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how bone is your missus.

Mrs B been in conclave with sisters for days. Eventually a puff of white smoke and lesser mortals, like me and my brothers in law,, can be informed of the great "decision"

"We are going to have to do something" about the state of the road to her mothers house, which is now so bad after the heavy rain it is impassible to most cars and many delivery drivers won't even attempt it. He has a RAV4 and that is grounding out in places. Their cleaner and gardener have blown them out as a direct result. The horror!

That would be the private round she and idiot husband (despite both being well minted in own right) refused to contribute to having resurfaced some years back. Since they are last house on road the lovely metalled surface all the others chipped in for stops a fair way from their house and becomes the washed out mess of badly patched potholes, water filled craters and erosion channels it now is.

Since the BIL population includes 2 Civil Engineers, somehow they will" sort it out" and we will all pay for it. Obviously.

Imagine the shock, horror and surprise when that gets met with blank refusals all round. One BIL will assist in getting non stupid quotes for work to a proper standard via his contacts but that is it. They can pay for their own arrogance and stupdity in full. Oh and BTW, don't expect anything can get sorted this side of Christmas.

Gasp. That can't be right! Can't we just fill the really bad bits in? No.

Requires a lot of material, equipment hire + maybe a weeks worth of labourers just to do a shit job and will be rubbish in months because main problems are compounded by no effective drainage. Waste of time and money. They will have to lump it until it can be done properly. (That's from somebody who does Highways design and construction work)

Wobbly noises. How can we be so horrible? Must "do something"! Don't we care about their precious mother?

No. Never have, never will.

She is a mean, emotionally manipulative woman who, having fcuked up the life of their father and made their teenage years hellish by buggering off into a multi year silence without so much as a single word, has been playing them all like fiddles since she resurfaced

Once again I am A Very Bad Person and sniffy upset rules

At least I have something in common with my BIL's at last
I predict they are going to be more than a little gob-smacked when they do get a quote. Depending on the length of road and associated drainage needed, I wouldn't be at all surprised if it ends up being a very respectable 5 figure sum. Well done you for saying, "No". Keep us posted on the outcome please?

There are ways to reduce the pavement thickness and thus the amount/cost of excavation and imported pavement material, google geogrid. But why would you want to save them money?
 
I predict they are going to be more than a little gob-smacked when they do get a quote. Depending on the length of road and associated drainage needed, I wouldn't be at all surprised if it ends up being a very respectable 5 figure sum. Well done you for saying, "No". Keep us posted on the outcome please?

There are ways to reduce the pavement thickness and thus the amount/cost of excavation and imported pavement material, google geogrid. But why would you want to save them money?
I agree about the eye watering costs. I dont know about the cost of repairing/updating a mud track (as it seems to be) but the cost of a new road including design etc to be publically adopted is approximately £1 million per 500m!!
 
Nearly a year later, and I thought she had finally come to terms with the basic principles of the length of time between sunrise and sunset, and how that time varies through the year. The solar panels are doing quite well again for October, and over breakfast I mentioned that they had chalked up nearly 12 kilowatt hours yesterday.

"That's good", she said. "But the clocks go back again soon. Spring forward, fall back."

I was taking a swig of tea, and she detected a very slight snort from me. She gave me a hard stare. "But the days are getting shorter, aren't they?" she said.

I settled for: "Yes, dear."


We went out to dinner last night - excellent, good food, great wine. Home quite early because of Covid 2200 restriction, good night's sleep. Enjoyed a lie-in until 0815. Went downstairs, Mrs W already watching TV. I made tea and joined her. She smirked and said: "I bet you forgot the clocks went back this morning!" She didn't quite say: "Nyah, nyah ni-nyah-nyah!"

I took my time.

"They go back next weekend."

"Oh......"
 
I agree about the eye watering costs. I dont know about the cost of repairing/updating a mud track (as it seems to be) but the cost of a new road including design etc to be publically adopted is approximately £1 million per 500m!!
The plus side of it all (for @Blogg) is that when the works are underway, the in laws may well be stuck on the property, as there could easily be excavations that make it impossible to get a car past. If he's really lucky they might not even be able to walk past the hole(s).

I'd hazard a guess that the biggest problem will be where the new drainage outfalls to, depending on the surrounding land. Having said that, it might not be a large paved area that is draining, so a soakaway might be viable.

