how bone is your missus.

snip
.
No apology obviously. The smug look on my face was deemed totally uncalled for.
Indeed... are you sure you are not married to my wife?
 

anglo

LE
Why is it they start in the middle of a conversation,
Her heads in the computer" Did you know that?" what the freck are you on about says I
Or we're watching TV, "look at that" What the freck do you think I'm looking at says I,
Or the no win Question, We are off out and there's washing on the line
" Do you think it's going to rain?" I normally say, I Don't know I'm not a weather man,
Then it's "there's no need to be like that"
Why is it women hate other women, Yet they all pretend to be good mates
She complains to me about some so-called friend, I say Well frecking put her straight,
"You can't do that" she says
If only there was a "vagina" without the mouth that could do the cleaning and cooking
 

ExREME..TECH

On ROPS
On ROPs
Indeed. Here in Britain we drive on the correct side of the road, as do several other former colonial territories (plus Japan). Everyone else drives on the wrong side of the road.

Until the American Revolution even Europe drove/rode on the left. Then the bitter, twisted and shiny new Septics decided that as most of their wagon drivers were right-handed and their wagons so large that they had six of sometimes eight horses it was easier to steer and see around the team at the same time if the driver of the team (hence, "teamster") sat on the left of the wagon with the reins in his right hand. In order to see clearly to avoid hitting wagons coming the other way on the narrow roads they drove on the right to see down the left side of the team (the side nearest the oncoming team) from their seated position optimised for controlling the team right-handed. Plus it was another thing in the eye of the British.

Having been over there to help them slap us Jean Frenchman took the notion back to Boney who then imposed it on France and any other country he invaded (most of Europe and a big stretch of Russia) and it stuck.

Everyone rode on the left because the majority right-handed population of the world would then have their sword hand at the advance towards any oncoming riders who might prove to be wrong'uns.

In modern times, driving on the left is safer than the right because most of us are still right-handed and in a head-to-head situation right-handed people tend to pull on the wheel such that the vehicle veers left. If you drive on the left you're heading back to your own carriageway and the verge/hedge/embankment. If you drive on the right and are right-handed you're heading further into oncoming traffic/the central reservation/the oncoming traffic lanes.

Which could prove to be a teensy bit unfortunate.
I thought it was down to Napoleon been left handed. He did thsy thing with long sticks opposite. So all countries he conquered he changed
 

ExREME..TECH

On ROPS
On ROPs
Precisely. A lot of films even manage to show this.

Last period piece I watched was Knightfall on Prime, about the Templars. Regularly seen swanning around town or riding off to see whomever in their chain mail and white tunic things with sword at hip. No shields, except when forming up the line on the field of battle.
Did they also go to the front OK the Aldi queue?
 

NSP

LE
Herself will insist on testing the front door handle to check that the door is locked last thing before bed, despite hearing/watching me give the key a twist to check the bolt is home, and then claiming it wasn't locked as it opens.

I have repeatedly told her that as we are in a modern flat the fire regulations mean that the front door will open without a key to allow emergency escape, merely by operating the inside handle. I have demonstrated the same several times.

"Have you ever stayed in a hotel?"

"Yes."

"How did you unlock the door to leave the room?"

"Used the door handle."

"Riiiiight. Same thing here..."

Rinse and repeat pretty much every night. She thinks it's my good manners and gentlemanliness that offer her first dibs on the bathroom every night.
 
Apparently we have to venture out shopping.
"What is the place next to Pets at Home?"
Wickes
"What is the car place next to that?"
Halfords
"Their website is useless!"
Who Halfords or Pets at Home?
"Wickes, I want compost, I told you yesterday!"
Yes dear.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
We moved home a year ago on Thursday.

I casually dropped in to the conversation about this anniversary that the Royal Mail redirect service will be up then.

She's been on her computer for two days now typing out change of address letters, which she'll no doubt expect me to post for her.
It'll get you out of the house for a while, at least.
 
"We need to paint the sheds - can you look on Amazon for a price?"
Certainly, dear - what size do we need?
"9 litres"
OK, £50 - we're not buying at that price
"OK, what about Homebase?"
Homebase is closed
"What about the website?"
Homebase website says they're not delivering
"Can't we go down and collect it?"
Homebase is closed (What did I say before?)

Good God, she's dense

nb. B&Q are running a "virtual queue" - we would have to wait an hour to get onto the website....

The other day she told all the family we'd be celebrating our 51st wedding anniversary soon. Who knows where she got that from, it's nowhere near that length, although to be fair it seems far, far longer.
 
"We need to paint the sheds - can you look on Amazon for a price?"
Certainly, dear - what size do we need?
"9 litres"
OK, £50 - we're not buying at that price
"OK, what about Homebase?"
Homebase is closed
"What about the website?"
Homebase website says they're not delivering
"Can't we go down and collect it?"
Homebase is closed (What did I say before?)

Good God, she's dense

nb. B&Q are running a "virtual queue" - we would have to wait an hour to get onto the website....

The other day she told all the family we'd be celebrating our 51st wedding anniversary soon. Who knows where she got that from, it's nowhere near that length, although to be fair it seems far, far longer.
She may have heard it on the radio. 51st Anniversary is a Hendrix song.

Ken Bruce plays such like when he needs to nip off to the bog
 

ExREME..TECH

On ROPS
On ROPs
"We need to paint the sheds - can you look on Amazon for a price?"
Certainly, dear - what size do we need?
"9 litres"
OK, £50 - we're not buying at that price
"OK, what about Homebase?"
Homebase is closed
"What about the website?"
Homebase website says they're not delivering
"Can't we go down and collect it?"
Homebase is closed (What did I say before?)

Good God, she's dense

nb. B&Q are running a "virtual queue" - we would have to wait an hour to get onto the website....

The other day she told all the family we'd be celebrating our 51st wedding anniversary soon. Who knows where she got that from, it's nowhere near that length, although to be fair it seems far, far longer.
If my wife and I were the celebrate our third wedding anniversary again, would I get to keep all of my pension?
Is Mr Shiner still practicing?
 

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