how bone is your missus.

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While ago Mrs B picked up on the Vitamin D thing as an alleged defence against all manner of ills.

Went on some website for super mega ultra unobtainium enhanced Vitamin D

This morning I noted we have numerous packs of the stuff. Hmmmm.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and a 9th only just opened .

240 tabs per pack. One per day each so about four months worth per pack and....

"Do you realise we have three years worth of this bloody Vitamin D stuff?"

"Don't be so stupid. That can't be right"

Cue very long and very painful elaboration of the above.

She had ticked the monthly order box
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
While ago Mrs B picked up on the Vitamin D thing as an alleged defence against all manner of ills.

Went on some website for super mega ultra unobtainium enhanced Vitamin D

This morning I noted we have numerous packs of the stuff. Hmmmm.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and a 9th only just opened .

240 tabs per pack. One per day each so about four months worth per pack and....

"Do you realise we have three years worth of this bloody Vitamin D stuff?"

"Don't be so stupid. That can't be right"

Cue very long and very painful elaboration of the above.

She had ticked the monthly order box
Ahem, 8 months per pack, so around 6 years worth, just saying :mrgreen:
 

RBMK

Old-Salt
I do the weekly shop and come back with a fresh baguette as part of the haul. (Four people to feed).

SWMBO then decides not to have the baguette for lunch and I end up with chicken salad.

I can see the baguette getting stale before it's eaten but SWMBO says, I'm sure RBMK will have some of the baguette.

So I cut a chunk off and stuff it with chicken salad. I have just taken the first bite when she asks what I'm doing. When I answer that she'd just said I would have some, she says [in a huff]:

"I was just thinking that I'd do sausage baguette for tea, so that plan is spoiled..."

She has watched me walk across the kitchen with the bread knife in hand 30 seconds previously.
 
Last edited:

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
She has watched me walk across the kitchen with the bread knife in hand 30 seconds previously.
She was probably hoping you were going to put her out of her misery!
 
I do the weekly shop and come back with a fresh baguette as part of the haul. (Four people to feed).

SWMBO then decides not to have the baguette for lunch and I end up with chicken salad.

I can see the baguette getting stale before it's eaten but SWMBO says, I'm sure RBMK will have some of the baguette.

So I cut a chunk off and stuff it with chicken salad. I have just taken the first bit when she asks what I'm doing. When I answer that she'd just said I would have some, she says [in a huff]:

"I was just thinking that I'd do sausage baguette for tea, so that plan is spoiled..."

She has watched me walk across the kitchen with the bread knife in hand 30 seconds previously.
You're a fucking saint for not stabbing her repeatedly in the face.
 

RBMK

Old-Salt
There are times when I think that I must be on a completely different planet, or possibly in a parallel dimension where logic is inverted.

But then I remember that she's female and therefore rules of normalcy do not apply.
 
Ripped my calf muscle on Monday, bloody hell it hurts. Saw my Dr on Tuesday.

Mrs OB asks, “What did the Dr say?”

You have a tear in your calf Muscle , rest , no walking , elevate and pack with ice. You need an ultra sound.

Had ultra sound yesterday.

Mrs OB, “what did the Dr Say ?”

Same as the one on Tuesday but I also I need to see the physio on Monday.

Ah , so you will be getting a blood test and different minerals and vitamins then!

Me, WTF for ?

Bloody Italians have a blood test if they fart , cough , have a sore finger after they cut it ? madness.
 
Ripped my calf muscle on Monday, bloody hell it hurts. Saw my Dr on Tuesday.

Mrs OB asks, “What did the Dr say?”

You have a tear in your calf Muscle , rest , no walking , elevate and pack with ice. You need an ultra sound.

Had ultra sound yesterday.

Mrs OB, “what did the Dr Say ?”

Same as the one on Tuesday but I also I need to see the physio on Monday.

Ah , so you will be getting a blood test and different minerals and vitamins then!

Me, WTF for ?

Bloody Italians have a blood test if they fart , cough , have a sore finger after they cut it ? madness.
To stop the insanity see @Lardbeast 's post 11,546 above.
 
The current mrs_mush is all excited as the day finally arrived; Football's on the telly

Apparently it's de rigeur for a minutes silence now at the start of the match for the victims of Black Corona Victims Matter, or whatever. As the referee blew his whistle to signal the end of the minute, the current mrs_mush says "Well that was very respectful, I don't think I've heard a quieter minutes silence at a match ever"
Whilst not as excited about cricket as footy, the current mrs_mush is still glad to catch the highlights of the test match. She did feel a little sorry for the locals who obviously were put off attending by the poor weather. "Very poor attendance" she said
 
This morning herself informed me that kid number two and his missus will be arriving here in a couple of weeks, he's married to the daft SJW bint and I always look forward to her arrival :twisted: Great says I, we'll fire up the BBQ and get some steaks on the go.

