how bone is your missus.

[Stainmaster]

Missus busy laying tiles in the utility room floor, 18 square metres. About 162, 30 cm (one foot) tiles.
Congratulated her on a sterling effort which it is and she is making a great job of it.
"What a shame I've had to work over the last 6 days as I would have loved to help!!!"

Abbreviated statement expletives deleted,

"If I had a ******* choice I would have chosen ******* eggs, a **** sight less painful to lay."

Anyway If anyone needs a top tiler ask her yourself, I will be taking cover.

You lucky bastard.

 

[ancienturion]

well at least ive got a girl

Yeah, but where?
I think they went out of business.

 

[Kirkz]

Mate tell me about it. We have damp issues in the bathroom. I open the Windows to get a bit of a draft. Return to find the windows shut as she doesn't want them open as it may get dusty or insects may get in (we live in Dubai). Then proceed to moan about the damp.
Aslo complains that the ac isn't working. I point out that it's set to a higher temp than the ambient air temperature (at night) and that it's working as a heater when that happens. Apparently science is optional when making decisions about what is broken/not working.

Red hot days in summer, doors and windows open to create a through draft, lad walks in and closes door.
Middle of winter freezing cold and chucking it down plus blowing a hooley, lad walks in leaves door wide open walks through to his room leaving all doors open and when asked why says "I'm going straight out again.

 

[RBMK]

We have a double oven set up with the top one being a combination oven / grill / microwave. Both ovens have clock/timers which are on all the time. We had the kitchen rebuilt about 12 months ago including adding separate isolation switches for the two ovens and the hob. The units are expensive AEG posh ones.

"The top oven isn't working -- look the clock has gone off"

She is indeed correct, there is no power to the top oven, although the lower oven is still showing the time.
She is obviously upset about this, but it's obviously not an electrical fault in the wiring.
Cue mumbling from madam about it must be broken...

Knowing SWMBO's prediliction for cramming as much crap as she can into any available cupboard, I open the cupboard above the cookers, remove the random crap rammed in there .... and turn the switch back on which was turned off when she shoved the door closed to make the excess crap fit.

I redistribute the crap so that it actually fits into the cupboard without pressing on the switch.

Cue a period of blessed silence.

 

[Joshua Slocum]

Yeah, but where?
I think they went out of business.

she can bloody stay there as well

Kalamazoo, MI 10-Day Weather Forecast - The Weather Channel | Weather.com

Be prepared with the most accurate 10-day forecast for Kalamazoo, MI with highs, lows, chance of precipitation from The Weather Channel and Weather.com

weather.com

 

[ericferret]

A friend of mine had the same problem
I installed one of these, its self powered, and arms as soon as you take the bluetooth key away
took a bit of thinking about but it works
oddly the last time it chirped the tractor had been moved about 6 feet in the dutch barn, almost as if some one was planning to come back for it

Motorcycle Tracker

The smart tracker for motorcycles

monimoto.com

if you have a building with power and wifi nearby then a small camera would also be useful as it will indicate movement
PM me if you need some help

I installed one of these in an out of the way place, helps a little.
Trouble is they often winch straight on to a trailer to keep the noise down.
Useful if you have a stealable car as well.
On our tractor it is hidden under the L/H side and not visible.
The key is removeable and gets taken out with the ignition key.
Less than £10.
Every little helps!!!

U

 

[ericferret]

We have a double oven set up with the top one being a combination oven / grill / microwave. Both ovens have clock/timers which are on all the time. We had the kitchen rebuilt about 12 months ago including adding separate isolation switches for the two ovens and the hob. The units are expensive AEG posh ones.

"The top oven isn't working -- look the clock has gone off"

She is indeed correct, there is no power to the top oven, although the lower oven is still showing the time.
She is obviously upset about this, but it's obviously not an electrical fault in the wiring.
Cue mumbling from madam about it must be broken...

Knowing SWMBO's prediliction for cramming as much crap as she can into any available cupboard, I open the cupboard above the cookers, remove the random crap rammed in there .... and turn the switch back on which was turned off when she shoved the door closed to make the excess crap fit.

I redistribute the crap so that it actually fits into the cupboard without pressing on the switch.

Cue a period of blessed silence.

"Vacuum cleaners packed up."

Fair enough it was a second hand one given to us and of indeterminate age.

Looked on ebay and a new replacement would be circa £120.
Realised that it was a pre E.U regs change i.e 1200 watts I think the limit is about 640 now.
Also noted that replacement motors were available £30.
So worth a go.

Tooling required one phillips screw driver to remove 7 screws,

Opened it up, no burning smell, realised that the slip rings were covered in crap.
Cleaned same, reassemble and hey presto.

Less than a hours work.

You wonder how much stuff goes into the tip with no real faults.

 

[ancienturion]

she can bloody stay there as well

Kalamazoo, MI 10-Day Weather Forecast - The Weather Channel | Weather.com

Be prepared with the most accurate 10-day forecast for Kalamazoo, MI with highs, lows, chance of precipitation from The Weather Channel and Weather.com

weather.com

I was thinking more of this one which was popular in the fifties.

