how bone is your missus.

SWMBO: I've got my cardiology hospital appointment at 12:40, are you coming with me ?
Me: Of course.
We get to the hospital, navigate our way to cardiology, geezer wearing mask and gloves behind perspex screen and plastic chains for keeping plebs 2meters away takes SWMBO's letter.
Geezer: Can't find you on the system, I think you need to go to out-patients over the road.
SWMBO: No. it says on the letter this department.
Geezer: Oh yes you're right Madam, the wrong bit is the date, you're a month early ! It says March on the letter.
Me: (Sotto voce) FFS.
SWMBO: Well, there's a lot of twos on the letter so I must've thought February. They should've written it words !
Me: (Sotto voce) And breathe. Well it got us out and about anyway.
Funny enough I guess but frankly...what would it have taken just to get her stabbed anyhow?
One less later on.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
Yesterday, (and allowing that I never use the thing):

Her - The remote for the Fire Stick isn't working.
Me - Put some new batteries in it then.
Her - mutter, mutter, mutter.

Got an email just now, "Your Amazon order will be delivered today".

Me - What have you bought off Amazon?
Her - A new remote for the Fire Stick.
Me - The new batteries didn't work then?
Her - I didn't try any, it was easier to order a new remote online.

I have now recovered and my jaw is no longer on the floor.
Although my head is still spinning somewhat.
At least she orders things, mines a crafty twat, or at least she thinks she is.

The dog likes small toys he can chase, remote controlled cars, clockwork mice that sort of thing.

She finds these things on Amazon and then over the next few weeks occasionally pipes up.
"Oh look at that, he'd chase that around all day etc"

Until I suggest she orders it then she'll go quiet. They're all less than £10 but will she buy them? Like hell she will but keeps badgering me to get them.

Anyway, I was ordering something for my daughter's birthday yesterday and she looks over.
" Oh, have you placed your order yet?"

"Just this second, why?"

" I was just thinking, as you're on Amazon you could have ordered those wind up mice for the dog."

I gave her a look full of disapproval, and without anger but lashings of disappointment:
"As I'm on Amazon? Are you effing baiting me? You've shown me those things on your phone about 6 times in the past fortnight but you didn't think to order them but keep shoving it in my face dropping subtle hints."

Slow shake of the head.
"Thats a real cnuts trick to be honest, they're only £6.99, you've had Amazon packages for yourself delivered here every other day recently so I know you've been shopping but are too stingy to buy the dog a toy. Just thought you'd get me to buy them?"

A minute later:
"Right then, 3 wind up toy mice on their way. Didnt take long did it?"

How I managed to keep the smile off my face, especially as I paid using the joint account.
She remained stoney faced throughout, knowing better than to try to make an issue out of it, for once.

Maybe they do have a modicum of shame and self awareness at times.

Maybe.
 
I'm on radio silence at this moment in time. Not because of anything I've said or done/not done. She's wrong...she knows it and it's pi$$ng her off big time.
 
R6 is the JC counter-terrorism schtick, based on a joint US/Euro CT unit based out of that place known for its colourful boathouse, isn't it? (I can't be arsed to go dig it out of the cupboard and read the back-cover blurb but I know it's in there somewhere). All his techno-thrillers are rocket-riders, in my opinion. You've just got to be in the mood, have time to read a page-turner that's four inches thick, is all!!!
That's the one.

Maybe I liked it because it took place at the 2000 Sydney Olympics and I happened to be reading it exactly at the same time I was reading in the book (I was reading the climax at the Olympic closing ceremony in the book while the real closing ceremony was taking place).
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
At least she orders things, mines a crafty twat, or at least she thinks she is.

The dog likes small toys he can chase, remote controlled cars, clockwork mice that sort of thing.

She finds these things on Amazon and then over the next few weeks occasionally pipes up.
"Oh look at that, he'd chase that around all day etc"

Until I suggest she orders it then she'll go quiet. They're all less than £10 but will she buy them? Like hell she will but keeps badgering me to get them.

Anyway, I was ordering something for my daughter's birthday yesterday and she looks over.
" Oh, have you placed your order yet?"

"Just this second, why?"

" I was just thinking, as you're on Amazon you could have ordered those wind up mice for the dog."

I gave her a look full of disapproval, and without anger but lashings of disappointment:
"As I'm on Amazon? Are you effing baiting me? You've shown me those things on your phone about 6 times in the past fortnight but you didn't think to order them but keep shoving it in my face dropping subtle hints."

Slow shake of the head.
"Thats a real cnuts trick to be honest, they're only £6.99, you've had Amazon packages for yourself delivered here every other day recently so I know you've been shopping but are too stingy to buy the dog a toy. Just thought you'd get me to buy them?"

A minute later:
"Right then, 3 wind up toy mice on their way. Didnt take long did it?"

