how bone is your missus.

Blogg

LE
Mrs B toddled off to see the Evil One, aka her mother.

Time passes.

"Why won't my mother's laptop work?"

"Would that be the old Dell POS you told me her idiot husband dropped down the stairs on Wednesday?"

My suggestion that he throw it up the stairs to see if that might make any difference was met with a cruel and wholly unjustified accusation of unhelpful saracasm
 

Dwarf

LE
Not the missus but a teacher who works for us.

I'm trying to explain how to get to a shop in our town. Names of the important places haven't sunk in yet and she's only been here 15 years.
*Idea* Try a landmark she knows.

"OK, put your self facing the Cafe del Sol. Got that?"

"Yes"

"Right, now turn 180º"

"Which way?"

Bewildered look as Dwarf guffaws of disbelief filled the room.
 
Not the missus but a teacher who works for us.

I'm trying to explain how to get to a shop in our town. Names of the important places haven't sunk in yet and she's only been here 15 years.
*Idea* Try a landmark she knows.

"OK, put your self facing the Cafe del Sol. Got that?"

"Yes"

"Right, now turn 180º"

"Which way?"

Bewildered look as Dwarf guffaws of disbelief filled the room.
Tell us she's a maths teacher. For the love of god, tell us she's a maths teacher!
 

Dwarf

LE
Tell us she's a maths teacher. For the love of god, tell us she's a maths teacher!
Sorry matey. We run a language school.
Anyway she's from Cambrdge so it would be maffs.
(And we let her teach English... I know)
 
We bought our house in pesetas and we've lived in Spain for 17 years.

She still can't identify the coins (it's the bigger silver and brass one and the small brass one love....)

She was a bank manager in the UK.
 
We bought our house in pesetas and we've lived in Spain for 17 years.

She still can't identify the coins (it's the bigger silver and brass one and the small brass one love....)

She was a bank manager in the UK.
I'm not surprised she's confused if you bought your house in pesetas, when Spain has been using the Euro for 18 years.
 

Kirkz

LE
I'm not surprised she's confused if you bought your house in pesetas, when Spain has been using the Euro for 18 years.
He's from Ireland, he paid for it in potatoes.
 
Not the missus but a teacher who works for us.

I'm trying to explain how to get to a shop in our town. Names of the important places haven't sunk in yet and she's only been here 15 years.
*Idea* Try a landmark she knows.

"OK, put your self facing the Cafe del Sol. Got that?"

"Yes"

"Right, now turn 180º"

"Which way?"

Bewildered look as Dwarf guffaws of disbelief filled the room.
Always to the right. To go left is to disgrace the Queen.
 
Last edited:
Not the missus but a teacher who works for us.

I'm trying to explain how to get to a shop in our town. Names of the important places haven't sunk in yet and she's only been here 15 years.
*Idea* Try a landmark she knows.

"OK, put your self facing the Cafe del Sol. Got that?"

"Yes"

"Right, now turn 180º"

"Which way?"

Bewildered look as Dwarf guffaws of disbelief filled the room.
Similar situation on Sunday. The wife and I were sitting on a bench overlooking Lake Ontario she was looking for boats while I was checking the women joggers tit bouncing by.

Admiral Bligh: "What's that light flashing on the horizon?"
I turn my head and scan the lake it's a sunny clear day so I can see about 35 miles left to right. "Did you see it?" I see nothing.
"Whereabouts are you looking?"
"Look where I am looking" I see nothing.
"OK, give me a clue, is it at your 12, 3, 6, or 9?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
I explain.......
"That's stupid what if you don't know what time it is?"
I laughed but after quickly checking her grinner, no smile accompanied the statement so I gave her another much simpler explanation.

btw: the flashing light was at 2:07 and probably was a boat windscreen reflecting the sun.
 
For the first time in a long time, (although not long enough IMHO), she decided we needed to go to the local out of town shopping centre. I'd been a couple of weeks back and knew there was a one way system set up to control flow around it. So as we get there, I head off towards the "IN" door. She heads to the normal door she uses, then realises I'm not with her and comes scuttling after me.

