how bone is your missus.

Blogg

LE
Sandals?


Good grief.


Kill.yourself, now.
Sound advice.

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RBMK

LE
Book Reviewer
I've had a very busy few days.
Cleaned the patio and path for the 1st time in 12 years... first having to move the 50 or so plant pots to a safe location, then move the patio furniture. Then jet wash the patio, then re-point said patio. I have a dodgy knee after having a cartlidge snipped 30-odd years ago so by the end of the day, I'm suffering.

Then we get a text from a [female] friend who has bought a narrow boat so we pootle off down there. Only said friend is a mechanical incompetent who has bought a 40 year old 35' boat, which, to be fair needs a little TLC but is serviceable especially as she's had the engine worked over.

Only.... she doesn't know how to start the engine and has only seen the boat twice in 6 months due to Covid. The boat is powered by a single Lister. The boat has no instructions. I, however, have practical experience of single cylinder Diesel donks. I therefore spend most of my Sunday afternoon with my head in the engine compartment and my arrse in the air going through the boat and teaching her how to start the donk plus check oil, fuel (dipstick) etc. I get it started on the 3rd try having sussed the unlabelled electrical cut-out and remembered the decompression lever. I also find the gear lever as the boat owner doesn't realise that there is a removable gear lever which you have to fit before the boat will move... While I'm doing this SWMBO is swigging tea and sunning herself at the bow.

Monday, I'm out on surveying large former DSG site at sparrow fart and I clock my 10k steps before lunch. I get home just before 5pm, sit down with a coffee and 2 minutes after I've sat down she starts wibbling on about how she can't do any more in the garden because she needs me to hump several bags of compost and large plant pots (full ones) around so she can plant the free pack of wild flowers....FFS
 

Teeblerone

War Hero
She decided to come with me to the supermarket this afternoon.
"Let's have a look at the clothing section", she says as we walk in.
"Oh joy unrestrained", I thought, with a sinking heart.

I endured a whole minute of this "fun" then announced I was off to look for a pair of sandals. One can but hope for a nice summer, eh? Wandered off, found a pair, chucked them in the trolley. Take particular note - they were the only item in the trolley. I then decided I needed a piss, so I went back to where she was aimlessly fondling the clobber and gave her the trolley to look after whilst I went to the bogs.

I came back to find her two aisles away from where I'd left her. As we met back up she says, "Did you get some sandals then?" Once more your correspondent's jaw impacts the floor as I silently pointed to the sandals in the trolley she'd been pushing around for the last 3 or 4 minutes.

Proving, if proof were needed, that the female brain is not in use when shopping.
Data aquisition, not analysis.
That costs extra...
 

Londo

LE
Logic from my Mrs
We are in the car , her driving as I'm still off the road awaiting my eye op. (thanks covid , been a year now) and we are on a narrow country road .
Now on this road is a very nasty hump , been getting worse the last 3 or 4 years as the road is on peat which is gradually drying out .
Forgot to mention we have been driving this road once every 3 or 3 weeks for the last 10 years or more .
Now this hump is very visible due to the road signs on either side saying 'hump' and the large amount of gouges cut into the road surface by vehicles bottoming out .
The hump needs to be taken at less than 5MPH in my opinion so as we approached it to remind her I said hump .
Over we went at about 40 and as all four wheels touched back on terra firma I'm thinking it's a good thing they invented seat belts else I would be extracting myself from the footwell and I exclaimed "bloody hell"

She responded with and I quote
" It's YOUR fault you distracted me"

AAARRRGGGHHH !!!
 
Or to put it in simple terms, she's never wrong, you're never right, in their mind anyway. Me I just call them dopey no matter how smart they are.
Just nod, smile and **** off to the pub. Worked for last 25 years. Say nothing, just acknowledge whatever drivel has come out of her mouth, do not react as that causes grief. Just a brief "Ok,see you in a bit" is sufficient. Tried and tested.
 
Ah if only us guys has the same power as Wiz.

