how bone is your missus.

I'm in the process of putting in fence posts in our back garden. Hole dug, post prepared, multilevel attached, support pegs in place. All I need to do is adjust the post to the levels, then attach the prepared struts before I add the concrete.
SWMBO is in the conservatory, so I call out
" Come out and hold this post for a second my Love?"
She nodded then proceeded to disappear back into the house.

10 minutes, a whole 10 f#cking minutes later she reappears and comes out to me, who is still holding the f#cking post.
"Where were you?"

"Oh, I just needed to do my hair first, then find my sunglasses"


FFS
Sunglasses? Have you moved away from Scotland again?
 
Well she's on form this morning....

The farm over the road has lights on all its buildings and so a few minutes ago she came up with this:

"The lights weren't on over the road last night - do you know why?"

"No idea, petal, I was asleep"

"I wish you would stop treating me like an idiot"

Radio silence imposed again
Radio silence imposed again you say?

Top tip - keep treating her like an idiot. You know it makes sense.
 
Samsung Series 7 4KTV, watch screen, car door (reversed with it open into the carport upright) and on the same trip the mobile phone (Samsung 8) was dropped, screen smashed. "I need to get the SIM card out"..."have you checked youtube?"..."of course, I need a suction cup to get the back off to get the SIM card out"...."are you sure?"..."YES"...I later find my tools spread out and she's had a stab at pulling the back off. Keen to prevent irreversible damage I find a bit of wire, stick it in the hole and pass her the SIM card. The the debacle of getting it into an iPhone. I'm have a drink before I go to work today!
 
Samsung Series 7 4KTV, watch screen, car door (reversed with it open into the carport upright) and on the same trip the mobile phone (Samsung 8) was dropped, screen smashed. "I need to get the SIM card out"..."have you checked youtube?"..."of course, I need a suction cup to get the back off to get the SIM card out"...."are you sure?"..."YES"...I later find my tools spread out and she's had a stab at pulling the back off. Keen to prevent irreversible damage I find a bit of wire, stick it in the hole and pass her the SIM card. The the debacle of getting it into an iPhone. I'm have a drink before I go to work today!
Herself broke her phone yesterday, well actually a coo stood on it and broke it and now she is having a I need my phone meltdown.

I have a rucksack packed and stored in barn, if Fedex doesn't deliver that new phone by noon tomorrow me and the dogs are going camping for a couple of days.

WTF!
 
Sunglasses? Have you moved away from Scotland again?
Ha Ha

Actually, in between the haar and the rain showers (and the obligatory clouds of fücking midges) it's been quite sunny, and almost warm.
 
Herself broke her phone yesterday, well actually a coo stood on it and broke it and now she is having a I need my phone meltdown.

I have a rucksack packed and stored in barn, if Fedex doesn't deliver that new phone by noon tomorrow me and the dogs are going camping for a couple of days.

WTF!
Like you need an excuse
80% on here would pay to go "your" camping
 
Ha Ha

Actually, in between the haar and the rain showers (and the obligatory clouds of fücking midges) it's been quite sunny, and almost warm.
It has today, but it’s largely been shit for the last couple of weeks.
 
It was lovely for most of May and the first half of June. It always turns shit in July, though.
The weather has never been "lovely" in Jockistan in living memory. Have a word with yourself. Jimmy.
 

wheel

LE
HiD walked into the kitchen muttering under her breath yesterday. I took my life into my hands and asked what the matter was.
"The cat's poo'ed on the bathmat, and someone just folded the mat over without cleaning it up" she says.
We have a discussion about whether it was the sprog (more likely) or the sprogette, who worked a night shift and came in knackered at silly o'clock this morning. The discussion continues about why they do not clean up the cat poo, and just spray the bathroom with room freshener. This means that someone else has to clean up after the cat, who 'belongs*' to the family. The discussion continues in this vein for a few minutes.

"So", I say (the emperor Mong sitting on my shoulders made me do it, I swear), " is the mat in the washing machine that is running at the moment?"
"No" she says, "You know I don't like picking up cat shit".


* Everyone knows that you never own a cat - you are just their slaves...
Kill the cat, problem solved.
 
The weather has never been "lovely" in Jockistan in living memory. Have a word with yourself. Jimmy.
Aye, you’re right enough. You, and your buddies would hate it here. The ticks, midgies and cleggs are dreadful as well, with a particular taste for the blood of wild campers, motorhomers and caravanners.
 
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