opposite.

If we need to be somewhere that’s a 15 minute drive away, then we’re getting up at 6am to prepare for it and leaving the house at least an hour in advance.
Fancy a swap? We'll split the finances 50/50 as well. Can't say fairer than that...
 
Mine’s the complete opposite.

If we need to be somewhere that’s a 15 minute drive away, then we’re getting up at 6am to prepare for it and leaving the house at least an hour in advance.
Mines pretty much the same, gets very annoyed when I am a little tardy.
However in a cunning twist when I have finally made it out of the house on time she suddenly remembers that she has forgotten something. We are then late and I am annoyed. Mind games!!!!!
 
Mine’s the complete opposite.

If we need to be somewhere that’s a 15 minute drive away, then we’re getting up at 6am to prepare for it and leaving the house at least an hour in advance.
Mine too.
Plus, we had her car MoT'd yesterday at the garage at the end of our road. She decided to come for the walk back.
"What time do we need to leave?"
"5 mins before the booking."
"WHAT?"
"It's 200 yards!"
 
I got so fed up of her crap so I cured herself of the messing around they do when we are supposed to be leaving at a particular time. If we say we are leaving at say 8 am then her arrse had better be on my truck's seat two minutes before 8 am because at exactly 8am I am gone.

The first time I told her this I got the "whatever" and boy she was pissed off when I left without her. The second time I did it she had to drive herself to where we were going, again I got the pissed off attitude and I told her to rant all she wants because I couldn't give a flying feck.

Now she knows I'm serious about it and her arrse has been on the seat when it should be.
 
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Newlands Corner is so yesterday, its Silent Pool now, down the road.
Is you ex mrs a blonde slapper who flashes her bits in Guildford bars?
I was at silent pool with the girlfriend today, I'll have to tell her what she missed. Then again she was fixating on the gin distillery.
 
We're both WFH at the moment with our sh!t Gov-issue laptops. The screen resolution on mine is set to 'normal' whilst hers is enlarged to the extent that text on her screen can be seen from space.
She asks to look at a document I'm typing so I pass over my laptop to her.
<squints at screen>
"God my eyesight's bad. I really should go to the dentist."
"Optician, babe".
"Oh yeah.".
 
We're both WFH at the moment with our sh!t Gov-issue laptops. The screen resolution on mine is set to 'normal' whilst hers is enlarged to the extent that text on her screen can be seen from space.
She asks to look at a document I'm typing so I pass over my laptop to her.
<squints at screen>
"God my eyesight's bad. I really should go to the dentist."
"Optician, babe".
"Oh yeah.".
I bet she'd give her eye teeth for a better laptop....
 
I did a roast on Saturday and as I needed the hob to wilt some Spinach, it wasn't available to rest the tin of spuds on whilst she helped me dish up. I placed it on a plate at the back of the worktop, right in front of her.
It wobbled and she grabbed it. Unfortunately, with her left hand that she can't feel temperature with, following a mild stroke in 2017. Luckily, I yelled at her before she felt anything, and she ran it under the tap. It was sore, but not blistered.
Yesterday, during breakfast, I enquired about her hand. She raised her right hand and gave it a good looking at.
"Still a bit sore."
"Er! Wrong hand."
"Oh! Not too bad, then."
 
I did a roast on Saturday and as I needed the hob to wilt some Spinach, it wasn't available to rest the tin of spuds on whilst she helped me dish up. I placed it on a plate at the back of the worktop, right in front of her.
It wobbled and she grabbed it. Unfortunately, with her left hand that she can't feel temperature with, following a mild stroke in 2017. Luckily, I yelled at her before she felt anything, and she ran it under the tap. It was sore, but not blistered.
Yesterday, during breakfast, I enquired about her hand. She raised her right hand and gave it a good looking at.
"Still a bit sore."
"Er! Wrong hand."
"Oh! Not too bad, then."
Have you considered telling her she's in the wrong house and actually lives 3 doors down?
 
She'd never find her way there.

You can also forget about dropping her off somewhere as well. It's been tried but they always find their way home.

They just ain't much good at taking the hint no matter how obvious it is.
 
This afternoon we picked the sprogs up from school and started our usual conversation where they tell us what they’ve been up to.

It transpires that the boy can take his bike to school so we discuss the logistics of getting said bike there.

The wife pipes up with:

“How will we get it in the car?”

I reply:

“It’s no big deal I’ll just take the front wheel off.”

There is stunned silence for a couple of seconds.

“How will that help?”

“The bike will be smaller so it’ll fit in the boot.”

“Oh I thought you meant take the front wheel off the car.”
Now I am not saying that generations of inbreeding in the aristo’s leads to a lowering of intelligence. But are you sure that it was your stunning looks and dynamite wit that caught her eye rather than a chance to deepen the family gene pool?
 

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