Edit: If the civil engineering BILs are switched on, they could possibly suggest grasscrete as a solution.

 
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Mrs RR watching some strange programme on her Kindle, then quite out of nowhere announces "I now know how to artificially inseminate a Turkey.
So I ask the sensible question "Did they show you how to collect the sperm?"
Mrs RR, "That's disgusting".
 
Mrs RR watching some strange programme on her Kindle, then quite out of nowhere announces "I now know how to artificially inseminate a Turkey.
So I ask the sensible question "Did they show you how to collect the sperm?"
Mrs RR, "That's disgusting".

Might I suggest, quite strongly, that you have a nice rib of beef for Crimbly this year?
 
If she’s right-handed, keep a pair of left-handed scissors around.*
When, inevitably, she asks you to pass her the scissors ...
Works a treat.


*And obviously vice versa.
Tried that, she just uses them right handed, and complains about them.
Then puts them somewhere random so I can't find the only pair of left handed scissors we own!
 

wheel

LE
The plus side of it all (for @Blogg) is that when the works are underway, the in laws may well be stuck on the property, as there could easily be excavations that make it impossible to get a car past. If he's really lucky they might not even be able to walk past the hole(s).

I'd hazard a guess that the biggest problem will be where the new drainage outfalls to, depending on the surrounding land. Having said that, it might not be a large paved area that is draining, so a soakaway might be viable.

Edit: If the civil engineering BILs are switched on, they could possibly suggest grasscrete as a solution.

Also the neighbours may not want /allow heavy construction vehicles using the part of the drive that they have resurfaced.
 

anglo

LE
We were dog sitting, I hear a shout from the kitchen,"I've got the tin-opener stuck"
I take a look at the tin and I say, "you know the women we are sitting for has bad finger joints
don't you and has a tool to assist with opening jars"
Mrs, "SO"
Me, "You are trying to open a tin with it"
I really enjoyed her trying to explain her FU to the people on their return
I didn't stop smirking for days
 
Also the neighbours may not want /allow heavy construction vehicles using the part of the drive that they have resurfaced.
Good point. That would be terrible. Absolutely terrible. Yes.
 
I just heard someone in the distant laughing,

You mean this one?
1603055603967.png
 
She threw away perfectly good A4 envelopes because the self seal glue had gone?
Cellotape not good enough for her?
In her defence , during lockdown only two of us were allowed to be spat at, coughed on and generally threatened, so I had to send post off. I was at home with an A4 letter and must have spent 3 minutes trying to lick the gummy shit. My 15 year old thought it was funny that it wouldn't stick. then she came over and removed the paper to reveal a glue that did not need licking.
If it was the other way away I would have waited 10 minutes
 
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We went to the barren wastelands of the West Midlands to visit an old friend of hers at the weekend; the friend's daughter is about to turn 18 and as a birthday present the mum has bought her daughter a personal number-plate to go on her first car. Mum's showing us the plate.
"Wow that's great, she'll love that. But why have you got two of them?"
(Mum's holding one white and one yellow number-plate)
"Because one goes at each end of the car babe?"
"Oh yeah".
 
Having spent the best part of 3 days renovating the external timber work on the house, it came to painting the white panels between them, 30 minutes after i finished, it pissed it down, a real torrent, The Doris comes out with" You had better go and see if its alright" Well said Einstein, i would have never thought of that.
 

Blogg

LE
I predict they are going to be more than a little gob-smacked when they do get a quote. Depending on the length of road and associated drainage needed, I wouldn't be at all surprised if it ends up being a very respectable 5 figure sum. Well done you for saying, "No". Keep us posted on the outcome please?

There are ways to reduce the pavement thickness and thus the amount/cost of excavation and imported pavement material, google geogrid. But why would you want to save them money?

Contact of BIL had a mooch around this morning

His first questions essentially came down to how long it would be before anybody in the family ceased to care about the state of road.

Roughly 100 x 3 metres worth (plus three passing places) of misery and the really deep trough that causes the most trouble is actually a small culvert that has partially collapsed. In places road is gently slipping into the ditch alongside it

Minimum £30K to do something that will not be crap again in 5-10 years,

Mrs B and her sisters have gone very, very silent
 

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