About an hour later the following conversation takes place.

Herself... Hey I just remembered something and we can't have a BBQ after all.

Me... Oh yeah and why's that then?

Her bother and his wife are coming up as well and they are both Vegans.

Me... And how does this stop the rest of us having a BBQ?

Herself... It would be inappropriate for us to be eating meat if they're vegans and they're both tea total

Me... Being vegan is a choice they made, their life choices will in no way stop me having a BBQ. However just to show I am not completely uncaring of their feelings, I'll put out a bowl of water for them and they can chow down and eat as much grass as they like while we eat steaks.


She muttered something under her breath about finding out what vegans eat and headed off to her hobby room and onto the computer.

As the vegan couple are from the liberal East Coast I can see it being a fun couple of days. :-D
She sounds a bit like a Vegan fireman who does CrossFit and has a pilots licence. Really struggles to decide what to bore the tits off you with first.
 
Ripped my calf muscle on Monday, bloody hell it hurts. Saw my Dr on Tuesday.

Mrs OB asks, “What did the Dr say?”

You have a tear in your calf Muscle , rest , no walking , elevate and pack with ice. You need an ultra sound.

Had ultra sound yesterday.

Mrs OB, “what did the Dr Say ?”

Same as the one on Tuesday but I also I need to see the physio on Monday.

Ah , so you will be getting a blood test and different minerals and vitamins then!

Me, WTF for ?

Bloody Italians have a blood test if they fart , cough , have a sore finger after they cut it ? madness.
. . . same for Bosnians/Yugoslavs.

Must be something to do with the Mediterranean?!
 

BopBopBop

War Hero
My wife went out to paint our house number (No.1) on our wheelie bin.

To make sure we never lost it she painted the number twice.

Apparently we now live at No.11.
 
She sounds a bit like a Vegan fireman who does CrossFit and has a pilots licence. Really struggles to decide what to bore the tits off you with first.
It actually turned out that she was well fit, all the curves in all the right places. Her old man on the other hand looked like he need a fecking good feed, he was a right wimp. He didn't want to do anything fun and the look of horror on his face when I asked if he wanted to go shooting was something else.

He must have felt a right kunt when my 5 year old granddaughter was hurrying me up and telling not to forget "her rifle", hmmmm I don't recall telling her it was now her rifle :grin:
 
It actually turned out that she was well fit, all the curves in all the right places. Her old man on the other hand looked like he need a fecking good feed, he was a right wimp. He didn't want to do anything fun and the look of horror on his face when I asked if he wanted to go shooting was something else.

He must have felt a right kunt when my 5 year old granddaughter was hurrying me up and telling not to forget "her rifle", hmmmm I don't recall telling her it was now her rifle :grin:
Many moons ago I met a woman like that(with a similar husband)at a party at a mates house. Some time later met her again while I was an Inst'r at Catterick and eventually "dallied" with her for about 18 months. :cool:
 
Not my missus, but the other Dorises in the village getting worked up about a cat that's been run over
View attachment 488276
At least that’s local to you. We have a betitted mouth breather on our village page that keeps sharing pages about dogs that went missing in various far flung corners of the world such as Austin, Texas, 4 years ago.

The village is in Cheshire.
 
Well she's on form this morning....

The farm over the road has lights on all its buildings and so a few minutes ago she came up with this:

"The lights weren't on over the road last night - do you know why?"

"No idea, petal, I was asleep"

"I wish you would stop treating me like an idiot"

Radio silence imposed again
 
I'm in the process of putting in fence posts in our back garden. Hole dug, post prepared, multilevel attached, support pegs in place. All I need to do is adjust the post to the levels, then attach the prepared struts before I add the concrete.
SWMBO is in the conservatory, so I call out
" Come out and hold this post for a second my Love?"
She nodded then proceeded to disappear back into the house.

10 minutes, a whole 10 f#cking minutes later she reappears and comes out to me, who is still holding the f#cking post.
"Where were you?"

"Oh, I just needed to do my hair first, then find my sunglasses"


FFS
 
We don't have a swimming pool. I mention this because nobody swims in them - they are used to sit in the shallow end drinking G&Ts when it is very hot. The rest of the year they are a money pit.

We do have a hot tub. We use it to sit in when it is very hot drinking G&Ts.

Yesterday, she'd been 'working' in the garden, wearing a strange semi-beach swimming thing outfit. Anyway, I'd got bored waiting for her and got out as she got in, wearing the outfit. Later, I went to put the lid on the tub, only to find it looking like the inside of a Christmas snow-globe. *

Yep, she'd had a load of bog roll in her pockets for wiping sweat out of eyes etc. My how I laughed as I looked in the brand new filter I'd put on yesterday morning. Not to mention the pieces still swirling gently around.


* To re-create the effect, merely place a few sheets of bog roll in a tumbler of water and agitate for a few seconds.
 

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