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Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
Excellent! We had some - and brown ones.
Odd, they seemed to like to come into the house and sit beside or just behind the sofa. And eat the dog's biscuits. Sitting there, quietly chuntering away to themselves..
edit: and a hilariously offended-yet-dignified waddle to the back door when spotted
They do like to pop into the house every now and then. Sometimes they seem to be checking that there is none of their kin in the oven...
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Generally though, the animals all seem to get on well. I'll bet there's not many pictures showing two dogs and a kitten sharing a bed, with a wee white duck determined to be part of the picture.
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I've had a very busy few days.
Cleaned the patio and path for the 1st time in 12 years... first having to move the 50 or so plant pots to a safe location, then move the patio furniture. Then jet wash the patio, then re-point said patio. I have a dodgy knee after having a cartlidge snipped 30-odd years ago so by the end of the day, I'm suffering.

Then we get a text from a [female] friend who has bought a narrow boat so we pootle off down there. Only said friend is a mechanical incompetent who has bought a 40 year old 35' boat, which, to be fair needs a little TLC but is serviceable especially as she's had the engine worked over.

Only.... she doesn't know how to start the engine and has only seen the boat twice in 6 months due to Covid. The boat is powered by a single Lister. The boat has no instructions. I, however, have practical experience of single cylinder Diesel donks. I therefore spend most of my Sunday afternoon with my head in the engine compartment and my arrse in the air going through the boat and teaching her how to start the donk plus check oil, fuel (dipstick) etc. I get it started on the 3rd try having sussed the unlabelled electrical cut-out and remembered the decompression lever. I also find the gear lever as the boat owner doesn't realise that there is a removable gear lever which you have to fit before the boat will move... While I'm doing this SWMBO is swigging tea and sunning herself at the bow.

Monday, I'm out on surveying large former DSG site at sparrow fart and I clock my 10k steps before lunch. I get home just before 5pm, sit down with a coffee and 2 minutes after I've sat down she starts wibbling on about how she can't do any more in the garden because she needs me to hump several bags of compost and large plant pots (full ones) around so she can plant the free pack of wild flowers....FFS

Extend the patio. I believe the resulting peace and quiet is most soothing.
 

Blogg

LE
Rudely disturbed this morning.

"Gaaahhhh internet not working! Sort it! Now! Something I need to check.:

Sun isn't even up.

FFS. Few moments to discover power cut in progress. Nothing to be done but wait

"Use your phone on 4G"

"Can't. Battery dead."

Sigh. Fetch my power bank, plug in and...dead. WTF?

"Oh I could not find my charger so have been using that"

There are mains USB chargers scattered about the house, including a contactless induction unit which her iPhone can use.

But no. Could not find "her" charger and so no other would do. Apart from my 26800 mAh power bank kept for contingency of course
 
Rudely disturbed this morning.

"Gaaahhhh internet not working! Sort it! Now! Something I need to check.:

Sun isn't even up.

FFS. Few moments to discover power cut in progress. Nothing to be done but wait

"Use your phone on 4G"

"Can't. Battery dead."

Sigh. Fetch my power bank, plug in and...dead. WTF?

"Oh I could not find my charger so have been using that"

There are mains USB chargers scattered about the house, including a contactless induction unit which her iPhone can use.

But no. Could not find "her" charger and so no other would do. Apart from my 26800 mAh power bank kept for contingency of course
So, how did it go when you pointed out that it's her own stupid fault?
 
One of the rare occasions that Mrs actually drives her car and I am the passenger, watch out for that pot hole I warn ..... bang to ******* late. Bugger she says I hit that every time I come down this road. The road is on her daily commute FFS
My dad used to hit every pot hole, because the daft old git looks at them, instead of the road that isn't pot hole he should be aiming for.
Though this pales compared to him nearly wiping out the entire family in Edinburgh when I was about 8, as he drifted into oncoming traffic while looking at trees on the opposite side of the road whilst muttering "Dutch Elm Disease". I remember us getting the train back form Haymarket with my mum and dad camping on the couch for a couple of days after that one.
 

napier

LE
Moderator
Kit Reviewer
Bless her cotton socks. Currently in Wiltshire keeping an eye on my Mum following an operation. GF offers to come down to help out. I pick her up from Chippenham station and, due to roadworks on the A4, take her the scenic route to Mum's house. As we crest a hill I point out the Cherhill White Horse - admittedly at a distance.
'Is it man made?'
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