How I managed to keep the smile off my face, especially as I paid using the joint account.
She remained stoney faced throughout, knowing better than to try to make an issue out of it, for once.

Maybe they do have a modicum of shame and self awareness at times.

Maybe.
You do realise it will be all your fault when the dog gets a small bit of clockwork mouse stuck in its throat? :rolleyes:
 
I'm on radio silence at this moment in time. Not because of anything I've said or done/not done. She's wrong...she knows it and it's pi$$ng her off big time.
Dusty in here, I'm so proud of you for being so lucky as to be on radio silence.
 
Dusty in here, I'm so proud of you for being so lucky as to be on radio silence.

Thank you mate and commiserations if your good lady is still giving you earache. Mine has been silent since Monday night. She's fired off a few pings my way but got no returns.

I like silence! :twisted: I don't have to listen to inane crap about people and their offspring whom I have never met and have no desire to do so.
 
You do realise it will be all your fault when the dog gets a small bit of clockwork mouse stuck in its throat? :rolleyes:
We've ready got one but it's starting to look a bit shabby.
Its interesting watching him stalk, stun and then kill the thing.
Its when he settles down to chew its head off after a successful hunt you have to step in.
 
0830 random question from Major Sunray.

What's that film with Kevin Costner in?
What film?
'That one he's in.'
He's made quite a few.
You know the one I mean.
How??
Why not stop pulling faces and help me?
Would you like to narrow it down a bit?
Its the Sci-fi one where he's getting chased by the bad guys in cars.
The Postman?
No that's not it. I want to say Waterboys but that's not right.
Waterworld?
Yes that's it.
But their aren't any cars in Waterworld.
That's the one I was thinking of!!
But they're all boats. You know, Waterworld?
Well they looked like cars to me!

At that point I adopt the wise course of remaining silent.
 

Kirkz

LE
0830 random question from Major Sunray.

What's that film with Kevin Costner in?
What film?
'That one he's in.'
He's made quite a few.
You know the one I mean.
How??
Why not stop pulling faces and help me?
Would you like to narrow it down a bit?
Its the Sci-fi one where he's getting chased by the bad guys in cars.
The Postman?
No that's not it. I want to say Waterboys but that's not right.
Waterworld?
Yes that's it.
But their aren't any cars in Waterworld.
That's the one I was thinking of!!
But they're all boats. You know, Waterworld?
Well they looked like cars to me!

At that point I adopt the wise course of remaining silent.
They could have been amphicars.
 

OneTenner

LE
Book Reviewer
Careful, you could get done by the environmental enforcement people. Make sure the body is well weighted down, apparently wrapping in chicken wire first isn't a bad idea.
Nils Dickman walt
 
They could have been amphicars.
Yeess.
But lets face it it could have been Robin Hood the way their minds work.
 

Blogg

LE
22.30 Mrs B's phone pings. And then again & again.

WhatsApp messages, loads of them.

Seems that yesterday she joined the local Neighbourhood Watch WhatsApp Alert group.

Puts phone on silent and it just sits there buzzing.

"Aren't you going to find out what all that is about?"

"No it could be something nasty and then I might not be able to sleep"

My obvious response was apparently the result of my just not understanding. Again.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
She's had a picture frame delivered today, about 18 inches square. Sat there with it on her lap trying to fit the poster in it and failing good style. Her knees knock the glass up out of the frame, the poster curls up and the backing piece is so tight it keeps snagging on the fold-down tab things that hold everything in place.

Getting a bit frustrated she was. Oh dear, how sad, etc.

"Why don't you put it on a flat surface?" sez I. So off she toddles into the back room. A few seconds later, "Arrgghh, this bloody thing!" So I go in, don't say a word and fit it in about 5 seconds, leaving her to fold down the holding-in tab things.

Anything slightly technical or in need of the application of an ounce of common sense and it's beyond them, don't you find?
 
Last edited:
She's had a picture frame delivered today, about 18 inches square. Sat there with it on her lap trying to fit the poster in it and failing good style. Her knees knock the glass up out of the frame, the poster curls up and the backing piece is so tight it keeps snagging on the fold-down tab things that hold everything in place.

Getting a bit frustrated she was. Oh dear, how sad, etc.

"Why don't you put it on a flat surface?" sex I. So off she toddles into the back room. A few seconds later, "Arrgghh, this bloody thing!" So I go in, don't say a word and fit it in about 5 seconds, leaving her to fold down the holding-in tab things.

Anything slightly technical or in need of the application of an ounce of common sense and it's beyond them, don't you find?

And you think we are going to fall for that one, O Purple One?
 
There was a bit of a bang in Exeter this week. It was on the news with a caption along the lines of "Debris thrown 250m"

Swmbo "is that 250 miles or 250 metres"

I just looked at her over the top of my glasses..

Swmbo "oh **** off.. And don't you dare put it on Arrse"
 

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