how bone is your missus.

Just now...

To set the scene, I'm half watching Marr on BBC, half perusing these fine pages sitting in the living room at the front of the house. The sun is out in Scotland, the weather pleasant. The dogs and cat are nowhere to be seen and the back door (not visible from my chair) is open.

Other Half: "He missed that one."
Me: "Eh?"
OH: He missed it."
Me: "Who missed what?"
OH: "Tinker (the cat)"
Me, trying to draw the blood from the stone: "Tinker missed what?"
OH: "The bird. He jumped for it and the bird flew off."
Me: "Oh. How was I supposed to know what you meant by the random "He missed that one"?"
OH: "Well, you should have known what I meant...."
Me: "........................"
I'd swear they think we have some super power that allows us to read their minds or view the world through their eye sockets.
<imagine that . . . . shudder>.

Worse still they may think we can do this because they can.

Nah! Maybe not. She'd have murdered me in my sleep by now if she could do that.
 

Hairy-boab

Old-Salt
Not my wife, but had the neighbours round for drinks in the garden last night. Madam was talking about places she would like to visit, and came up with Yugoslavia!

She was utterly puzzled as her husband patiently explained this was now impossible. Last time they came around, she was amazed to hear that the UK had left the EU....
 

sunny james

War Hero
Not my wife, but had the neighbours round for drinks in the garden last night. Madam was talking about places she would like to visit, and came up with Yugoslavia!

She was utterly puzzled as her husband patiently explained this was now impossible. Last time they came around, she was amazed to hear that the UK had left the EU....
They walk amongst us.

And they get to vote.
 
Moving drawers and wardrobes in Daughters bedroom the other day to allow a new gas pipe to be run.
I explain to Major Sunray that the wardrobe will need emptying of the double stack of clothes that's in there as its not a shipping crate.
Top rung of clothing is passed to her while I grumble about the amount of clothes and ask how much actually fits her now, only to be told she went through it the other week.
I move onto the bottom rung.
Major Sunray is now getting bored of having to take a few items at a time and comes out with:

'Just lift out the rail and pass that to me and we can leave everything on there'.
And light of my life, what do you intend to do with the rung?
'
Just give it here and I'll hang it up'.
Where?

I get the look.

I pass the rail of clothes.

She stands there with the rail in her hands looking for the magic sky hooks that she was intent on hanging the clothes rail on. Then just dumps the whole thing in a corner.

And what was the point in that? I ask.

I get the other look.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Moving drawers and wardrobes in Daughters bedroom the other day to allow a new gas pipe to be run.
I explain to Major Sunray that the wardrobe will need emptying of the double stack of clothes that's in there as its not a shipping crate.
Top rung of clothing is passed to her while I grumble about the amount of clothes and ask how much actually fits her now, only to be told she went through it the other week.
I move onto the bottom rung.
Major Sunray is now getting bored of having to take a few items at a time and comes out with:

'Just lift out the rail and pass that to me and we can leave everything on there'.
And light of my life, what do you intend to do with the rung?
'
Just give it here and I'll hang it up'.
Where?

I get the look.

I pass the rail of clothes.

She stands there with the rail in her hands looking for the magic sky hooks that she was intent on hanging the clothes rail on. Then just dumps the whole thing in a corner.

And what was the point in that? I ask.

I get the other look.

Mrs F was sorting some clothes yesterday. I was passing, offered to hold the hangers of the stuff she was pulling out.
Got look and "I can do it"
Returned shortly after to observe the attempt to disentangle what appeared to be at least 5 hangers in her hand in a tangle with 3 or 4 still on rail.
I continued walking.
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Mrs F was sorting some clothes yesterday. I was passing, offered to hold the hangers of the stuff she was pulling out.
Got look and "I can do it"
Returned shortly after to observe the attempt to disentangle what appeared to be at least 5 hangers in her hand in a tangle with 3 or 4 still on rail.
I continued walking.
Wise man speaks!
 

Blogg

LE
Much flapping around this morning.

Eventually: "Right I am off. Back tomorrow evening."

Off she goes, late as usual and in a panic. I immediately call to alert her to fact she has left something behind.

No reply. Just goes to voicemail

Some hours later phone rings.

"Is my work laptop bag there? Sure I picked up but not in car!"

"Yes my angel, as is your laptop up to a certain point at least. When you reversed back a bit in order to swing out past my car, did you by any chance hear a distant crunching noise?"

"What did I hit that stupid low wall
agai....oh shit...."
 
She's on Warfarin following a heart op and it has to be monitored to ensure her INR is between limits. It's been high (too thin) for a while and the clinic is trying to get it right. At our normal Vampire's, I make her a 9.25 appointment, timed just before the first courier run that ensures an early phone call with the dosage. Last week it was still high so they wanted another bloodbath in 7 days. This meant we couldn't get a slot at the nearest location. The next closest could only do a 9.35, so I took it and duly reported to the chief scribe, who inscribed it on the blessed calendar, which is regularly consulted as countdown to the big event proceeds.
Today, the alarm was set for 7a.m. to ensure we're up in time (not necessary) and I'm chivied along to make sure I'm ready to leave at the unnecessarily early time to leave, to drive the 1 mile to the clinic.
We arrive, predictably early and she goes into the lobby (2 persons only; Covid, y'know) to wait her turn. I see her from the parking bay having a chat with a Captain Tom look-a-like.
Apparently, part of the conversation went something like this:
CT: "I'm at 09.30, what time are you?"
W: "09.25."
At that point Vampira comes out and calls the old boy in.
W: "But I'm 09.25, you have got me, haven't you?"
V: "Yes, 09.35."

The next thing I know is 'erself, very disgruntled, getting in the car.
"Sod you, my appointment was 09.35, not 09.25, I queried it and was wrong. It was embarrassing so I told them I was going to give you a thump!"
Obviously, being wrong I apologized, making a mental note to check the calendar as soon as we got home.

Oh! Joy!
09.35
 
On our way to London for a few days. Just as we get to the train station, "I can't remember if I've turned the iron off".

Apparently me saying it was too late to go back and I'd never let her forget if the house burned down was the wrong thing to say. Must go, just about to get on the train.
 

NSP

LE
On our way to London for a few days. Just as we get to the train station, "I can't remember if I've turned the iron off".

Apparently me saying it was too late to go back and I'd never let her forget if the house burned down was the wrong thing to say. Must go, just about to get on the train.
You should've said, "Not to worry; I left the shower running."
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
On our way to London for a few days. Just as we get to the train station, "I can't remember if I've turned the iron off".

Apparently me saying it was too late to go back and I'd never let her forget if the house burned down was the wrong thing to say. Must go, just about to get on the train.

Our iron turns itself off if not used.
Different times for if left horizontally or vertical.
 
Our iron turns itself off if not used.
Different times for if left horizontally or vertical.
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We've had a leaking gutter for a while and the missus determined that it was blocked at the downpipe outlow.
Sick of waiting for me to sort it out she got her trowel and began to excavate the outflow.
She found that the downpipe went into another short section of pipe.
After some effort she managed to separate the two sections with a satisfying pop as the suction broke.
Then 20 feet of gravity assisted foul water blasted into the small hole she had dug covering her head to foot.
Suggesting that we reenact the scene for "You've Been Framed" was apparently not the right thing to say.

As an after thought I would normally get serious shit for an incident of this nature. However she must feel that in this case her boneness is indisputable and so nothing has been said.
 
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