In 1664, Sir Samuel Morland produced a calculating machine to add, subtract, multiply and divide. He also produced a pocket-sized machine.
In 1904, his descendant, Oliver Morland, head of the English printing house of Morland & Impey Ltd; heard of a loose-leaf binder - constructed on a flexible thong principle - which had just been invented in Kalamazoo, Michigan, USA. He acquired world rights, excluding North and South America.
The English company then began production of the loose-leaf binder and, because of its birthplace, gave it the trade name of "Kalamazoo".

 

[NSP]

No but a bridge might cause problems, Shirley?

I suspect that that idea is but a pipe dream, really.

 

[Kirkz]

"Vacuum cleaners packed up."

Fair enough it was a second hand one given to us and of indeterminate age.

Looked on ebay and a new replacement would be circa £120.
Realised that it was a pre E.U regs change i.e 1200 watts I think the limit is about 640 now.
Also noted that replacement motors were available £30.
So worth a go.

Tooling required one phillips screw driver to remove 7 screws,

Opened it up, no burning smell, realised that the slip rings were covered in crap.
Cleaned same, reassemble and hey presto.

Less than a hours work.

You wonder how much stuff goes into the tip with no real faults.

I've got 2 Dyson vacuums, one is an upright ball type the other is a cordless hand held, the ex Mrs, my eldest and an ex GF all have upright dyson ball vacuums that I've liberated from skips, cleaned out the filter etc and given them, I've also sold several to people via online sites.

 

[Bosscat]

Just now,

Gruppenfuhrer, (attempting to start the crossword thingy in the daily mail Saturday magazine) 'Mick Jagger, is that spelt M I C K'?

Me, yes babe, how else would you spell Mick?

Gruppenfuhrer ' oh doesn't matter' (as she shows me a pic of Bob Geldof)

 

[wheel]

I am sitting quietly watching TV Mrs W turns up. Why are you watching Mr Bean he is rubbish.
Me: Its not Mr Bean its Johnny English.
Mrs W: Well it looks like Mr Bean.
Me: Deciding to take the piss, have you ever heard Mr Bean talk ?.
Mrs: Whats that got to do with it ?.
Me: Its Rowan Atkinson.
Mrs W: Well I still think it looks like Mr Bean.
FFS

 

[Civvy Scum]

On the way back from visiting Dad just now, "Oooo, we need to stop at the post box and post these cards."
So I pulled up at the post box. She went to hand me the envelopes.
"Why are you doing that, the post box is on your side of the car, no more than 3 steps away?"
So, huffily, out of the car she gets to post them.
Which she proceeds to do.
One.
At.
A.
Time.

Allowing there's no rational answer to this but, how do their minds work?

 

[lastwalt]

I suspect that that idea is but a pipe dream, really.

Ah, so you think it’ll be a tunnel...

 

[Joshua Slocum]

I have emptied all of my remaining kit out of the car ( left the rest in a clients garage in case of snow)
gave the car a hoover
my wife said why are you bothering to empty it ?
in case a local mong takes me out early tommorow, then its just a shell
where are you going ?
to take the car to the bodyshop to have some paint defects sorted
is it worth it ? he might not open with this snow ??
You remember the bloke your brother used to take his rally cars to, and also did a lot of rallying ?
yes
thats him
I think his truck will be there at 8 am

 

[Sam The Bam]

Allowing there's no rational answer to this but, how do their minds work?

Even the book in the photo below has no answer to this. I've found that to switch off and ignore them when they start chuntering works best for me.

 

[Wightsparker]

Allowing there's no rational answer to this but, how do their minds work?

Not sure which is the easier to answer, that, or
"What is the meaning of life?"or "What is there beyond the Universe?"

 

[wheel]

I have emptied all of my remaining kit out of the car ( left the rest in a clients garage in case of snow)
gave the car a hoover
my wife said why are you bothering to empty it ?
in case a local mong takes me out early tommorow, then its just a shell
where are you going ?
to take the car to the bodyshop to have some paint defects sorted
is it worth it ? he might not open with this snow ??
You remember the bloke your brother used to take his rally cars to, and also did a lot of rallying ?
yes
thats him
I think his truck will be there at 8 am

Not when Mr/Mrs Average mong driver blocks the road because they are not used to driving in the snow. You bone know it all bull shitter.

 

[ExREME.TECH]

"Vacuum cleaners packed up."

Fair enough it was a second hand one given to us and of indeterminate age.

Looked on ebay and a new replacement would be circa £120.
Realised that it was a pre E.U regs change i.e 1200 watts I think the limit is about 640 now.
Also noted that replacement motors were available £30.
So worth a go.

Tooling required one phillips screw driver to remove 7 screws,

Opened it up, no burning smell, realised that the slip rings were covered in crap.
Cleaned same, reassemble and hey presto.

Less than a hours work.

You wonder how much stuff goes into the tip with no real faults.

Did you have 'bits' left over?

 

[ericferret]

On the way back from visiting Dad just now, "Oooo, we need to stop at the post box and post these cards."
So I pulled up at the post box. She went to hand me the envelopes.
"Why are you doing that, the post box is on your side of the car, no more than 3 steps away?"
So, huffily, out of the car she gets to post them.
Which she proceeds to do.
One.
At.
A.
Time.

Allowing there's no rational answer to this but, how do their minds work?

She is checking that she has addressed them correctly and has stamps on them all.
Rational double check. Give her a break even if she is a lazy cow.