"Why are we going this way, M&S is over there?" she whines.
"Watch", sez I, as we walk into the building.
Mahooosive "IN" sign on the door and arrows on the floor showing the one way system, which she stops and gawps at for a few seconds as I just walk on. After she'd caught me up (again), I let her go in front. To then be mildly amused to see her rigidly following the line of the arrows, much like a kid following a line of paving stones might do, taking corners at an angle, the whole bit.
Got to M&S (via a bit of a circuitous route thanks to the one way system), to find the arrows stopped at the shop door.
"Which way do we go?" she asks, with a mild hint of panic to her voice.
"What are we here for?" I asked.
"Birthday cards" - so off I went in a direct line to the card section. Amazingly the one-way police did not jump out and tazer me and I'm happy to report we got in and out much quicker than normal, as the one way system tended to put a bit of a dampener on her usual method of going around the shops, i.e. doing a fair impression of a bluebottle, flitting around all over the fucking place.
 
SWMBO was navigating today on her phone to a “dropped pin” location, I had an idea where we were going, north on 582 then east on range road 251 But I hadn’t been to this place as we reached a crossroads she said “Its right here” so I turned right “NO” she cried “you should have turned left” but you said it’s right here.? No she said “IT is right here, your left turn, did you not see that I was looking to the left when I said it’s right here”
I do not believe any court in the land would find me guilty.
 
Similar situation on Sunday. The wife and I were sitting on a bench overlooking Lake Ontario she was looking for boats while I was checking the women joggers tit bouncing by.

Admiral Bligh: "What's that light flashing on the horizon?"
I turn my head and scan the lake it's a sunny clear day so I can see about 35 miles left to right. "Did you see it?" I see nothing.
"Whereabouts are you looking?"
"Look where I am looking" I see nothing.
"OK, give me a clue, is it at your 12, 3, 6, or 9?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
I explain.......
"That's stupid what if you don't know what time it is?"
I laughed but after quickly checking her grinner, no smile accompanied the statement so I gave her another much simpler explanation.

btw: the flashing light was at 2:07 and probably was a boat windscreen reflecting the sun.
That is very funny but at least your missus is of an age when she could actually understand the concept of a clock face.

I am astonished today when I ask my kids what time it is and I'll get an answer like "it's 17.47", not a time I would have said when I was their age "about ten to six" is what I would have replied. They are of course checking their phones, but point them to an old-fashioned clock and ask them what time it is and they will stare at it for a while as they do the mental calculations and then probably get it wrong.
 
That is very funny but at least your missus is of an age when she could actually understand the concept of a clock face.

I am astonished today when I ask my kids what time it is and I'll get an answer like "it's 17.47", not a time I would have said when I was their age "about ten to six" is what I would have replied. They are of course checking their phones, but point them to an old-fashioned clock and ask them what time it is and they will stare at it for a while as they do the mental calculations and then probably get it wrong.
Good point.I will be testing my daughter & SIL next time I see them and it won't be before 13:00 hours either.
 

Boxy

GCM
That is very funny but at least your missus is of an age when she could actually understand the concept of a clock face.

I am astonished today when I ask my kids what time it is and I'll get an answer like "it's 17.47", not a time I would have said when I was their age "about ten to six" is what I would have replied. They are of course checking their phones, but point them to an old-fashioned clock and ask them what time it is and they will stare at it for a while as they do the mental calculations and then probably get it wrong.
Teaching Target Indication is actually starting to become slightly more complicated WRT the Clock Ray method, CFAVs not so much but Cadets...
 

Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
She really got me the other day
I thought she was joking but no ( irish/ Italian)

I do some work for a charity
sort of community service really !
the chap that organises it is in a wheelchair from an accident many years ago
my wife asked me if he is married ?
I never asked him and presumed he lived with his mother as he is younger than me
anyways we got chatting and he is married to a nice fella I have met a few times who also helps out
they are a great pair
told the wife he is gay and married to his husband

no probs there

But

she then asked


was he gay before the accident that put him in a wheelchair ???????


where the fuck did that come from ??
and no she was not joking
I will ask him when I see him
he will piss himself laughing
 
Teaching Target Indication is actually starting to become slightly more complicated WRT the Clock Ray method, CFAVs not so much but Cadets...
They'd probably think the film 12 O'Clock High was about a spliff before lunch.
 

Blogg

LE
Been on phone for ages. Just shouted down stairs:

"How long will it take us to drive to Ayr from my sister's place?"

Immediate sinking feeling in pit of stomach because in context that is akin to "Do I cut the red wire or the blue wire?"
 

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